It’s A Free Day! Score!…

My friend Gary says I’m cheap and I’ll do anything for something that’s free. He’s mostly right.

Everyone gets coupons for free stuff and/or discounts every now and again. Most of the time it’s for stuff you don’t want, can’t use or don’t need “two for the price of one” of when one will last forever.

Then again, sometimes the confluence of free stuff and this week’s lack of cash in my wallet make it worthwhile to cash in on discount loot.

Today was my “free day”.

I gathered the following collection of accumulated “instead of cash” currency and made the afternoon lunch run.

1. $5 gift certificate for In-N-Out Burger for doing an online survey for something I forget.

2. A twist off plastic cap for a free 1 Liter coke product.

3. A coupon I got in the mail for one 4 pound sample of Purina One cat food.

A cholesterol busting Double-Double burger, fries and drink lunch was followed by a trek across the parking lot to Albertson’s super market to scam my free coke and cat food.

I exit the store to find…MORE FREE STUFF! The Scott Paper Company was handing out free sample rolls of toilet paper and moist wipes!

Total “free day” cost? Fifty six cents!

Tax on the burger and recycle deposit on the coke bottle somewhat spoiled the “free day” experience but what the hey. Nothing is perfect!

…This is truly pathetic. I need a full time job.

In the mean time, how about listing your best “free day score” in the comments section?

My Wife Flushed The Cat…

I was awakened from semi-dream state Thursday morning to Claudette’s excited tone that “…the cat clogged the toilet!” At least that’s what I thought I heard. “…It just jumped off the shelf when I flushed and it disappeared and now the water won’t go down!”

I'm awake at this point but still slow on the uptake wondering how one of our cats could possibility get flushed down the toilet. Even the smaller cat couldn’t even remotely fit through the toilet flusher hole. At most, all they’d get is wet and super pissed off.

Upon further clarification, it becomes apparent that a shelf next to the toilet got bumped, a little cat figurine fell into the toilet and is now the victim of apparent inanimate animal suicide.

Sure enough, repeated test flushing revealed rising water levels more than double the usual point then slowly draining indicated a blockage. So my job for today is fixing the toilet.

Now, I really hate fixing plumbing problems. I can never get it right the first time without leaks and at least two trips to the hardware store. I never have the correct sized part or the correct number and variety of parts. So I’m really going to try and not take the toilet apart to clear this cat clog.

I spend the next hour or so trying to push the cat the rest of the way through toilet channel using a combination of coat hangers, plumbers snake and the ole’ trusty ‘D’-cup toilet plunger to no avail. Several test flushes showed the cat was still not on its merry way to San Francisco bay. DAMN!

Undeterred by this lack of progress, I decided all I need is more “push” to dislodge the drowned cat. I go to the hardware store and find a “Hi-Tec Super Floosher Toilet Plunger” guaranteed to unclog any toilet. Another hour of “flooshing” back home did nothing to encourage the trapped cat to continue its water park adventure ride.

Finally resigned to the realization that I WILL have to take the toilet completely apart, I procrastinate the rest of the day while making a list of toilet parts I’ll need to re-assemble the dang thing after I extract that miserable cat. ….Tomorrow!

As a last ditch effort, I tried to convince Claudette that we could just label this bathroom “For Liquid Waste Only”. Reasoning that, “It still kinda works and we DO have two other perfectly functioning facilities in the house!” She just gave me that droopy eyed look that said “No Dice” before going off to work the next day.

So another trip to the hardware store for toilet parts and a couple more hours in the bathroom surrounded by sopping wet towels and many swear words, I finally extract the medium egg shaped ceramic cat from the bowels of white porcelain toilet.

Undamaged, thoroughly rinsed with a Cheshire grin, it mocks me while I spend another hour re-assembling its former watery prison and clean up the bathroom.

Claudette returns home to find the formally flushed feline sitting on the counter. She tells me, emphatically, that she doesn’t want it back! “It was in the toilet with all that ….stuff”

Damn cat…

What's Your Excuse?...

