EB - rare children's disease

I hadn't ever heard of this condition until my friend, Mike sent me this email to help get the word out. As a parent and grandparent, I can't imagine how I'd cope if I had a kid or grandkid with EB.

...
All,

Lorraine is a good friend of mine from my Lockheed days. She is the mother of Garrett who is featured in the video along with his Dr.

Please take a few minutes to watch this video. If you are so inclined, please feel free to make a donation. There is a link at the end of the clip for where to do so. Even if you can't make a contribution, please pass this along for others to see.

The more exposure for EB the better. One problem with EB is that the disease is so rare, it is hard to get funding for it. Things like cancer and Aids affect far more people, so the funding goes there. It makes sense when you look at the problem from a cost benefit analysis. However, when you have a child with a rare disease, you want a cure for that disease too.

Anyway, please watch the video and pass it along. I would appreciate it personally.

Mike...

For more information or to donate, click here: http://dermatology.stanford.edu/research/research.html

STAR Students?...

This is STAR (Standardized Testing and Reporting) week in all the local schools. This isn’t normally a busy week for substitute teaching assignments as teachers are in class drilling their students to perform well for this California mandated school rating exam.

I did manage a half day (actually just two hours) assignment as Kindergarten aide yesterday. As I’m about to leave, one of the 6th grade girls from last week’s class dropped in during recess time.

She’s been sentenced here for acting up in class today. I was little surprised because she wasn’t part of the gang that was giving me a hard time last week. When I expressed my surprise that she was here instead of “Miss Issippi” or some of the others, she confided that they were in trouble also but doing something else.

As I left the parking lot and rounded the corner bordering the grass fields, I saw the “New Beatles”, “Muppet Guy” and “Miss Issippi” dragging black plastic bags while picking up trash.

They saw me and called out. I waved back as I slowly drove by… with a big grin.

How’s It Goin’?...

The last day of this six day assignment has finally arrived! I’ve had enough. My goal today is just to “be standing” at the final bell.

Mid afternoon, the teacher I’m subbing for called me during class.

This is the first time in four years a teacher has ever called me during class. She wanted me to remind them about a project that’s due tomorrow. The project and its due date have been prominently posted on the white board every day since she’s been gone.

I turn from the phone and announce to the class that Ms. (teacher) is calling to say “Hi!...and a reminder about about the project due tomorrow!". I held the receiver out so the whole class could shout back their responses of greetings and happiness.

After class toned down, I returned to our private conversation to wish her congratulations on her wedding and indicated that the kids would be glad to see her back in class.

She then caught me off guard by asking: “How’s it going”? That’s a question like “How are you?”, “Having a nice day?” etc. It’s a normal question. The normal expected response is: “Fine”.

Me: “Uh….It’s going…”
Her: (Long pause) “It’s going?”
Me: “Yea….It’s going...”
Her: “Ok, then. Hope to see you the next time you’re in and we can talk. Bye!”

It was the most natural answer I could give her at this point with 32 kids within listening distance. I just couldn’t say: “Fine…”

I had already written five daily status reports detailing the planned lessons we did or didn’t accomplish, along with the various behavior problems of the last five days. The final report I left for her wasn’t any different. Under “behavior problems”, I just wrote: “--same --”.

I didn’t need to elaborate.

Shirts!...

Saw on the school yard this week:

• Third grade girl wearing a “Hooters Bar&Grill” shirt
• Boy with “408” gang shirt (area code 408 gang)
• Sixth grader with air brushed naked chick shirt under his sweat shirt. He was displaying it to his buds in my 6^th grade class

…only one more day, thank God!!

I Quit!...

…At least that’s how I felt at the end of this day. Two more days of this and I’m outta there!

Even after I booted "Miss Issipi" AND "Ernie" to the office for some alone time with the “Classroom Disruption” essay assignment, the rest didn’t take the hint.

Those two and six others pretty much were a constant disruption team. While I would have liked to, I can’t send 25% of the entire class to the office!

I’m taking Thursday off unless one of the country club schools call. I never have any problems like this over there.

The SubSeeToot Is Back!...

The teacher went off to get married and I’ve just completed the first half of this six day assignment in “The Beatles” 6^th grade class where “Beatle Paul” implored his teacher to not to have me “subseetoot” for her any more.

To review, “Beatles” are four of the worst boys in this class who just happened to be named George, Paul, John and something close to “Ringo”. It saves time and effort just to call out “Beatles! Knock it OFF!” every now and again.

Not much has changed with this class except that “Paul” seems to have gone off to tour solo in another class. “George” and “John” seemed to have “got religion” and crossed over from the dark side to be pretty decent kids. That just leaves just the remaining Beatle, “Ringo”, to deal with this week.

Unfortunately, Ringo seems to have started a new band with a new kid named after one of the puppets on “Sesame Street”. I’ll just call him “Ernie” for the purposes of confidential privacy. Ringo and Ernie are quite a pair. They spend all day goofing off and trying to compete with each other to see who can get me to lose my cool the fastest.

Today’s winner was Ringo.

I sent him off to the office with an essay assignment to complete in the principals office. With a knowing look in Ernie’s direction, the rest of the day went better. Not great, just better.

I found this essay on the internet so I can’t claim authorship but I did add the special instructions touch marked in “red” to make it a little bit more of a grammar exercise

...but mostly to make it take longer.

(Click to enlarge)

Carnival of Education-167

The Carnival of Education has set up it's tent at the Columbus Education Association. Admission is free but the popcorn is extra.

Glad I'm Not Subbing This Kid's School District...

Just another reason why some people shouldn't be allowed to breed

From FOX News (Click the link for the full story)
A couple can't agree on which gang their 4-year-old toddler should join

"...A fight about the decision led to a public disturbance with the father's arrest. Joseph Manzanares went to the video store where his girlfriend worked, threatened to kill her and knocked over several video displays, police told KMGH Denver.

Police arrested Manzanares at his home, Commerce City police Sgt. Joe Sandoval told KMGH Denver.

