Klepto Katie…

Katie put a booger on my chair!!

As designated chair inspector for the day, I pointed out that the indicated booger on his chair was just a scuff mark. 

“It’s NOT A BOOGER! Now let’s get back to work and quit tattling!”

At first impressions, it appeared that the short, cute little girl was being picked on and bullied by some of the other kids in the classroom. But after the first half dozen, tattletale complaints, I started watching Katie with more than the usual frequency of required scrutiny. Initial impressions can be wrong.

It’s the second day in this classroom and I’m see that “they” aren’t picking on Katie, SHE is picking on “them”!!  

 Katie goes out of her way to tick off as many of her classmates as possible in the most irritating ways and she’s very sneaky about doing it!

When she thinks I’m not looking in her direction and she’s off on the next quest to push some buttons. If she’s not constantly blowing her nose and pretending to wipe it on chairs, desks and bodies on her way to the trash can, she’s snatching anything that isn’t nailed down off/under/around the desks of other kids as she wanders the room.

Katie (not her real name) is a 3rd grader at the country club school just up the road from where I live. She is having a hard time making friends. It’s pretty easy to see why.

When I had a chance, I called her over for a quite conference to point out that I was aware of some of the things she was doing.

K: Nobody likes me.

Me: Why do you think that?

K: (shrugs)

Me: Do you think maybe that when someone takes things without asking might not be the best way to “borrow” stuff?

K: (nods yes)

Me: Katie, can you see how words like ‘please’, ‘thank you’, and ‘May I’ might help you to make friends.

K: I don’t have any friends.

Me: No friends at all?

K: (she nods the affirmative).

Me: Don’t you want to have friends?

K: (another nod).

Me: Do you see how taking other kids’ things and putting pretend boogers on peoples’ stuff might not seem “friendly”?  

K: (another nod)

Me: So why don’t we try to do the ‘friendly’ thing and “ask” permission before “borrowing” stuff and also stop putting pretend boogers on people.

Do you think that might work?

K: (smiles and nods again)

Me: Let’s get back to work, OK?

As she makes her way back to her chair, I watch as she snatched a pencil off the first unattended desk she passed.

My end of day report, including observations about Katie, was probably not new information to the teacher.

Must Be Nice…

I subbed two 5th grade classes on Monday & Tuesday this week. The first was a tough day, the second pretty easy.

Those were the only subbing days I’ve worked since the Thanksgiving break. Five days of vacation break followed by an additional seven days of no calls.

“Must be nice”, she said going out the door to work while I’m lounging in my PJ’s.

My wife has one of those regular jobs where they expect you to show up for work on a regular basis. She’s also into a ton of extra curricular, non-paying activities that most times make for some real long days away from the house.

She’s tired and stressed. She’s got too much to do and not enough time to do it all. I understand completely what she’s feeling. She’d like to have more time to herself. She’d like an unscheduled day, week or even a month off. I know I enjoy it!

I don’t have to ask for a day off or “get it approved” by anyone. I don’t need a reason. I don’t have to prepare for someone else to do my job for me in case I have to cancel at the last moment. It’s actually pretty stress free most of the time.

While regular teachers DO get a lot of time off, I get even more. I get the three months of summer plus 3-4 weeks during the school year for the scheduled holiday weeks. I also get any days that I can’t work due to personal commitments and days where I simply “don’t wanna go”. Add to that the days I don’t work because I’m not needed and it sometimes seems like I’m not working at all!

So when she says: “Must be nice”, I know I’m supposed to feel guilty. To assuage that guilt, I simply state that she could have all those same benefits (plus low pay) that I have. All she has to do is quit and start substitute teaching too!

But…she reads this blog and “must be nice” doesn’t much come to mind compared to her current job.

Walk Don’t Walk…

At the elementary school, yard duty is actually pretty boring duty. Be the adult presence in the yard. Walk around and keep the peace. Attempt to have the eyes in the back of your head to see that errant basketball before it hits you in the back.

“Walk! Don’t run!” is the order of the day even though it seems counter productive to not to encourage a healthy activity like running just for the fun of it.

Someone might fall and hurt themselves is the explanation. But we’re sending mixed signals, commanding kids to “RUN! Don’t walk!” laps during P.E. class. These are the same kids who would willingly chase after each other at tilt-a-whirl speed for the entire 20min recess if we let them.

The playgrounds we had when we went to school were all concrete or asphalt. Yea, there were some skinned knees and sore elbows, but it was part of the risk of having fun. You quickly learned the limits of your gymnastic ability.

Now the school playgrounds, where all the climbing bars, swings and slides are located, have a spongy rubber matted surface underlay to cushion any fall. Does this reduce the risk of injury? My informal observations seem to indicate that kids tend to jump off swings and climbing bars from much higher heights than I ever remember doing.

I guess I’m supposed to discourage jumping off things any higher than a foot or so but they don’t seem to be injuring themselves, so I let it slide. They’re having fun.

(…Why is that teacher with the horrified look running over here? Should blow my whistle and yell at her to “WALK, DON’T RUN?”)

Random Classroom Observations …

I carry a clipboard with all the necessary paperwork I’ll need throughout the day. This normally includes a copy of the daily lesson plan, a blank substitute teacher report form to fill in during the day and a separate blank piece of paper to jot down “items of interest” that I think might or might not be blog worthy.

This previous weeks’ collection of “interesting items” from various 4th and 5th grade classrooms includes:

Q: What quirky unlabeled Apple notebook computer icon is used to boot up the “SmartBoard™ program” in the morning as instructed in the lesson plan?
A: It’s the blue circle thingy called “Notebook”, of course!