Found the following on the web:

Excerpts from a collection of actual excuse notes from parents (including spelling) from the Office of Educational Assessment at the University of Washington.

“Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak...”

“Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault...”

“Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday…”

“My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines...”

“Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover…”

Full list here: http://www.strangeplaces.net/weirdthings/excuses.html

Substitute Certificate Renewal…

Finally! Something easily accomplished when dealing with the government. I was able to do an online renewal for my county Substitute Teaching Certificate. At $57, I guess I’m committed for at least one half of a class day this coming school year to break even.

So You Think Your Neighbor-Hood is Tough?...

Nigerian pets?...

These photos of hyenas and babbons somewhere in Nigera are making the internet rounds.

How would you like these kids in your class to have a "Bring Your Pet To School Day" for show-and-tell?

"Take Your Pet To School" Day...

Tough neighborhood...

Hey! I’m Sorta, Somewhat, Almost, Semi-Famous…

Discovered today that my blog has made the blogroll in the online Mercury News A&E Interactive section of the local paper! Left hand side, bottom the page, “Substitute Teacher”

Busy Body…

I’m going to reveal something about myself that may or may not be popular.

Did you ever throw a late night beer bust with outdoor loud speakers still going strong at 02:00am when the cops showed up to close it down? Have you ever wondered WHO called the cops to cruise by and shut it down? That was me!

Got a junker of car with flat tires that’s been parked on the street for months and was finally red tagged for towing? Yep, me.

Ever decide that during a dry, drought plagued, “High Fire Danger” summer season the best way to get rid of the six foot tall weeds in the back yard across from my house is to intentionally set them on fire only to have the fire department show up to douse the blaze and issue you a fine? Me again!

(All this stuff really DID really happen…)

Inconsiderate people don’t get consideration from me. But occasionally, I’ll stick my nose in where it just might do someone else some good.

As I was coming back from an appointment Monday of this week, I passed the parking lot of Country Club elementary school where I had my first subbing assignment last year. I noticed something peculiar about a car parked in the nearly empty lot. The car was sitting on the ground with all four wheels missing.

My thought was that this must have been stolen and the fancy rims stripped. It’s summer, the school is not in session and this school isn’t on a particularly busy street. It could be a while before this gets reported. If it was my car, I’d like to get it back ASAP.

I live in the 10^th largest city in the nation according to today’s newspaper, but I don’t think that some of the city services have kept pace.

I called 311, the non-emergency number, to report the possibly stolen car.

I’m on automated “hold” for twenty minutes while “All other operators are busy. Please hold…” before I give up and try again.

The non-emergency menu selection indicates an alternative number for the “city directory assistance operator”. I try that and get a very helpful person who sympathizes with my long attempts to contact the police. She suggests the office of “code enforcement” might help and directs my call.

I give CEG (Code Enforcement Guy) all the relevant information. The school name, the car license plate number, etc.

CEG: I need the complete name and mailing address of the school.
ME: Whaaa? I don’t have the EXACT address, but how many schools might there BE at the corner of San Fli___ Road and Farn___? Don’t you have MapQuest, YahooMaps?

CEG: I can’t help you unless I have the exact address.
ME: Ok. Fine! I’ll look up the address from my school district maps

CEG: Great, we’ll send a letter out to the property owner right away.
ME: You mean you aren’t going to send a cop car out to take a look?

CEG: No, we have to send the property owner a letter and wait two weeks for them to respond before we can move it. (He means he’s going to send the SCHOOL a letter about the car!)
ME: Since the “property” is a public school, doesn’t that mean YOU, the city, own the property? You’re going to send yourself a letter? (I’m trying not to get TOO sarcastic at this point)

CEG: Well, that’s how it’s done.
ME: OOOOHHH KKKAAA…Bye now.