The girlfriend told authorities they were fighting over which gang their son should join. The girlfriend, who is black, is a member of the Crips while Manzanares, who is Hispanic, belongs to the Westside Ballers.

"They have different ideas on how the baby should be raised," Sandoval said. "Basically, she said they cannot agree on which gang the baby would 'claim.'"
...

Stapling Worksheets…

Lesson plan entry: “Hand out worksheet packets and have students staple before starting. They know what to do.”

Sounds simple enough! Four numbered sheets, eight total pages, printed front and back. What could go wrong?

Do you know how many possible combinations four pieces of paper can be arranged for stapling? I believe it’s something like 1024 possible variations (not counting upside down). Fortunately, I had only 32 to check and fix.

Math wizards welcome to provide the number of actual variations possible – upside down or not.

Long Term Subbing…

As an “emergency credentialed” substitute, I’m not allowed to work more than a total of 30 school days for any single teacher in any single school year.

The phrase “long term”, as it applies to substitute teaching, is defined by the district I work for as anything longer than 15 consecutive school days for the same teacher. So technically, I am allowed to substitute for a regular teacher for a month and a half before they legally have to replace me.

After completing this weeks four day assignment in 5^th grade, I can categorically say that my personal definition of “long enough term” is anything more than two days.

This class had a clique of six (four boys and two girls) who absolutely drove me nuts from day one. I’m not sure if we even completed half of what was on the lesson plans. It was pretty much a waste of four school days for the other 28 “good kids” in my estimation.

I’m not looking forward to the 6-day assignment I agreed to take at the end of this month and another 4-day assignment the first week of June. All I can hope for is those assignments at different schools might have a better result.

Odd Kid Name Update - for April/2008

Most unusual name (baby girl) for April/2008

Dreamylove Story (last name withheld....)

Just wondering, would it have been slightly better as Dreamy Lovestory? Guess not...The kid is going to have life long problems with it either way.

Breaking Cookies…

Tomorrow, I’m back for the third day of a four day assignment in 5th grade.

I have one particular boy who likes to wander in several minutes after the recess or lunch time break. Each time, his excuse is that he was in the bathroom, getting his jacket, lost his book, didn’t hear the bell…etc.

This is the same kid I mentally nicknamed “the wanderer” because whenever my attention is diverted, he’s out of his seat and “wandering” the room getting water, sharpening the pencil, visiting his friends, reading in the library because he lost his math book. Essentially, he’s just being disruptive when I have to interrupt the lesson to deal with it.

Me: Well, where were you THIS time?
Wanderer: In the bathroom.

Me: Everyone else seemed to have made it back in time. Why weren't you?
Wanderer: I was breaking cookies.

Me: You were what???
Wanderer: Breaking cookies.

Me: (Looking befuddled) Baking cookies!!??
Wanderer: No, breaking cookies. You know...

Me: Apparently, I don’t.
Wanderer: Pooping!! It was…
Me: Stop! I don’t need to know any more.

Now, I’ve watched the “Elmo’s Potty Time” video with both my granddaughters and I thought I knew a lot of the euphemisms for pooping, but this was a brand new one for me.

Two more days and I’m taking Wednesday off.

I'll Keep My Day Job...

It's amazing what engineering can do to maximize driver safety...



...and the follow up interview

Candidate I Dislike the Least...

"I owe, I owe (no tax refund for me...) so off to work I go..."

I don't normally wander too much off topic with this blog and try to avoid presidential politics at all costs, but am I the only one who doesn't like ANY of the next White House tenants for 2009?

So with that in mind, I found this item excerpt on Carpe Diem (see the "must reads" blog roll at left), that just might sway my vote for the "candidate I dislike the least":

"...Mrs. Clinton of New York the 13th top pork spender in the Senate, far outpacing Democratic rival Sen. Barack Obama who ranked 28th and sent his home state of Illinois about $97 million in pork. The presumptive Republican presidential nominee, Sen. John McCain of Arizona, as usual secured no pork projects."

Smarter Than This 5th Grader?…

Evidently the Smithsonian Institution's National Museum of Natural History in Washington isn't.

Click here for the original Yahoo News:
(Copied here in case it ages off the net)

---------

ALLEGAN, Mich. - Is fifth-grader Kenton Stufflebeam smarter than the Smithsonian? The 11-year-old boy, who lives in Allegan but attends Alamo Elementary School near Kalamazoo, went with his family during winter break to the Smithsonian Institution's National Museum of Natural History in Washington.

Since it opened in 1981, millions of people have paraded past the museum's Tower of Time, a display involving prehistoric time. Not one visitor had reported anything amiss with the exhibit until Kenton noticed that a notation, in bold lettering, identified the Precambrian as an era.

Kenton knew that was wrong. His fifth-grade teacher, John Chapman, had nearly made the same mistake in a classroom earth-science lesson before catching himself.

"I knew Mr. Chapman wouldn't tell all these students" bad information, the boy told the Kalamazoo Gazette for a story published Wednesday

So Kevin Stufflebeam took his son to the museum's information desk to report Kenton's concern on a comment form. Last week, the boy received a letter from the museum acknowledging that his observation was "spot on."

"The Precambrian is a dimensionless unit of time, which embraces all the time between the origin of Earth and the beginning of the Cambrian Period of geologic time," the letter says.

The solution to the problem would not involve advanced science but rather simply painting over the word "era," the note says.

"We did forward a copy of the comment and our paleobiology department's response to the head of the exhibits department," said Lorraine Ramsdell, educational technician for the museum.

While no previous visitors to the museum had brought up the error, it has long rankled the paleobiology department's staff, who noticed it even before the Tower of Time was erected 27 years ago, she said.

"The question is, why was it put up with that on it in the first place?" Ramsdell said.

Excited as he was to receive the correspondence from museum officials, he couldn't help but point out that it was addressed to Kenton Slufflebeam.

Penguins Can Fly!

Global warming must be responsible...

The Grades Are In…

…my blog got C+ (78%) according to Blogged.com. (see the column to the left just after the Carnival of Education)

The testing was rigged! It’s not my fault! My ISP is too slow! My dog ate my keyboard! I demand a recount! I think I saw some “hanging chads”! Two more points…PLEASE!!! I’ll give you candy!!!

