No Touchin' Parts...

G6

Half of January has slipped by without any calls. So I took this morning’s 06:30am call for a 6^th grade assignment.

Wait, I have to take that back. I did get three calls from teachers last week but they were for classes in mid-February so I can’t count those for the January payday.

I’ve been at this school, maybe three times since I started subbing three years ago. It’s in a not so great area of town so I knew I might be in for a rough day.

There was a school “Expectations Assembly” listed for 08:45am and a two hour movie for the afternoon. There wasn’t much teachable instruction listed on the lesson plan so my job today is mainly crowd control.

08:45am: I had the troop of 30 kids walk over to the cafeteria only to be told that the upper grade assembly was at 09:15am, so back to class.

09:15am: We’re back at the cafeteria and I can see the lower grade assembly is still in progress. I’m then instructed to return to the classroom and come back at 09:30am. I also notice that we’re the only upper grade class to show up at 09:15am so I’m looking a little incompetent not knowing when and where I’m supposed to be today.

09:30am: I’m tempted to wait in the classroom until someone calls but, instead, I dutifully march them over the third time today and walk into a totally empty cafeteria.

The boys immediately start baseball sliding across the floors while I’m trying to decide if I should take them back to class, for the third time today or wait a few to see if the other classes start to show.

Fortunately, another class showed up a few minutes later followed by the rest of the 4^th, 5^th and 6^th graders.

The principal’s “Expectations Assembly” is basically all the rules listed in the student handbook they all get at the beginning of the year.

It’s the same “Expectations Assembly” the principal does twice each year, every year.

Some of the highlights:

1) How to use the bathroom:

• Pee and crap in the toilet, not on the seat or floor.
• Flush.
• Wash your hands.

2) Attendance

• Show up every day
• Show up on time.
• Make sure your parents pick you up on time.
• No cuttin’ school.

3) Behavior

• No touchin’ each other's private parts.
• No teachers touchin’ your private parts (report immediately)
  
• No fightin’
• No promotin’ fightin’
• No sex, gay or swearin’talk.
• No guns, knives or weapons (simulated or real)
• No taggin’ (graffiti)
• No running, no tag or chase games
• No sharing food.

3) Dress Code

• No hoodies (both - hats)
• No saggin’ (boys - pants)
• No wheelies (both – shoes w/wheels)
• No hooker wear (girls – clothing tops, bottoms or high heels)

Then in a bizarre switch of topics to end the assembly, the principal has volunteers from each of the classes come up and tell the group which college they will be attending once they graduate H.S.

I heard Stanford, Santa Clara University, San Diego, San Jose State, Harvard and Yale (or maybe it was "jail") all mentioned.

Hopeful Alzheimer’s Treatment...

This comes several years too late for my Mom but if it's legit, this is BIG news...

Reversal Of Alzheimer's Symptoms Within Minutes In Human Study

“It is unprecedented that we can see cognitive and behavioral improvement in a patient with established dementia within minutes of therapeutic intervention,” said Griffin.

“It is imperative that the medical and scientific communities immediately undertake to further investigate and characterize the physiologic mechanisms involved. This gives all of us in Alzheimer’s research a tremendous new clue about new avenues of research, which is so exciting and so needed in the field of Alzheimer’s. Even though this report predominantly discusses a single patient, it is of significant scientific interest because of the potential insight it may give into the processes involved in the brain dysfunction of Alzheimer’s.”

While the article discusses one patient, many other patients with mild to severe Alzheimer’s received the treatment and all have shown sustained and marked improvement.

From: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...0109091102.htm

Understanding Math Is More Important Than the Correct Answer...

Thomas Andrew (Tom) Lehrer (born April 9, 1928) is an American singer-songwriter, satirist, pianist, and mathematician. The guy lip syncing this bit isn't but adds visual comedic value.

FYI: Math base "8" was (is?) used in computer programming in the old days (1980's) when computers were programmed in binary, octal and hexadecimal assembly language.

If you get the following joke, then you know what I'm talking about:

"There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't..."

John Paul For President?

I'm so confused. The choices don't seem clear. Are they sincere or just the mud slinging pond scum they appear to be? Does my vote even count since I don't live in Iowa, Wyoming or New Hampshire? (I live in California...)