I called 311 again and waited for the “real police” to answer. It took another twenty minutes on automated hold for them to pick up. Four minutes later I completed the report to which they responded that they’d send someone out to check on it.

Over an hour of my time spent but the car was gone the next day.

CEG called me back today to tell me that they couldn’t send the code compliance letter because their department handles only private school properties.

Never mind…

Wild Cat Rodeo Roundup…

Rozilla..

Nothing beats a tiring day like rounding up a bunch of sugar high Kindergartners. Unless it’s medicating an unwilling cat...

My wife has a cat. Two cats actually.

It’s been three years since we got these cats from the local rescue shelter. We haven’t had to deal with flea problems owning these hairy fur balls for pets…until now!

After three flea free years (try saying that 10 times in a row!) and the onset of summer, the fleas have somehow found their way indoors to feast on these two over fed mobile blood lunch wagons. So we got this overpriced, liquid stuff you’re supposed to rub in on the back of the cats’ neck once a month to get rid of the biting bugs and prevent them from coming back.

The “easy” cat was no problem. A pat on the head, scratch the belly and a dose on the back of the neck and we’re done.

The other cat, aptly named ROZILLA, is a different story. Rozzee hasn’t ever been to the vet because she doesn’t trust us enough to pick her up. When I’m occasionally stupid enough to try, I get a twisting, furiously hissing, screaming, spitting, ball of fur and muscle which usually results in making us both very wary and unhappy with each other.

So we’ve come to somewhat of a truce. As long as I don’t try and touch the cat with both hands she’ll submit, somewhat flinchingly, to an occasional one handed scratch behind the ear.

Our plan was simple. I was to immobilize Rozzee with a beach towel and expose the neck area for Claudette to apply the medication. The execution of the plan wasn’t so simple.

Festooned with said beach towel and thick leather work gloves like some demented urban toreador, I approach my quarry. The cat immediately shoots full tilt from room to room with me never getting within five feet of a capture opportunity.

“Plan B”: Close off all the doors in the upper hallway. Chase the cat up the stairs and corner the cat at the dead-end linen closet door. Claudette will stand guard at the top of the stairs to prevent escape in case I miss.

Round and round downstairs we go until Rozzee bolts up the stairs according to plan. I cautiously approach. Coming in low while blocking off the only exit with the towel, I manage to get most of the cat wrapped in the towel. Unfortunately, “most” isn’t enough and I’m getting mauled by the toothy end and one exposed claw.

The cat manages to squirm loose and shoots down the hallway toward Claudette who’s supposed to be blocking the exit down the stairs. Claudette, no fool, immediately abandons her job as “blocker” by pressing flat against the hallway wall and shrieks as Rozzee zooms past. Nice blocking job there, partner!

We regroup and decide to have another pass at “Plan B”. The problem we have now is that the cat has figured out “Plan B” and won’t be tricked into going up the stairs.

So for the next twenty minutes, we go round and round from the living room, to kitchen, to family room, behind the piano, behind the entertainment center, under the couches until the cat and I are exhausted and sweating like hard run horses in the Kentucky Derby. I’m sure any neighbors looking in through our living room picture window that night would have found the spectacle better than any reality show on FOX that night.

The cat finally is exhausted and panting hard. She latches all four claws in the seat cushion of a dining room chair and howls as I cover her with the beach towel with one hand and hold her head with the other while Claudette applies the medication.

Job complete, I quickly step back releasing both ends of mad cat at the same time expecting her to bolt as far away from me as possible. Surprisingly, the cat remains clamped to the chair for the rest the evening probably resting up for next month when we get to do it all over again.

Maybe Kindergarten isn’t so bad after all.

Final Tally: 2004-2005

I didn’t sub at all the last week of school, so I guess I’m on summer vacation also.

Substitute teaching seems to be the only job where no training is given, feedback is rarely provided and the kids, themselves, are the wild card variable to whether or not they make a memorable blog entry.