If I knew there was gonna be a final exam, I might have studied harder! TWO more points and I coulda gotta a “B”

(I hope this isn’t gonna affect my permanent record. That would be embarrassing.)

Closed Till March 31...

--Easter Break---

What’s a Crapper?…

Because I substitute in all grades from Kinder to 6^th, I rarely notice repetition in worksheets of a specific lesson from one year to the next.

There is one, though that seems to come up every spring with 5^th graders. It’s the reading comprehension worksheet that is a companion to the book “Bud, Not Buddy” by Christopher Paul Curtis.

This book seems to be a popular one for many of the 5^th grades in the district. The main character is a kid named Bud (not “Buddy”) a 10-year-old orphan on the run from abusive foster homes and Hoovervilles in 1930s Michigan. The authentic Mid-American 30’s era dialog is laced with colloquialisms and slang that most of the 5^th graders haven’t heard before.

The planned reading lesson is to have the kids read aloud the next couple of chapters in the book and then work on that section of the worksheet. The kids are supposed to look up and write the definitions of various words found in those chapters. The only reason I recognize this particular worksheet it that I get asked the same identical question several times each time this particular worksheet is used.

“What’s a “crapper”? It isn’t in the dictionary!”

They are right. The sanitized classroom dictionaries do not list rude, vulgar, or potentially “bad words” for young minds to dwell over. A mistake in my opinion but what the hell, I’m just a substitute teacher.

The first time this situation came up a couple years ago, I simply told them the answer: “It’s American slang for toilet”.

Last year I entertained the thought of having them look up definitions on classroom computers but previous experience, especially with the word “crapper”, suggested this might not be the best idea. I surely didn’t need the distraction of seeing something like “Uncle Bogger’s Bumper Dumper” on the computer screens when the school principal might pop in at any moment.

So last Friday afternoon, I responded to question by asking the class:

Me: This word is not in the class dictionaries because it is a slang term for something. How many syllables are there in the word “CRAPPER”?
Class: Two!

Me: …and what is the first syllable?
Class: (mostly silence and a lot a giggling”)

Me: That’s right. It’s where is that stuff is supposed to “GO”! Now where is that?
Kid near the back row: A toilet?

Me: You got it! Crapper is slang for “a toilet”

This way I don’t have to answer the usual follow up question: Why does Bud call it a “crapper”?

Parent Volunteers…

I’m still recovering from the “five week coughing crud” that’s been making the rounds. This is week #4 for me so I’m pretty much over it except for the remnant “froggy voice”.

I felt able enough to take last Friday’s 3^rd grade assignment at one of the country club schools for a teacher I’ve worked for before but who’s rarely sick.

Twenty great 3^rd graders AND a class aide!

Now I’ve had a class aides on other rare occasions but they were usually assigned to handle one of the “special” kids to see that they didn’t set the classroom on fire or spike a ballpoint through the ear of the kid next to them. Except for this school, I’ve never had an aide whose job was to help the teacher.

She collected, collated and corrected the daily output of quizzes, spelling tests and worksheets the teacher assigned for the day. If I had any questions as where I might find books or materials on the lesson plan, she usually had the answers. It was great!

At the break, I remarked how unusual it was to find that I had someone like her to assist in class. I discovered that she started out as a parent volunteer at the school when her kids were attending. Her kids are now in college and H.S. but she still wanted to be involved with the school.

She said that at one time the school had 700 kids and a list of over 1000 parent volunteers.

The school eventually had so many parents that wanted to volunteer time that it was becoming a distraction during the school day. The school started limiting parent participation on campus but encouraged some of the more “responsible” parents to get certified and stay on as paid teacher aides.

Compare this school to the one I was at yesterday for 5^th grade.

One of the teachers in the teachers lounge was worried about getting six parent volunteer chaperones for a field trip to a museum downtown.

The schools are within five miles of each other.

Zits...

Spring is synonymous with puberty...

March/2008 Stupid News...

From Yahoo News: Student sues after being awakened in class by a teacher

"...
DANBURY, Conn. - Danbury officials have been notified they are being sued by a student who was awakened in class by a teacher who made a loud noise.

Documents filed with the Town Clerk, a prelude to a lawsuit, claim that a sleeping student suffered hearing damage when his teacher woke him up by slamming her hand down on the boy's desk in December.

Attorney Alan Barry says 15-year-old Vinicios Robacher suffered pain and "very severe injuries to his left eardrum" when teacher Melissa Nadeau abruptly slammed the palm of her hand on his desk on Dec. 4.
...

...and...

From Yahoo news: Conn. student suspended for buying candy

...
NEW HAVEN, Conn. - Contraband candy has led to big trouble for an eighth-grade honors student in Michael Sheridan was stripped of his title as class vice president, barred from attending an honors student dinner and suspended for a day after buying a bag of Skittles from a classmate.

School spokeswoman Catherine Sullivan-DeCarlo says the New Haven school system banned candy sales in 2003 as part of a districtwide school wellness policy.

Michael's suspension has been reduced from three days to one, but he has not been reinstated as class vice president. Superintendent Reginald Mayo said Wednesday that the principal was just trying to keep students safe, but that he would review the decision to suspend Michael.

Michael says that he didn't realize his candy purchase was against the rules, but he did notice that the student selling the Skittles on Feb. 26 was being secretive
...

Well, I told you so...

Memorable…

I can honestly say that I can’t remember a single time I had a substitute teacher when I attended grade school. I know there must have been a few times where our regular teacher wasn’t there and someone else was in front of the class. I simply don’t remember any.

It may have been so long ago that I “forgot” due to the onset of early Alzheimer’s (aka: “Old Timers”) disease. I don’t remember.

Maybe it’s due to the fact that I went to a Catholic school where all the teachers dressed alike, in long black and white dresses with a ship’s prow shaped habit that hid all but “the face”. I simply don’t remember any “substitute nun”.