So, like all lackadaisical, lazy members of the Great Online Society, I turned to the WorldWideWackyNet to tell me who I should vote for in the next election.

Surprise! It's a tie between John McCain and Ron Paul?
I guess I'll just split the difference do a write in vote for Mr. John Paul for President...

Go ahead. Give it a go and try it out here -> Select a Candidate: President

If you care to share, use the comment section post your "choice" and your state/country of residence.

Highlite of the CES-2008 Show...

As as you might have noticed, I haven't been too active with the blogging lately.

Even though Christmas break has ended, the calls haven't started yet. So, I'm at home enjoying time with the granddaughter (2 1/2) while my son and DIL are off to Las Vegas to attend the CES-2008 show.

I'm not sure they got to attend the Bill Gates final keynote address, but in case they missed it, here is a Bill Gates tribute video!

Almost as funny as some of those PC/Apple commercials...


Video: Bill Gates Last Day CES Clip

The Mathemagician...

I know you're still on vacation from school, but let's review shall we?

This guy is amazing...
(Thanks to Darren for the find...)

A H.S. Diploma Isn't Good Enough...

I don't think kids, in general, are any less intelligent than those 40yrs ago. I don't think teachers are any less qualified than any in the past. I DO believe that the intrusion of politics, politicians and government mandates interfere with the "old school" goals of teaching basic foundation information and problem solving skills.

While the idea of programs like NCLB and CASHEE are noble in concept, the implementation has had the unintended consequence of forcing teachers accept school administrator overrides to a "retention" recommendation, to what amounts to student "social promotion" through the school system.

It's the kind of direct observation about the current state of education or should I say "the politics of education" that seems to be driving more and more parents to seek out private schools or choosing home schooling options for their kids.

Now there may be some data to back it up.
From: Carpe Diem
"...Degrees and diplomas may not translate to on-the-job success"

From the study: More Grads, But Cognitive Ability Declines
The study suggests that because the ability level of the average high school graduate has changed over time, finding job candidates with the same level of ability as 1970 high school graduates requires employers seek out applicants with two or more years of college training.

MP: Hey, but aren't grades (and self-esteem) at an all-time high in both high school and college?

It’s the Last DAY…

G2

It’s the last day before Christmas break.

I picked up a 2^nd grade class assignment for today. The only assignment this week. The last assignment for 2007. Minimum work on a minimum, 4 ½ hr day.

A piece of cake.
…or so I thought.

Lesson Plan:

1. Take roll
2. Busy work
3. Recess
4. Busy work
5. Lunch
6. Play the video: The Muppet Movie
7. Dismiss

Everything was proceeding along as “planned” until they came back from lunch. All I had left to do was play the movie and then send them on their way home.

Well is seems that this one girl had already seen The Muppet Movie and has declared it boring.

But because SHE’S bored she assumes that everyone should also be bored. She starts acting up by pushing her chair around the room until she can start loud conversations to the distraction of the other kids trying to follow the story line.

I’m not gonna force any kid to watch a Disney movie in class. It’s the last day!

My efforts to limit her mobility by having her sit next to me in the back of the room only last for a few minutes until she starts scooting away from me an inch or two at a time. I notice but I let it slide. It’s the last day!!

As long as she isn’t too disruptive and to the other kids aren’t complaining, I’ll let it go just for today because it’s the last day!!!

Big mistake. This movie lasts an hour and twenty minutes. That’s too much time to tempt little Miss Bored to act “civil”. Four return trips to the back of the room next to me is my limit.

The ultimate 2^nd grader punishment of “turning her card to yellow”, writing her name on my report for her teacher or asking “What would Santa think?” had negligible effect. By negligible, I mean absolutely none.

Finally it’s time to go home. I’m sooo glad that it’s the last day!!!!

Off topic note. Today’s odd kid name for today: Malaysia (girl)

Carnival of Education Issue 150

Since I haven't had any subbing calls this week, check out this week's carnival of education #150.

Christmas Lights Selection...

The original that started it a couple years ago:






Even an airliner inadvertently adds to this show:



The display is silent to neighbors. The music is broadcast over a low power FM signal and a sign is placed in the yard to tell you what station to tune in to to hear the music:





Vote for your favorite in a comment!

Merry Christmas Remix...

Second Favorite…

This must be Bizzaro week.

