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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

No Touchin' Parts...


Half of January has slipped by without any calls. So I took this morning’s 06:30am call for a 6th grade assignment.

Wait, I have to take that back. I did get three calls from teachers last week but they were for classes in mid-February so I can’t count those for the January payday.

I’ve been at this school, maybe three times since I started subbing three years ago. It’s in a not so great area of town so I knew I might be in for a rough day.

There was a school “Expectations Assembly” listed for 08:45am and a two hour movie for the afternoon. There wasn’t much teachable instruction listed on the lesson plan so my job today is mainly crowd control.

08:45am: I had the troop of 30 kids walk over to the cafeteria only to be told that the upper grade assembly was at 09:15am, so back to class.

09:15am: We’re back at the cafeteria and I can see the lower grade assembly is still in progress. I’m then instructed to return to the classroom and come back at 09:30am. I also notice that we’re the only upper grade class to show up at 09:15am so I’m looking a little incompetent not knowing when and where I’m supposed to be today.

09:30am: I’m tempted to wait in the classroom until someone calls but, instead, I dutifully march them over the third time today and walk into a totally empty cafeteria.

The boys immediately start baseball sliding across the floors while I’m trying to decide if I should take them back to class, for the third time today or wait a few to see if the other classes start to show.

Fortunately, another class showed up a few minutes later followed by the rest of the 4th, 5th and 6th graders.

The principal’s “Expectations Assembly” is basically all the rules listed in the student handbook they all get at the beginning of the year.

It’s the same “Expectations Assembly” the principal does twice each year, every year.

Some of the highlights:

1) How to use the bathroom:

  • Pee and crap in the toilet, not on the seat or floor.
  • Flush.
  • Wash your hands.

2) Attendance

  • Show up every day
  • Show up on time.
  • Make sure your parents pick you up on time.
  • No cuttin’ school.

3) Behavior

  • No touchin’ each other's private parts.
  • No teachers touchin’ your private parts (report immediately)
  • No fightin’
  • No promotin’ fightin’
  • No sex, gay or swearin’talk.
  • No guns, knives or weapons (simulated or real)
  • No taggin’ (graffiti)
  • No running, no tag or chase games
  • No sharing food.

3) Dress Code

  • No hoodies (both - hats)
  • No saggin’ (boys - pants)
  • No wheelies (both – shoes w/wheels)
  • No hooker wear (girls – clothing tops, bottoms or high heels)

Then in a bizarre switch of topics to end the assembly, the principal has volunteers from each of the classes come up and tell the group which college they will be attending once they graduate H.S.

I heard Stanford, Santa Clara University, San Diego, San Jose State, Harvard and Yale (or maybe it was "jail") all mentioned.

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