Most of the kids I substitute for don’t remember my real name but there are some who call out “Hi, Mr. Homework” when I arrive on campus. If I’ve been in the class more than twice, I can usually “recognize the face” and more likely than not can’t place the name to go with it.

So it was last week, on the way out to my 5^th grade classroom, that I was confronted by a friendly pint sized boy asking: “Are you a substitute?”

Me: Well, yes I am.
Kid: Are you Mr. Homework?

Me: Well, some kids call me that. What’s your name?
Kid: (He tells me but I forgot now. See how bad I am?...)

Me: What grade are you in?
Kid: I’m in 1^st grade and I know all about you. You write letters on the board when the kids are bad and give them lots of homework, huh!

Me: Well sometimes... How did you know?
(…Since I haven’t subbed any class under 2^nd grade at this school, I’m wondering where this kid is getting his information.)

Kid: My sister is in 4^th grade and told me all about you. Are you coming to my class?
Me: Not today.

Kid: Awww! She said you were fun. I wish we had a substitute today.
Me: “Well, maybe next time…”, as I continue out to my classroom.

I wonder how long it’ll take for the memory of “Mr. Homework” to fade. I’m guessing not much longer than June 13, 2008…the last day of school this year.

Substitutes aren’t meant to be memorable.

Illegal Homeschoolers…

“A California court has ruled that several children in one home school family must be enrolled in a public school or "legally qualified" private school, and must attend, sending ripples of shock into the nation's homeschooling advocates as the family reviews its options for appeal…”

This from the article by Bob Unruh in WorldNetDaily:

Judge orders homeschoolers into government education

“…the case brought against Phillip and Mary Long over the education being provided to two of their eight children. They are considering an appeal to the state Supreme Court, because they have homeschooled all of their children, the oldest now 29, because of various anti-Christian influences in California's public schools.”

When I first saw the title, I naturally assumed the kids in question were being neglected and not being taught how to read, write, spell and “figure sums”. The court was just looking out for the interest of this family’s kids. Not so…

According to the appeals court:

“…the trial court had found that "keeping the children at home deprived them of situations where (1) they could interact with people outside the family, (2) there are people who could provide help if something is amiss in the children's lives, and (3) they could develop emotionally in a broader world than the parents' 'cloistered' setting.

…"

So this has NOTHING to do with the actual “education” or quality of education being provided the kids? Instead this is just a blatant attack on a family because they might not include all the “diversity”, “healthy choice”, “political correctness” crap that passes for “enriched education” in the public schools?

It looks like the two kids in question must be the youngest and are being instructed by the parents to the same standards they taught their other six children. The fact is the kids ARE getting educated!

Not according to the court:

“…judges ruled in the case involving the Longs the family failed to demonstrate "that mother has a teaching credential such that the children can be said to be receiving an education from a credentialed tutor,"

The fact that six other children in their family were successfully educated doesn’t carry any influence?

Not having a credential doesn’t mean you can’t teach. Hell, I don’t have a teaching credential and the public schools allow me, a substitute teacher, to teach your kids for a solid month before they have to replace me with a “real” teacher or, what sometimes happens, another un-credentialed substitute.

As for getting a straight answer from the DOE as to why they seem to be trying to eliminate homeschooling?

“…For years the government school establishment has been lying to parents about the law. Just this week, a Los Angeles Unified school district employee lied to a mother who wanted to homeschool, telling her you must have a license, you must be credentialed and you must follow all the state curriculum. That's three lies in one sentence."

It doesn’t look like you’d get any real kind straight answer from those in charge.

If this becomes a legal precedent, then watch for other school districts to use the ruling as a weapon to force all homeschooling families to abandon their rights as parents.

Barking Seal...

My last couple of weeks so far:

Monday: Sick, constant cough

Tuesday: Sick, louder more frequent constant cough

Wednesday: Sick, barking seal cough, yellow phlegm

Thursday: Sick, barking seal cough, bloody yellow phlegm

Friday: Sick, no improvement, no sleep

Sat: "Called the doctor and the doctor said: No more monkeys..." (Delirious)

Sun: Sick but improving, barking seal cough pretty much only at night.

Monday: Got RX from the Dr.
Hi-Test cough syrup w/cocaine (codeine? eh! toe-may-toe/ taa-maa-toe)

Tuesday: sleep, barking seal, sleep, barking seal, sleep...

?? What day is it now ??

A Most UN-Typical Day…

I’ve been laid up sick all this week so that’s why I’ve not been posting any personal subbing trauma. I thought I was getting better yesterday afternoon when I took an assignment for minimum day today. I had to cancel it later that afternoon when fits of coughing up pukey colored phlegm made the rebound.

This was the first time in four years I have had to call and cancel an assignment.

Last week I posted “A Typical Day” about how a typical subbing experience should go. I thought it might be interesting to do a very “un-typical day”. This day is derived from a compilation of all the “wrong” things that have happened over the last four years, compressed into one subbing assignment day.

1. Getting the assignment:

Because you weren’t sure if one district would keep you busy enough, you signed up to be a sub in three different districts. Smart thinking! But WHY do they always call at 05:30AM for a 08:00AM assignment? Why do I seem to be only getting calls from the same district? AND…Why is it the farthest commute (30mi) from my house?

We find out later in the school year that the district knows you are signed up for multiple districts and therefore they start calling earlier to make sure all THEIR assignments are filled before the other two get a chance to fill theirs.

2. Getting Ready:

Shower, shave, dress business causal and make sure I have some money to buy lunch.

Wait two more hrs till it’s time to leave for school.

3. Getting There:

I don’t need any maps I got the directions off the internet to get to today’s assignment. I arrive an hour early hoping that I can get in and set up with lots of time to spare before the kids arrive.

The school office is deserted and locked. It turns out that the secretary doesn’t get in for another 20 minutes, so I’m waiting in the car reading a book.

4. After Getting There:

The school secretary finally arrives and my hour lead time has been cut to 45minutes. I try to check in at J.F. Jones School and I’m told that they don’t have me listed for today. More checking and the mystery is solved.