I thought I should take this opportunity to summarize how this first year of subbing in the Kinder through 6th grades has been. I’ll answer some questions that some people have been curious about and list some likes and dislikes of the subbing experience.

Q&A

Q: Which grade levels did I like best?
A: Without any in depth analysis on my part, I think I first prefer 2^nd,3^rd,4^th grades, then 1^st and 5^th with Kinder and 6^th last. I’m sure some psychoanalyst could read something into that but I’m not gonna ask.

Q: Am I going to do it again next year?
A: Probably if I don’t find a better paying job before then.

Q: Do you think you’d like to become a full time teacher?
A: No, and I don’t have to think about that too much.

Q: from When Pigs Sing “What advice would you give to teachers to procure the good subs?”
A: I’m not sure I have enough experience (8 months total) to give any advice to teachers on how to keep “good subs” other than it would be useful to phone or email the “good subs” they’ve had and let them know that they ARE doing a good job for them.

No one’s contacted me, post-sub assignment, for any feedback at this point so I’m not sure how well I’m doing this job. Hmmm…Maybe teachers already DO contact the good subs and that means…..well….hummmm.

Anyway, I DID get a letter from all three districts I worked for this year that I do have a “reasonable assurance of returning to work” next year so I guess that’s something.

Q: from When Pigs Sing “What advice would you give to teachers do to make your job easier?”
A: The two best sub jobs I’ve had were for classes where a lot of the kids had some kind of classroom job.

The routine daily chores of taking attendance, homework check, library book check in/out, etc was treated, by the kids, as an honor. The classes where this was the normal setup tended to be better behaved and ran like clockwork.

Likes and Dislikes

Dislike: Waking up at oh-six-damn-its-early-oclock to get to the school on time.
Like: Getting off work at oh-three-isthatdaylight?-somethin-oclock every day.

Dislike: That queasy feeling right before the 1^st kid comes in the classroom door. (Does this ever go away?)
Like: That the feeling does go away just after that 1^st kid comes in the door (How does that work?)

Dislike: No lesson plan!
Like: Detailed, word processed lesson plans with all the material clearly available.

Dislike: The handful of the kids I encountered destined to a future state and/or federal residence facility.
Like: The other 99% basically normal, reasonable, pleasant, kid-people to be around.

Like: All of the teacher and administrators of the schools I encountered. They were ALL supportive, friendly and approachable.

What next?

That’s all I can think of right now. If any blog readers wish to submit questions in comment section, I will append and/or update it to this first year summary posting.

Just don’t ask me to sing. It ain’t goin ta happen…

No Calls …

No calls WED/THU/FRI. I guess the schools are winding down for the start of summer on June/10^th.

Maybe I should have worked Tuesday instead of going to the beach?

Nope….Life is too short and one day’s subbing pay isn’t enough to make much of a difference.

Let’s see what the last week of school brings.

Hooky …

The one and only benefit of this subbing job is the ability NOT to accept an assignment at will.

Since Claudette had today off, I took the day off also and we went to the beach just south of Santa Cruz, CA where I promptly sunburned my legs a bright red within an hour.

It seems that “overcast and cool” with no peek of sun doesn’t do as well as Coppertone sun block.

…Must be that Karma thing again.

(Claudette says: it isn’t “Karma”, it's just plain stupid!)

Bathroom Olympics …

I knew Karma was coming my way for how easy I had it with the last class. I just didn’t think it would find me so soon.

This was a 3^rd grade class, short ½ day assignment (Teacher Friday afternoon getaway before the three day weekend? Hmmmm….)

The kids arrived back from lunch recess smelling blood in the water. “Ohh Boy! A sub!”

The requests drinks of water and“I gotta GO! REAL BAD!" started almost immediately and kept coming.

They just came back from lunch recess so I turned all the requests down just to get something started, but the requests didn’t stop. One boy put on a pretty convincing show of an impending flood if I didn’t relent. I finally compromised with one proviso.