While the anticipated disaster with yesterdays 6^th graders turned out pretty good, today’s 4^th grade class, from which I expected good behavior, got just the opposite.

I intercepted one note passed from a girl to the guy sitting in front of her asking the question/statement: "Do you now you is sexy?"

I looked at my little 4^th grade “Lolita” wannabe and with a straight face said: “You spelled ‘know’ wrong” and watched her turn a couple different shades of red as I stapled the note to my daily report.

No more notes were passed today.

All they accomplished today was one practice spelling test, a lot of goofing off and getting the floor clean before I let them out the door to go home.

On the way out, one kid blurted:
“You’re our 2^nd most favorite sub!”

Me: “Oh? Who’s #1?”
Kid: “Mr. A-------! He sings songs and let’s us play games!”

No additional comment needed.

Beatles 2nd Tour…

G6

I’m back in the 6^th grade “Beatles” class today.

The call came late Sunday night. I DIDN’T really want to take this class.

After checking for an alternate assignment (…there was none), I accepted the assignment. With this being a short month before the schools close for the holidays, I figured maybe I could survive at least one more day of abuse.

I was silently hoping that this class might have improved since my last visit but the first comments at the top of the lesson plan didn’t bode well.

“…This class is difficult…“All the boys except for the following four are benched for behavior last week…”

At roll call, I noted that the worst of the Beatles was absent. He’s the one who wrote and begged his teacher to:

“Please, please, please, never, never, never, never, (repeat another 10-15 nevers) have Mr. Homework subseetoot for us agan!”

Since the automated substitute line stated “You have been requested for this assignment”, I see he didn’t get his wish.

What transpired, instead, was a pleasant surprise. THEY WERE PRETTY GOOD!!

Even “sassy girl” didn’t give me too much attitude today. And only half the boys ditched recess bench duty figuring that I wouldn’t notice.

“Ditching bench duty” duly noted in my substitute report for their teacher to deal with…tomorrow.

Surprising Talent…

I’ve had only three assignments these last two weeks in grades 3, 4 and 5. All at the same school.

The following note (front & back) was done on a folded index card with fine line pens and a lot of talent. Even with the spelling goof, I think it is better than excellent work…for a 5^th grader.

Whattya think?

(Click on the image for larger view)

No Experience Necessary…

How many employment opportunities require minimal or absolutely no experience required? I certainly didn’t expect that teaching would be one of them when I first looked into substitute teaching.

There are some areas in the U.S. where substitute teaching requires an actual teaching degree. These jobs are filled by newly graduated or retired teachers. There are other areas in this country where “some” college or simply a H.S. diploma is the requirement.

In California, the minimal requirement is a four year college degree and passing California Basic Educational Skills Test (CBEST) on the three R’s at a 10^th grade level.

The difference comes down to supply and demand economics. If you have an excess of talent in a small market, you will almost certainly need a master’s degree to step into a teacher’s role for the day.

I just finished reading “The Emergency Teacher” that relates the first hand account of Christina Asquith’s first year as a full time teacher at one of the worst schools in Philadelphia, despite being untrained and uncertified.

Synopsis:

“School District of Philadelphia, in desperate need of 1,500 new teachers, instituted a policy of hiring “emergency certified” instructors. Asquith, then a 25-year-old reporter for the Philadelphia Inquirer, joined their untrained ranks. More challenging than her classroom in the crime-infested neighborhood known as “the Badlands” are the trials she faced outside, including a corrupt principal, the politics that prevented a million-dollar grant from reaching her students, and the administration’s shocking insistence that teachers maintain the appearance of success in the face of utter defeat…”

She lasted a full 180 day school year and didn’t result in the typical Hollywood ending.

That’s 179 more days than I would have attempted had I been crazy enough to try. I guess that’s the difference between being young, idealistic and full of energy .vs. mature (re: much older), realistic and pooped. I think I'll stick to my part time substitute teaching gig.

It's an eye opening story and a fast read. See the "Substitutes Book List" at left for more info...

Update 12/4/2007:

For anyone curious about the content of the CBEST , check the comments section on this post for a message from "Learning Tree" about their CBEST Study Guide and Practice Tests.

I'm not sure if the the codes to try it out is only one time deal or not, so I'll leave it unused for anyone on a "first come, first served" status. If you use it, please post a comment here and let me know what you think of the program.

