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Thursday, February 16, 2006

What I Forgot...

The last two days I’ve been in Kindergarten. These are my first Kinder assignments in about eight months.

What I forgot…

1. They constantly tattle like little machine guns.

2. They can’t remember directions beyond the first two words.
Instructions: “Color the tree brown and the leaves green…” is executed as multi hued flora of Technicolor wonders, only some of which ends up with brown trees and green leaves.

3. They cry if you say “No”

4. That repeating the mantra “Print your name at the top of the paper” works for only 30% of the class. The rest need you to point your finger at where the “top of the paper” is and wait while they print the name.

5. That sitting still “Criss-cross, apple sauce with zip locked lips” isn’t achievable for more than 5 seconds.

6. That you MUST, MUST make sure each kinder gets an EQUAL amount of snack going out to recess. …And you better not run out of snack before the last kid reaches the door.

7. They can’t read or write words longer than four letters, so Mr. HOMEWORK is powerless to threaten assigning the extra homework essay if they act up.

8. They are short. You aren’t. That means you need a tune-up at the chiropractor tomorrow.

And last…to carry this list the next time the automated sub system calls for a Kinder assignment.

…Did I forget anything? If I did, leave a comment and I’ll add it to the list later.

Check the reader comments link ----v


Jeff said...

Hand sanitizer

Magpie Chick said...

I've only been subbing for a month, and I had my first Kinder class today. Two things I wish I had known:
1. At least one kid will have a finger up their nose at any given moment, and no amount of "Do you need a tissue?" will help.
2. They pass gas at will.

Hanley Family said...

You guys have recess? I'm jealous...well, not anymore now that I homeschool, but the kiddos in my school did not get recess back when I taught.

I remember the restroom issues. If one has to go, they all have to go. And I think this is a S. TX thing, but I tell you when kids don't flush the TP, it gets really gross in those little restrooms.

graycie said...

Story time starts out with them in their little chairs in a half-circle around you, but by the fourth page every little chair is right up against you knees and they are each holding a bit of your clothing.

"Ms. Cornelius" said...

Wear clothes you don't need to dry clean, because handprints from the art project will end up all around your stomach and posterior as they try to get your attention.

Bring a guitar, and promise them song time if they get all their work done. Do not sing Rolling Stones or P Diddy songs if they get story time. Puff the magic dragon is pretty safe, unless it's a fundamentalist Christian school which believes magic is devil worship, in which case I like He's Got the Whole World in His Hands.

KauaiMark said...

Ms. Cornelius
Guitar? Singing? I refer you to ->Kinder plans

Mike in Texas said...


Heck I see 4th graders with their fingers up their noses. Sometimes I have to tell the 2nd graders to stop eating them.

Anonymous said...

Suddenly high school seems less intimidating...

Magpie Chick said...

Mike in Texas,
Ew. I haven't come across that yet. Just one more thing to look forward to! Of course, I've spent the last week in HS, and I'm starting to look back on the nose-picking with a sort of wistfullness...

OccTrav said...

Hey, I'm an Elementary Education student and for my technology class we have to blog about things we have read. I commented on your post about my own experiences in a kindergarten class (that's where I'm placed)

Anonymous said...

I happened upon this blog page while looking for things to teach a precocious kid who will be starting KG this fall. The comments I see here do not reflect anything that I see in the preschool that my kid goes too. The kids there are in fact quite well-behaved. Yes, sometimes chatty, but on the whole they are extremely curious and interested to learn about the world around them.

It is interesting that not a single one of you brought the interesting and positive attributes that you have seen in KG children and what you have learned by teaching them. Most all of you dwell on the trivial. No one spoke about interesting things you taught them, different approaches to teaching/learning that worked and did not work, how you taught them to look at the world from different viewpoints and how you made it interesting... No single comment on elevating the general teaching standard to a higher level. Appalling. I suppose unlike the rest of us the posters here were born as adults.

KauaiMark said...


"..No one you taught them to look at the world from different viewpoints and how you made it interesting"

I assume that you did catch the word "substitute teacher" in the title of my blog.

I don't get the time and/or preparation for all that stuff about world viewpoints for kinders etc.

I'm doing good if I get a few names straight by the end of the day.

So my real life "observations" are about the other 19 kids in class who are normal 5yr olds and not so perfect or precocious