“You can go if you can get back in less than two minutes.”

I have a stopwatch feature on my watch and dramatically started it hoping that the threat of being timed would eliminate any dilly-dallying outside the classroom.

Imagine my surprise when the boy boomed back into the classroom out of breath asking for his time. Stopwatch indicated 01:52s.

I’m thinking, “Ok, I guess that worked!”

New hand rose. Same request, different boy, same convincing show. He’s back in just under 01:45s

Next up is a girl who’s out and back in under 01:30s

OMG! I’ve inadvertently created the “Bathroom Olympics”

I ended the competition after one kid claimed he did his business in under 0:45s

The end of class bell didn’t come soon enough for me. These kids were a handful. As the kids filed out to start their long weekend, they all “high-fived” me in a “good-bye” salute.

It was only after the “00:45s wonder kid” left that it dawned on me that I needed some serious hand sanitizer…RIGHT NOW!

…I’m pretty slow on the uptake, aren’t I?

If They Could All Be Like This One…

Today, I subbed for Ms. G’s 4^th/5^th combo class. The teacher’s lesson plan had notes to “be firm” next to a list of “helpful” and “handful” kids.

With this game plan in hand, I greeted the kids with an opening announcement.

“Today, we have a 500 word essay due”.

Surprised looks! Dropped jaws! Moans of incredulity!

I went silent for five beats before looking down at the lesson plan, pretending to turn it around, then announced with a grin.

“Oops, I had it upside down. No essay. Instead, we have kickball for P.E...”

Twenty eight simultaneous sighs of relief mixed with cheers started one of the best days I’ve ever had subbing.

These kids were helpful, responsive, respectful, bright, attentive, and easy to communicate with. Their teacher should be commended for molding such a great group of kids that actually want to be in the classroom.

The day went according to plan with no hitches or glitches. I left a glowing report for Ms. G. about her class.

If ALL classes were as good as this one, I’d have nothing interesting/funny to blog about.

…And I didn’t have to sing!

Doubled Subbed Kindergarten...

The Wednesday Kinder teacher I subbed for called me at home yesterday to ask if I would sub again for her today. I usually like a few down time days between Kinder assignments but she sounded so pitiful on the phone, how could I say no?

This school has only AM/PM kindergarten classes where two teachers switch off being the primary teacher while the other acts as an aide between the morning class and the afternoon class. Today there were subs for both the AM and PM regular teachers.

This is the rare opportunity where I can observe how “I do it” against someone else’s style.

This lady was good, REAL good. The AM kids were sitting politely, raising hands, and eagerly responding to lessons. She had those AM kids under control the whole morning!

Now it’s my turn in the barrel and I’m intimidated.

My Kinder class is a calliope of voices giving me unrelated facts related to class lessons about how many dogs they have, which tooth of the day is loose and a squirmy, wiggly, can’t sit still for more than a minute bunch of wild energy.

I experienced only half of the control the AM class had this morning.

The end of day arrives and that’s when I come to find out that the AM sub-lady was a veteran 1^st grade teacher at this school a few years ago and took time off to have a couple of kids. She just started back as a sub to earn a little income now that her kids are in school.

Ok I feel a little better now knowing that she is a pro.

She said I did great. She explained that, from the regular teachers’ reports, the AM class is usually better behaved than the PM class. She told me that I did much better than yesterdays sub with the same kids.

There is, evidentially, a teacher’s network at this school where they are plugged in to report back to each other on how the subs do in their classes. Freaky!

Since she’s an un-official part of that network and she had heard about my Wednesday session before I even got the school today.

So, I guess I’m doing “ok” or the sick froggy voiced Kinder teacher wouldn’t have called me at home yesterday.

Seven Monsters On The Bed…

It’s back to Kindergarten today.

I finally realized why I have a sore neck and headache after doing Kinders.

They are short! The Disney dwarf sized chairs and tables aren’t made for us 200LB’ers with bad backs.