I’m at the wrong school.

Elementary schools are usually named after some prominent politician or school functionary. This is how I end up at J.F. Jones School instead of K.R. Jones School. Who knew that Jones was such a common name and I don’t know the address of K.R. Jones School?

The secretary gives me a district map to K.R. Jones School. By the time I get there I’ve only got 15mins until the kids hit the door.

5. Get Data:

(I forget to check the teacher’s box for lesson plans and attendance sheet)

6. Locate Classroom:

I get the key and hoof it out to the farthest building from the office, to the classroom on the end.

Opening the door, I’m hit with (A: Blast of heat in height of summer or B: An icebox of a classroom in the dead of winter. Take your pick).

The Heating/Air system hasn’t worked for several months. The temperature controls are (A: stuck on or B: not working. Take your pick.)

There is no technician available today to fix it. Class starts in less than 10 minutes.

7. Locate Materials

I can’t locate the lesson plans or attendance sheet in the room. I remember that sometimes they are in the teacher’s box. Mad dash back to the office to find the box has only an attendance sheet.

I notify the secretary that I have no lesson plan and she calls the teacher at home: “I sent it via email to Ms. TeacherNextDoor to print out for him”

There is a sub in for Ms. TeacherNextDoor today so she didn’t get the email. The secretary promises a lesson plan shortly after the start of class.

8. Arrange Materials

Return to the classroom to find indignant teacher informing me that I had morning yard duty and because I didn’t show up for it, she had to cover the whole time for me.

Hurried explanations are all I have time for because half the kids lined up on the playground are already in class and I still have to find mine.

9. Board work

We’re finally in class and I attempt to write my name on the white board. I say attempt because all the “Dry Erase” markers are dry and unusable.

I rummage through the bins next to the overhead projector until I find a nice new black marker. I write my name and date on the board and turn around to questioning hand in the air.

Me: “Yes?”

Kid: “That’s the wrong kind of pen. You can’t erase that kind.”

Looking down, sure enough, it’s a black permanent Sharpie.

10. Attendance

Take attendance and stall for time until the lesson plans have been re-sent to the office secretary, printed and delivered.

“Time for Silent Reading (SSR)”

11. Teach

The plans finally arrive. It’s printed out in size 3 type size and barely readable. I notice that the morning duty has been crossed out, and the after school bus duty appended and written in red ink.

The kids are the worst in every way possible. A good third are on meds for ADD, ADHD, ADADAD and WAS. The others are just out of whack. One even has contagious “ringworm” and the school nurse won’t send him home.

By lunchtime, the room is a complete wreck and I seem to be missing four kids.

12. Lunch

I head for the teacher’s lounge for snack lunch of a candy bar and a diet cola.

To promote “Only Healthy Foods” on campus, the district mandated the removal of all vending machines. This includes the “Teachers Only Lounge”. No Diet Pepsi for me.

With my meager lunch money, I head for the school cafeteria to look over the bill of fare. I didn’t know that they could grow apples the size of golf balls, buy 3oz cartons of milk. Hot dogs, pizza slice or PB&J round out what defines a “Healthy Foods” lunch. Imagine, all that for only twice the price of what the kids pay.

It seems that the “kid’s lunch” is government subsidized while food for adults is not. I’m hungry, but not enough to fork over $4 for minuscule, disgusting food.

I resolve to have lunch “after school”.

13. Afternoon

I luck out. As indicated on the plan, today is one kid’s birthday and his Mom has dropped off cup cakes and juice boxes for all the kids plus a few extra. The four kids I lost earlier have made it back in time for “birthday food”.

There is even enough for the “Substitute Teacher” to hold him over till I can hit the “Healthy Food” McDonalds on the way home.

Today, I learn a valuable lesson. Delay all class parties involving food until recess or after school so ants won’t be attracted by the smeared, “healthy food” cupcake topping, ground into the classroom carpet.

14. Cleanup and Leave Report

The final bell rings and kids race out. I’m exhausted but my day isn’t over yet. Remember? I have “bus duty” that stretches my work day another ½ hour.

I leave a written report for the teacher to let her know how your day went. It was all bad.

I don’t feel like cleaning up the room. I make a half hearted attempt to erase my name in permanent marker from the board. Doesn’t work.

15. Exit the Building

Return the classroom key to the office, sign out, go home and notify the district that I don’t want to sub in their district anymore.

…There will be no next day!

Another Reason I Don't Do H.S.

I'm not sure what class this guy was supposed to be substituting, but clearly he's not in control...

Way Cool!

I thought that hard top convertibles were something until I saw this!
My next school car!...

Disappearing Car Door
Uploaded by jatech

How Was Your Day?...

Substitute Teacher Typical Day…

The StatCounter feature listed on this blog shows individual search strings that different search engines used to land here. Some of the search strings used to find this blog have been interesting to say the least.

A few days ago a search for “What is a typical day for a substitute teacher?” didn’t find the answers for one nervous guest teacher, so she emailed me with some basic questions. I now realize they might be useful for other prospective newbie substitute teachers. I only sub for elementary grades K-6^th but I assume the basics are the same for Middle and H.S.

The major differences being you teach only one lesson to 5-6 H.S. classes instead of all the subjects to one elementary class. You also have to take attendance for each period.

This following information may or may not be in the “substitute handbook” you received when you applied for the job. It wasn’t in mine.

My Typical Day:

1) Getting the assignment:

The first year, almost all of my assignments were automated calls in the early morning. About 2-3 hrs (4:30-6:30AM) before the assignment, the phone will ring and request consent to take a class. As you get experience, teachers will pre-arrange assignments days and even weeks in advance. (I hate the early morning phone calls…)

2) Getting Ready:

Shower, shave, dress business causal and make a sack lunch. I take a sack lunch because the typical school “lunch hour” is exactly 40mins and there usually isn’t any time to go off campus to eat. Don’t even ask about buying the school cafeteria lunch. It’s too expensive and crappy quality.