Q: How do you fix the SmartBoard™ when it freezes up during the lesson?
A: After furiously trying different electronic pens, the electronic eraser, and tapping every control icon you can see with a finger (not the finger I’d REALLY like to use), you give up and revert to real whiteboard markers and the tiny bit of actual whiteboard space not covered the idiot SmartBoard™.

Q: Are books written in Hebrew or Spanish allowed during “Silent Reading” time?
A: Unless specifically limited to “English only” on the lesson plan, I say yes! At least they are reading or at least pretending to. Just don’t expect me to help pronounce or know the meaning of any specific word. Especially the Hebrew!

Q: What would possess a kid check out a book from the school library, return it to the city public library and believe the school librarian shouldn’t get all worked up over it?
A: I don’t know. That’s what kids do.

Q: What would possess a kid (different kid) to draw pictures of spacemen and cowboys in a school library book and expect the school librarian to be “ok with that”?
A: I don’t know. That’s what kids do.

Q: Should the class “wannabe gangsta” with a real bad attitude toward other kids and adults be allowed to leave the classroom to do his job as “a conflict manager”?
A: I was sure this had to be a scam, but the office verified it was true!

Q: Should a kid get detention (I had recess monitor duty in the detention room) for drawing the wrong Indian god for homework?
A: I thought “government” and “religion” weren’t compatible in public schools. I guess it’s only with “some” religions the government has a problem.

Not Mister Rogers' Neighborhood…

In four years of subbing, I’ve subbed at this school on only three previous occasions. It’s one of the farthest schools in the district from my house. It’s considered one of the more, let’s just say, “troubled” areas of town.

Mister Rogers' neighborhood it’s not. This impression was reinforced in yesterday’s 2nd grade class. The assignment was a Social Studies lesson on the differences between a neighborhood, community and a town.

Suggestion Example: A “neighborhood” is made of families who live next door (neighbors), in the same apartment building, on the same street, or send their kids to the same school. People in the “neighborhood” might get to know each other by having 4th of July BBQ’s, neighborhood cleanup days, football parties or back to school night at the local school.

Prompt: “Ask the kids about activities that happen in their neighborhood”

Here’s the short list, before I cut them off, of some neighborhood “activities” that they experience in their neighborhood: car accidents, robbery, fire in the back yard (arson), stolen car (multiple), car break-ins, car vandalism, car fire (intentional) and two murders.

I tried to steer them back to examples of “positive” activities, but no one came up with anything other than one birthday party “bounce house” that some uninvited neighborhood kids asked to play in.

(This was also one of the toughest assignments, behavior wise, I’ve had in a long time.)

Achievement…

What can the average person expect to achieve in his or her lifetime?

While some will, I’m pretty sure most of us won’t snag a Nobel, Emmy, Golden Globe or even first prize at the county fair.

What most of us can expect to achieve is a high school diploma, a college diploma, maybe even a PhD if the money and brains hold out.

Most of us can expect to achieve finding that special someone to share a life.

Most of us can expect to achieve parenthood if so inclined.

Most of us will experience a few years in one or more careers before settling into the retired life.

I just had one of those “decade birthdays”.

I won’t say when it was or what number it was, but there were fireworks involved and let’s just say that “The Sixty’s Generation” has a whole ‘nother meaning for me now.

While any achievement in my previous career may now be obsolete (such is the pace of cutting edge software design), I now realize that true achievement isn’t all about attaining recognition, wealth or status. It’s really much more basic.

For my surprise birthday party, Claudette and daughter Jene’ compiled a “memory book”.

Now that my real memory is beginning to encounter a few “bad sector” faults, they felt that a hard copy backup was necessary. As I started to peruse my birthday book, I came across pictures and comments from lots-a-people I hadn’t expected and others I hadn’t seen for a while.

I must admit that this was an emotional moment as I realize that the following is MY true life achievement:

It’s the best I could ever have hoped for...

Memorable…

I can honestly say that I can’t remember a single time I had a substitute teacher when I attended grade school. I know there must have been a few times where our regular teacher wasn’t there and someone else was in front of the class. I simply don’t remember any.

It may have been so long ago that I “forgot” due to the onset of early Alzheimer’s (aka: “Old Timers”) disease. I don’t remember.

Maybe it’s due to the fact that I went to a Catholic school where all the teachers dressed alike, in long black and white dresses with a ship’s prow shaped habit that hid all but “the face”. I simply don’t remember any “substitute nun”.

Most of the kids I substitute for don’t remember my real name but there are some who call out “Hi, Mr. Homework” when I arrive on campus. If I’ve been in the class more than twice, I can usually “recognize the face” and more likely than not can’t place the name to go with it.

So it was last week, on the way out to my 5^th grade classroom, that I was confronted by a friendly pint sized boy asking: “Are you a substitute?”

Me: Well, yes I am.
Kid: Are you Mr. Homework?

Me: Well, some kids call me that. What’s your name?
Kid: (He tells me but I forgot now. See how bad I am?...)

Me: What grade are you in?
Kid: I’m in 1^st grade and I know all about you. You write letters on the board when the kids are bad and give them lots of homework, huh!

Me: Well sometimes... How did you know?
(…Since I haven’t subbed any class under 2^nd grade at this school, I’m wondering where this kid is getting his information.)

Kid: My sister is in 4^th grade and told me all about you. Are you coming to my class?
Me: Not today.

Kid: Awww! She said you were fun. I wish we had a substitute today.
Me: “Well, maybe next time…”, as I continue out to my classroom.

I wonder how long it’ll take for the memory of “Mr. Homework” to fade. I’m guessing not much longer than June 13, 2008…the last day of school this year.

Substitutes aren’t meant to be memorable.