Most of the day is spend looking down at the cute little kids! It’s really rough on the neck and shoulders.

So I make it to the end of the day with some 5-10 minutes left before dismissal and the plan calls for reading a book. Finally some quite time for the throbbing headache.

The first book I take out, the kids moan saying they already read it. It’s the same for the second and third book selection. Finally, they seemed to respond to a book titled “Seven Monsters On The Bed”.

I realized that they had snookered me when after the first page; they all began singing/shouting the story at the top of their little lungs.

This story is actually the modified version of the same story known as “Ten Little Monkeys Jumping on a Bed...”

I stopped after the first page but they continued with increased volume as each monster fell off to the beat of my pounding headache.

Next time they get “War and Peace”...Chapter One.

Post-it Note Lesson Plans…

I got this call for a ½ day 1st grade class the previous evening, so I was surprised when I got to the school that the teacher didn’t inform the class that morning that she wouldn’t be there for the afternoon.

Isn’t that strange? The kids were very concerned that something happened to her. I thought it was a little rude to the kids not to let them know in advance that nothing was wrong but someone else would be there in the afternoon.

It would seem a common courtesy so I wouldn’t have to explain, ten times, why she disappeared to which I had no answer.

Well, maybe she got to busy that morning generating that, hopefully, full detailed lesson plan for me.

Nope, the entire lesson plan was written one small 3”x3” post-it note.
1. Spelling test.
2. Peter Rabbit
3. Recess (1:10-1:30)
4. Finish Peter Rabbit
5. Science
6. Friday envelopes.

No details on WHAT I was supposed to do with “Peter Rabbit” or just what “Science” I was supposed to teach.

Found an additional post-it with not much more clarification:
1. Peter Rabbit: “Model for students on what to write”.
2. Science: “Stick pictures on grey board”. (She underlined “board” ??)

It sounds almost as if she did this at the last moment without checking to see it was clear to anyone except herself, doesn’t it?

I didn’t appreciate it. It made for a LONG 2.5 hours.

(She also forgot the mention that this was a 1st/2nd grade combo class, not that it made much difference)

Flat Rats and Other Stuff…

It’s been two weeks since I last subbed. That’s about enough time to get ready for today’s Kindergarten class. Real easy class and I even got an aide for half of it. Nuf’ said ‘bout that.

One of the few benefits of sub work is that you can choose NOT to work if other stuff is happening. I took these last two weeks off to host visiting friends/relatives from Long Island, attend an out of town wedding, and helping a friend clean out the flat rats in a house he finally sold.

I guess I should explain that last activity, but first some history.

My friend, Gary, inherited this house plus all the furnishings about 15-20 years ago from an elderly aunt. It’s hidden from the road by an overgrowth of trees, ivy and who knows what else. Not knowing what he wanted to do with the house and the stuff inside, he simply locked the doors and installed motion detectors and alarms to scare off any undesirables.

Because it’s about an hour drive from home, it has sometimes been months between visits to check the on the place.

One year became two, then five and the next thing you know it’s twenty years later. Earthquakes, mold, decay, termites, spiders, rats and human intruders finally took its toll on the place.

This house, at one time, had lots of furniture, glassware, at least two grand pianos, tools and a lifetime of books and letters.

I say at “one time” because over the last few years, thieves have been breaking into the house over an extended period of time and carried off most anything of value.

Why Gary didn’t sell off the furnishings long ago is another story, but the fascinating part of this story is the outright brass balls of these thieves.

They stole the mailbox …twice!

When we first discovered the break-ins to the house, we boarded up all the windows and re-secured the doors with new locks.

On a follow-up visit, we found that the thieves had sawed away the door frames around our locks and installed their own padlocks to the kitchen door for easy access!

They also installed a chain across the driveway with a “NO Trespassing” sign. I guess they were worried about competition.