3) Getting There:

Make sure you know how to get to the school before you leave home. I have a binder of MapQuest maps for all the elementary schools in the district. Your assigned arrival time is 30mins before the kids are due to enter your room. If you are a few minutes late, it’s no biggie. If you decide to get there too early you might find yourself waiting in the parking lot until the school secretary arrives.

4) After Getting There:

Check in with the school secretary. Some schools make you sign in before class; others insist you sign on the way out. Get your classroom key and room number. If this is the first time at this school, ask for a map with the location of the office and “your” room marked. Ask for directions to the restrooms, teachers lounge and teachers mail boxes. Use the restroom. You won’t have another opportunity until the first recess.

5) Get Data:

After stowing your lunch in the fridge, find “your teacher’s” mail box and check for an attendance list and/or lesson plans. If they aren’t here then they may already be in the classroom.

6) Locate Classroom:

Unlock door, turn on the lights and, if necessary, the A/C or heating system. I suggest leaving the door locked until you get settled. You don’t want kids running in/out dumping back packs or hanging around while you’re getting settled.

7) Locate Materials

Locate the lesson plans and attendance sheet if you haven’t already brought them over from the office. If you are lucky you might even have a seating chart. If not, this might be a great time to make a rough one using the table arrangements and name tags on the student desks if available.

8) Arrange Materials

Look over the lesson plan, locate all the books and handouts referenced. Might be a good idea to arrange them in the order used and open all books to pages referenced.

9) Board work

Write your name (or alias) with today’s date on the white board. If there is additional time, you might write the day’s agenda on the board from the lesson plan.

10) Go Get’em

When ready, go find where your class lines up. Sometimes it’s right outside the door most times it’s out in the playground. Once the bell rings take them to class and let them get unpacked and settled.

11) Attendance

Introduce yourself and wait until any morning announcements from the office are complete. Take the attendance and lunch count. If you don’t accomplish anything else for the day, you must have the attendance turned in. Most elementary schools here also want to know how many are buying lunch and include it on the daily attendance sheet. Ask the kids who gets to run the attendance over to the office. Different schools, classes have different procedures but the kids “know what to do…”

12) Teach

If you’re lucky, all you have to do is follow the lesson plan, take breaks during recess and lunch and have a great day.

If it isn’t a great day, vent online with your own blog…

13) Cleanup and Leave Report

When the final bell rings and kids are gone, leave a written report for the teacher to let her know how your day went. List anything on the plan that didn’t get done or that you didn’t think went well. Let her know about how her class was with you today. If you have notorious names, list them. If you had any exceptionally helpful kids, list them also. I’ve been told teachers don’t trust subs that write “everything was great” when they find out later it wasn’t.

If you feel up to it, clean the room. The teacher appreciates coming back to a clean room. I usually make the kids clean it up before I let them go home.

14) Exit the Building

Return the classroom key to the office, sign out and go home to relax.

…Until the next day!

(P.S. See attached comments for helpful tips for those in the upper grades that I don't do...)

Valentine’s Day…

G5
Subbing on candy holidays isn’t high on my list of favorites.

Halloween and Valentine's Day are usually to be avoided at all costs. But since the schools are out all next week, I accepted this two day fifth grade assignment hoping for the best.

Could have gone better if:

• …The lesson plan for math wasn’t titled “Valentine Candy Math”. The first instruction on the worksheet was “DON’T EAT THE CANDY HEARTS UNTIL YOUR TEACHER SAYS YOU CAN!!!” As suggested, I repeated this instruction to them even before they entered the classroom. The two page math worksheet had them sorting, listing statistics on number, color and graphing the contents of the box of “SweetHart Candies” on every kid’s desk
  

• …They hadn’t had a class party the day before. They had seven (7) full size bags and assorted flavors of leftover chips that the teacher said to hand out at recess. She didn’t want them left in the classroom over the vacation due to previous problems with mice in the classroom.

Another math problem: Equally divide 7 different sized bags of chips by 32 kids. Can’t do it? Neither could I.

So, at recess time, I took all seven bags and lined them up outside the classroom door. My final instruction before opening the door to the impending stampede was: “Don’t return with any leftovers as they are not coming back into the classroom”.

I was sure the chips would have been devoured by recess end, but I was wrong. Four kids had somehow managed to hoard partial bags of “Flaming Hot Cheetos” and “Ranch Flavored Chips”.

As promised, I confiscated the remnant chips and, to the chorused horror of 32 fifth graders, scattered the hoarded remnants to the seagulls patrolling over head.

Problem solved…

Poke Yer Mom…

The last three days in class have been GREAT! I subbed 1^st, 4^th and 6^th grades at two different schools and they were ALL great kids to be with. The 1^st graders were especially satisfying to be with because messing with their little minds is SO much fun.

I didn’t realize that the Pokémon fad was still popular until “sharing time”. One boy was showing his collection of cards and had the rapt attention of several boys. There were lots of volunteered advice and comments on individual cards and abilities of each character.

Personally, I know absolutely nothing beyond the fact that they are cards and kids like to collect and trade them. So just to mess with them, I innocently asked:

Me: “So you poke a man with these cards? That doesn’t sound very nice…”

Boy Chorus: “No! It’s “Pokie-MON”, not “Poke a Man”!!”

Me: “Oh…my mistake! I get it now, but why would you want to poke your mom? Does she like getting poked with those little cards?…”

Frustrated Chorus: “Noooo! Not like that! Not “Poke Yer MOM! It’s Poké-Monnnnn…”

…I’ve been told that I can be frustrating to little kids at times.

When Life Hands You Lemons...

When Life Hands You Lemons, Just say No!...

PayBack!

This "video" is audio only but listen to this teacher's next day address. I'd like to think that something like this happens every time they give me a rough time...

Ahhh...The smell of "auditory" napalm in the morning....

(Update: Looks like the kid that recorded and uploaded this had second thoughts as it's now been deleted from YouTube. I guess she/he realized that the teacher might figure out who posted it and cause more grief than they were willing to deal with...Smart kid)

Minimum Day, No Way…

Thursdays are “minimum day” in this district. Substituting on a “Thursday” means a full day’s pay for about half a day’s work. Teachers cherish “Thursdays” almost as much as a regular school holiday.