(I got my CBEST card in 1994 but didn't use it until I started subbing in 2003)

The Inmates In Charge?

I stumbled across this educators method of handling substitute teacher days :

".....I chose the students-as-teachers several days before my absence. The students and I discussed the lesson plans and their understanding of the material to be covered. When my day off arrived, the substitute found complete lesson plans on my desk. The plans explained the agenda for the day and informed the substitute which student would be in charge of each class. The plans asked the substitute to allow the students to take charge of the class; they asked the substitute to take care of any discipline problems that might arise.

I have had several reactions to this approach from the substitute teachers. Most were not prepared for it. Some thought the lesson plan directions were a prank being played on them. But once the students started class, most substitutes responded with awe at the positive behavior and hard work of the students.

A couple of substitutes have refused to allow the students to take charge of the class. To prepare for that event, the students were told, in advance, to comply with the substitute's wishes.

.....

I wonder if this would work with Kindergarten?

Just kidding! I've actually experienced something close to this method before and I really enjoyed the experience.

Do a Little Dance…

G5

I repeat the same phrase every day I’m subbing.

Right before recess AND lunch, I tell them that if they need to go to the bathroom, now is the time.

What I said: “DO NOT return to class after lunch or recess and immediately ask to go to the bathroom!!”

What they heard: “Blah, blah, blabitty, blah, LUNCH blah RECESS blah, blah, blah…!!”

So of course, the first thing after the door closes after recess I have this kid claiming he “forgot to go” at recess. I remind him of the last thing I told everyone before going out the door and that we can’t delay the spelling test just for him. He’ll have to wait.

He’s dancing from foot to foot with both hands holding his crotch pleading: “I GOTTA GO! Please!”

I’ve seen this act before and I know if I deny the request, a follow up request is usually a drink of water. The sure sign of the faker. His act, as usual, is WAY too much over the top to be believable and I’m about send him back to his seat when an amazing thing happened.

A single bead of sweat appeared between his eyes and rolled down off the tip of his nose.

He might have been hot from running around at recess but producing the “sweat drop” while dancing was a new twist.

I let him go…

Speed Subbing…

Today set a personal record for me. I subbed for eighteen (18) teachers in four (4) hours.

I was called into be a “roving sub” for the day. The teachers had some kind of personal information audit they were required to do so my job, today, was to work 30 minutes for each teacher while they were being “audited”

As it turned out, an actual “audit” ran anywhere from 3 to 15 minutes each so I was finished by 11:00am after the initially scheduled 14 teachers were done. It was something like speed dating, as I was traversing the campus to the next classroom every few minutes of the day.

Since this was supposed to be done over a 2-3 day period to catch all school employees, the school rounded up an additional four teachers and pushed them through the audit process before I left for the day at noon.

Since I was only in each class for a few minutes, the kids didn’t really have time to goof off or act up knowing the teacher would be back, literally, any minute!

Easiest day subbing…EVER!

Predictions Come True...sorta

Back in March last year I predicted an outcome to banning vending machines on campus.

Joanne Jacobs reports on the predictable when kids see an opportunity in free enterprise on campus.

"...His parents thought he was selling drugs. He took them out to dinner to explain: He was a candy pusher using his Costco connection to buy low and sell high. Another Boulder boy got his parents to finance his candy purchases but complained when lower-priced competition cut into his profit margin."

Hot, Now Cold …

The subbing business seems to be running hot and cold.

The first three months of this school year, it was HOT. It seemed that I was getting 5-6 requests for the 3-4 assignments a week I was able to take. I had to turn down a few advance requests two weeks in advance because of prearranged assignments.

Now with the onset of winter the subbing assignments, like the weather, have turned COLD. Just one assignment per week for the first half of November and one assignment per week scheduled for the rest of the month.

If the week long school vacation in November is the cause then the months of December through the end of March aren’t looking much better. There is a scheduled week off during each of those months also.

Teachers are discouraged from extending vacations by calling in sick, so the substitute caller line tends to be quieter the days immediately before and after school vacations. Things should pick up again in non-holiday months of April and May.

I have a disappointment in store for teachers desperate to burn off those remaining union contracted sub days before the summer vacation in June.

I’m taking MY two week vacation to Hawaii mid-May because…I can!