They, evidentially, were having problems angling the furniture down the two flights of stairs because they sawed the stair railings away so they could drop the stuff straight down the stairwell.

Someone chipped away individual decorative tiles from the kitchen back splash.

We noticed evidence that someone had been sifting through the fireplace ash pit looking for who knows what.

The bathroom sink is missing.

Between what remaining furniture we moved to off site storage and what the thieves had already removed, the house was cleaned out of anything with remote value.

What WAS left was a mountain of trash.

Aunt Ellen was a saver. She saved everything. Evidentially she always “added” rather than “replaced” anything.

I know this because three of us spent a better part of last week filling two 20-yard dumpsters with trash that included:

• Forty year old news papers
• Piles of old musty/moldy clothes and bedding
• Bags and bags of letters and junk mail
• A mountain of broken glass.
• A collection of eighteen mattresses and box springs.
• Petrified birds and finally…yes
• At least two completely flat desiccated rats.

Gary owes me…….BIG TIME!

ADD/ADHD and NeuroFeedback ...

We had a good friend visit this afternoon and the topic of ADD/ADHD came up in reference to one of her kids.

She told us that a NeuroFeedback clinic in the state where she lives was able to clinically test her son and could measure her son’s brain development as related to his ADD diagnosis.

More importantly, she said her son after treatments is now testing almost to the normal levels using NeuroFeedback instead of medication. She said she has received comments from his teachers about the improvement in class and class work.

So maybe there is something here. Since I hadn’t heard of this form of treatment before and I now have a real first hand account of its effectiveness, I thought I’d pass it on for others (teachers and parents) to investigate.

Here are some online links to start with:

http://my.webmd.com/content/article/13/1668_50191.htm

http://add.about.com/library/blaskthecoach4.htm

http://www.biofeedback1.com/add1.html

Kindergarten Lesson Plans...

Lesson plans for Kindergarten are a kick unless you’re the one that is supposed to execute them. There are just SOME things I WON’T do!

I’m just fine with upper grade plans dealing with Math, Reading, English (except for maybe transitive/intransitive verbs), but Kindergarten AM class is a whole different animal. Especially for Mr. Perry the substitute!

Going over the morning lesson plan:

1. Put on the “Good Morning” song CD and take roll – check!
2. Have them do the calendar and days of the week – check!
3. Read the story from the book on my desk – check!
4. Recess – check
5. Have them do the “Earth Day” mobile craft- (…Uh well, maybe!)
6. Another recess – check
7. Clean up – check
8. Read another book – check
9. Sing a song – che….Uh, What THE ???
10. Dismiss –

Singing is not something I do well. In fact, it’s something I do really, really bad. I lip sync when required. Usually in church. William Hung of American Idle fame has a better chance, and the guts to do it in front of 19 five year olds than I do.

Fortunately, this school has AM and PM Kindergarten where both teachers overlap and act as aids for each other. At craft time, the PM Kinder teacher jumped in to rescue me from figuring out on the fly what I was suppose to do directing the kids with the mobile project. I’m hoping she’s around for lesson item #9 later in the afternoon.

She wasn’t.

The thing about kids this age is that they know the routine. They need the routine. They will protest LOUDLY if you deviate from the routine.

The routine for them, at the end of the day, was clean up, story, song and go home. They expected clean up, story, song and go home.

So when we completed the clean up followed by the lesson plan indicated story, I destroyed their perception of reality by announcing…

Instead of a song, we’re going to ……………………..READ ANOTHER STORY!

You should have seen the looks on their angelic little faces. Wonder! Amazement! Horror?

“You can’t do that, Mrs Perry!” one little guy blurted! “It’s supposed to be story, then the song and then go home!”

My response: “It’s MR. Perry little guy, and today we’re doing it a little different”.

With a few more protests, grumblings and a few resentful looks they did finally settle down for the story about a kid that made play dough cookies and tricked his parents into eating them.

I guarantee it was much better than any song sung by me…