It’s no wonder that substitutes don’t get many calls to work on “Thursdays”.

This morning’s automated call at 06:00am was as unusual as well as it was unexpected. After hearing the assignment, I knew why it was being shopped around.

The assignment was for the worst school in the district where I’ve had problems in the past. It’s also the only school currently on my boycott list.

It was for SDC (Special Day Class) -- in the worst school in the district. (Did I mention that already?)

It was for a two day (Thur/Fri) assignment -- in the worst school in the district.

After what I had experienced, it was a no brainer decision to decline. It was also no surprise that the automated system called ninety minutes later (15mins before the class started) to “offer” it again, as no other substitute in the district wanted to take it either.

NO WAY, TODAY!

Carnival of Education Hits Town...

Can't afford tickets to Cirque du Soleil? Then drive on over to the "Carnival of Education" this week hosted by ringmaster "The Colussus of Rhodey"

The tickets are free and you might pick up some helpful education tips

Earthquake Just Now...

10:39PM PST San Jose ,Calif

An earthquake just rolled through here about a minute ago.
I'm guessing 3.3

After a well deserved day off, I'm back in 6th grade bright and early tomorrow

How to Clean a Classroom…

G4
(Disclaimer: all names changed to protect my derriere in case any parent recognizes their own demon spawn)

I had a pretty tough fourth grade class today. I knew it might be like that from the first minute I entered the classroom before the kids got there.

You can usually tell by the number of isolated desks placed away from the various normal kid “table groups”.

A desk sitting off by itself at the front of the room facing the whiteboard, a desk placed right next to the teacher podium, a back corner near the coat rack, or one off to the extreme one side usually means a troublemaker that needs isolation and constant attention during the day.

This classroom had four.

It could have used a few more, but there wasn’t enough remaining real estate to accommodate any more. I spent 70% of my time riding herd on six individuals while the other twenty-five at least pretended to work.

I don’t know how many times today, I stopped the class to:

…Instruct little Emerald, when she wasn’t wandering room, to not shove paperclips up her nose so as not to pop an eye out.

…Remove the scissors from lil’ Spawn who spent considerable class time making confetti out of his test papers, making small crayon shards from large ones or hiding under the desk when my back was turned.

…Have Brainless moved to sit on the floor facing the sink for shouting out “POOP!” several times during the reading lesson.

…Prefix every question from Darn-yell to ask: “Is the question you want to ask about the subject we’re currently talking about?” This is because she constantly wants attention by raising her hand to tattle, whine, complain or simply ask inane questions not relevant to anything class related.

…and several more examples I’d like just like to purge from my memory.

It’s nearing the end of the day and I’m mentally spent. The room is trashed with garbage on the floor and my mood almost homicidal.

I don’t want to spend any more time in this classroom than necessary but I also don’t want to leave it the garbage pit the kids generated today, so I had an idea.

I make the following announcement: “We’re done a little early today, so I think I’ll let you go out 20 minutes before the bell”

(The kids cheer!)

“But the only way I can do this is if the class is cleaned up. Everything that doesn’t belong on the floor needs to be picked up, put away or tossed in the trash. When it’s all done, everyone can go. If not we stay till the bell. It’s your choice!” as I walk back and stand in front of the door.

The kids pick up a token amount of trash and line up at the door: “Can we go now?” I look around and simply point to some trash I can see from where I’m standing: “No”

Someone picks up the item, I was pointing at: “Can we go now?”

I look and point to some more garbage while explaining: “Even if it’s not your garbage, it needs to be picked up or no one leaves for early free time!”

Now they’re getting the idea. Hoards of kids are now furiously combing the carpet with rulers scraping up bits of paper, crayon, paper clips and staples being painfully aware that 10 precious minutes of “free time” have already passed.

They are back in line: “How about now?”

It’s actually acceptable at this point, but I don’t relent. I spot a white dot about ½ the size of a spit wad and point.

“OH MAN! You gotta be kidding!!”, but there is a new flurry of activity knowing that time is slipping minute by minute.

Now they’re back and I’m finally ready to let them go.

Opening the door, “Ok, you can go…”

…just as the dismissal bell rings

Not My Worst Tuesday…

G6

Same class, 2^nd day went much better than yesterday. I had an advance look at today’s lesson plan before I left yesterday afternoon. It made it much easier to go over the upcoming assignments and re-organize the books and paper piles in the order I needed to use them.

Remember, yesterday, when I said: “…ONE kid had a bit too much ‘sassy mouth’ but I can’t really blame him for the whole day?”

Well today he had to go away for a while for RSP, ELD, ADD, ATT, or some such other acronym that hopefully meant “Attitude Adjustment in Class”. Once he was gone, the rest of the class was GREAT! When he came back, I could immediately see the difference in the entire class attitude.

This kid will be moving on to middle school in a few months. I pity then next substitute that has to deal with him

(This is why I don't do middle school...)

Not My Best Monday…

G6

I don’t think I did my best work today.

I had a four page, handwritten lesson plan, all the books in a pile and the handout work in the single folder marked “Monday”.

Everything I needed was there.

Sure the lesson plan was somewhat disorganized as it had some cross outs, arrows re-arranging the times at which I was supposed to do present material. A few, somewhat, cryptic shorthand notes about what she wanted done was cleared up at the end of the day when I reread the plan after finding some material I hadn’t used on the desk.

I collected a quiz instead of having the kids correct each others paper because I didn’t find the answer key in sub folder until after class. (It was in the folder, I just missed it).

The kids weren’t the problem. A little chatty, but not enough that I couldn’t handle them. I DID have ONE kid that had a bit too much “sassy mouth” but I can’t really blame him for the whole day.

I just wasn’t on the ball today.

At least it’s over! We survived and no one got injured, lost or hysterically sick.

I get to try again in this class – tomorrow!

Light Payday for January…

G3

Friday was the last day of the pay period for the month of January. I was fortunate to pick up two days in the same 3^rd grade class this last week. I say “fortunate” because it tripled my paycheck for the month.

For the entire month, I picked up only three classes subbing. Not quite enough to cover the medical insurance payment for January.

Oh, that’s another other bit of good news for us. We finally have medical insurance again as of Jan/1!

After dumping our previous “we deny all claims” carrier, Crap Assed National, Inc., we reapplied to the big “Blue” carriers. We were subsequently “declined” by Blue Cross and ignored for a few months by Blue Shield.

We then applied and were successfully accepted by Kaiser Permanente. (…Blue Shield finally responded a month later, but by then it was too late to consider them.)

But, back to class:

Third graders are great! They still like school and want to do work. They still tattle a little but they are gradually moving out of that phase.

They are a lot of fun to be around, even if I have to confiscate the occasional improvised blow gun made from a ballpoint pen sleeve and pen cartridge.

“Blow gun” duly noted and taped to the substitute teacher “End of Day” report…

No Touchin' Parts...

G6

Half of January has slipped by without any calls. So I took this morning’s 06:30am call for a 6^th grade assignment.

Wait, I have to take that back. I did get three calls from teachers last week but they were for classes in mid-February so I can’t count those for the January payday.

I’ve been at this school, maybe three times since I started subbing three years ago. It’s in a not so great area of town so I knew I might be in for a rough day.

There was a school “Expectations Assembly” listed for 08:45am and a two hour movie for the afternoon. There wasn’t much teachable instruction listed on the lesson plan so my job today is mainly crowd control.

08:45am: I had the troop of 30 kids walk over to the cafeteria only to be told that the upper grade assembly was at 09:15am, so back to class.

09:15am: We’re back at the cafeteria and I can see the lower grade assembly is still in progress. I’m then instructed to return to the classroom and come back at 09:30am. I also notice that we’re the only upper grade class to show up at 09:15am so I’m looking a little incompetent not knowing when and where I’m supposed to be today.

09:30am: I’m tempted to wait in the classroom until someone calls but, instead, I dutifully march them over the third time today and walk into a totally empty cafeteria.

The boys immediately start baseball sliding across the floors while I’m trying to decide if I should take them back to class, for the third time today or wait a few to see if the other classes start to show.

Fortunately, another class showed up a few minutes later followed by the rest of the 4^th, 5^th and 6^th graders.

The principal’s “Expectations Assembly” is basically all the rules listed in the student handbook they all get at the beginning of the year.

It’s the same “Expectations Assembly” the principal does twice each year, every year.

Some of the highlights:

1) How to use the bathroom:

• Pee and crap in the toilet, not on the seat or floor.
• Flush.
• Wash your hands.

2) Attendance

• Show up every day
• Show up on time.
• Make sure your parents pick you up on time.
• No cuttin’ school.

3) Behavior

• No touchin’ each other's private parts.
• No teachers touchin’ your private parts (report immediately)
  
• No fightin’
• No promotin’ fightin’
• No sex, gay or swearin’talk.
• No guns, knives or weapons (simulated or real)
• No taggin’ (graffiti)
• No running, no tag or chase games
• No sharing food.

3) Dress Code

• No hoodies (both - hats)
• No saggin’ (boys - pants)
• No wheelies (both – shoes w/wheels)
• No hooker wear (girls – clothing tops, bottoms or high heels)

Then in a bizarre switch of topics to end the assembly, the principal has volunteers from each of the classes come up and tell the group which college they will be attending once they graduate H.S.

I heard Stanford, Santa Clara University, San Diego, San Jose State, Harvard and Yale (or maybe it was "jail") all mentioned.

Hopeful Alzheimer’s Treatment...

This comes several years too late for my Mom but if it's legit, this is BIG news...

Reversal Of Alzheimer's Symptoms Within Minutes In Human Study

“It is unprecedented that we can see cognitive and behavioral improvement in a patient with established dementia within minutes of therapeutic intervention,” said Griffin.

“It is imperative that the medical and scientific communities immediately undertake to further investigate and characterize the physiologic mechanisms involved. This gives all of us in Alzheimer’s research a tremendous new clue about new avenues of research, which is so exciting and so needed in the field of Alzheimer’s. Even though this report predominantly discusses a single patient, it is of significant scientific interest because of the potential insight it may give into the processes involved in the brain dysfunction of Alzheimer’s.”

While the article discusses one patient, many other patients with mild to severe Alzheimer’s received the treatment and all have shown sustained and marked improvement.

From: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...0109091102.htm

Understanding Math Is More Important Than the Correct Answer...

Thomas Andrew (Tom) Lehrer (born April 9, 1928) is an American singer-songwriter, satirist, pianist, and mathematician. The guy lip syncing this bit isn't but adds visual comedic value.

FYI: Math base "8" was (is?) used in computer programming in the old days (1980's) when computers were programmed in binary, octal and hexadecimal assembly language.

If you get the following joke, then you know what I'm talking about:

"There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't..."

John Paul For President?

I'm so confused. The choices don't seem clear. Are they sincere or just the mud slinging pond scum they appear to be? Does my vote even count since I don't live in Iowa, Wyoming or New Hampshire? (I live in California...)

So, like all lackadaisical, lazy members of the Great Online Society, I turned to the WorldWideWackyNet to tell me who I should vote for in the next election.

Surprise! It's a tie between John McCain and Ron Paul?
I guess I'll just split the difference do a write in vote for Mr. John Paul for President...

Go ahead. Give it a go and try it out here -> Select a Candidate: President

If you care to share, use the comment section post your "choice" and your state/country of residence.

Highlite of the CES-2008 Show...

As as you might have noticed, I haven't been too active with the blogging lately.

Even though Christmas break has ended, the calls haven't started yet. So, I'm at home enjoying time with the granddaughter (2 1/2) while my son and DIL are off to Las Vegas to attend the CES-2008 show.

I'm not sure they got to attend the Bill Gates final keynote address, but in case they missed it, here is a Bill Gates tribute video!

Almost as funny as some of those PC/Apple commercials...


Video: Bill Gates Last Day CES Clip