California Missions Project…

The history of the “California Missions” is taught in every 4th grade elementary class in the district I work. It might even be a requirement in all elementary schools in California.

The teacher left a three page history of the California missions to read. While they read the selections aloud in class, I explained some of the unfamiliar terminology like “adobe” and “blacksmithing”. They were then supposed to complete a six question worksheet for review.

If the 4th graders I had on Friday are any indication, I think it’s a wasted exercise because the comprehension skills of some 4th graders (I mean those in this particular class) seem to be lacking.

While a few seemed to be independently working to complete the worksheet there was a chorus of the rest who didn’t seem to have a clue.

Chorus: What are we supposed to do?
Reply: Read each question and find the answers to each question in the three pages we just read. (I thought it was obvious but you never know…)

Chorus: We don’t get it!
Reply: (exasperated…) “Ok. Let’s all do question #1 together”. I also have to coach them through numbers #2 through #4 but I stop helping on #5. There is NO reason they can’t find #5 on their own.

(click on images if you're blind as a bat like me...)



Chorus: “We can’t find the five things”
Reply: (again, exasperated…) Look on page 42, third paragraph.



Chorus: We can’t find the five things!
Reply: Ok, Let’s ALL re-read the last sentence, out loud, the third paragraph on page 42

As they got to the word blacksmithing, I held up my hand and started counting with fingers as they read each “skill” mentioned.

Chorus: So what are the five things?
Reply: (…standing there with my hand up, open palm out, five fingers spread).

Chorus: Can we color the pictures?
Reply: Sure, why not….

Substitute Teacher Performance Review…

Unlike most other professions, substitute teachers don’t seem to get any kind of yearly performance review or even any feedback to see now well they’re doing or not doing on the job.

It can make you a bit paranoid if the phone doesn’t ring for a week or more. The frequency of calls is pretty much the only feedback you have to gauge how well you are or are not doing.

If they keep calling, I guess you must be doing an “OK” job. If you screw up badly enough, I guess they’ll just stop calling.

Unless…

I found this note on the lesson plan for a fourth grade class last week:

…“My kids talk about you at home (uh, oh!). A mother told me her son was super happy about you coming this week!”

If that’s all I get, I’ll take it!

President Joe Biden?

Trick or Treat Halloween question of the day:

If Barack Obama does come out of the election as "president elect" and Philip Berg's lawsuit is successful in challenging Barack's natural-born citizenship status, does that mean Sen. Joe Biden takes over as President in 2009?

Eeekkkk! Eeekkkk! Eeekkkk!

Come in Early?

What do you say to a teacher who asks you to come in and sub a "half day" (ie: half pay) for her class but wants you to come in earlier than the half day assignment time because she's afraid she'll miss her vacation flight out?

"After all it's only an extra 15 mins..."

I'm thinking, What balls! At the pay rate subs get, you expect me to take a 50% cut in pay for the day AND work illegally without being paid because "after all it's only an extra 15mins".

But rather than suggest something rude, I told her that the district dictates the times and pay rate rules. I, instead, suggested that she might want to take the whole day off so she wouldn't have to worry about her flight.

She has decided to get one of her cohorts at the school cover her class for 15-20 minutes before I get there.

While I DO sometimes arrive at school 10-20 minutes early, I'll will be there exactly on time for this one.

Nov, 6 Update:

She called back and decided to take the whole day off after all.
That's more like it...

UNiversal Health Care - Aussi Style

Since we have a little election coming up where universal health is an issue and a campaign promise, I found this story interesting from the who decides what "universal" means category...

Excerpts From:
Australia: No residency for boy with Down syndrome
From TANALEE SMITH, Associated Press Writer

SYDNEY, Australia – A German doctor hoping to gain permanent residency in Australia said Friday he will fight an immigration department decision denying his application because his son has Down syndrome.

Bernhard Moeller came to Australia with his family two years ago to help fill a doctor shortage in a rural area of Victoria state.

...His temporary work visa is valid until 2010, but his application for permanent residency was rejected this week.

...A medical officer of the Commonwealth assessed that his son's existing medical condition was likely to result in a significant and ongoing cost to the Australian community.

..."This is not discrimination. A disability in itself is not grounds for failing the health requirement — it is a question of the cost implications to the community," the statement said.

...The immigration department said it appreciates Moeller's contribution to the community but said it must follow the relevant laws in considering residency applications.

..."If we did not have a health requirement, the costs to the community and health system would not be sustainable," the statement said.

...David Tolleson, executive director of the Atlanta-based National Down Syndrome Congress, said he was disappointed by the decision.

"What is the cost implication to the community of a doctor shortage?" Tolleson asked. "I assume the son had the same costs for the last two years and they were happy to have the family and use the dad as a doctor."

(bolding mine)

So here we have another real world example of government run UN-iversal health care:
Health care must be prioritized, rationed or denied according to the cost/benefit goals of a central government.

7th Grade Debate Rap...

When Will it End?

I posted this before, but figured it's even more apropos during this election with all the negative campaign ads.

Now I hear that candidate "O" has bought 30mins of advertisement time on ALL the major networks. He even got the start time of World Series game #6 pushed back to convince us how bad the other guy is.

"...Fox, interested in airing a half-hour commercial from Obama from 8 to 8:30 on Oct. 29, asked Major League Baseball to push back the first pitch from about 8:20 to 8:35 p.m.

Baseball agreed to the change. The Hollywood Reporter reported that Fox would receive about $1 million for Obama's "buy"; the Democratic candidate for president will air his ad on CBS and NBC at the same time.
..."

I'm just glad we have TIVO for this election. We're still catching up with the missed episodes of "Mad Men" while we were on vacation earlier this month.

Classroom Money...

A majority of the classrooms I substitute use some form of "classroom bucks" or "tickets" as rewards to participate, behave, do work or punishments for missing assignments, disruptions, etc.

Originally implemented in the lower grades as a lesson for adding and subtracting, the novelty and effectiveness starts wearing thin approaching 5th and 6th grades.

Of course it's all over if you get a "Stanely" in class.

(...I sometimes use "worthless coins" for exceptional performance or insightful comments but I emphasize the word "worthless" while handing them out.)

Proposition 8

California's Proposition 8 is causing all sorts of controversy here in California.



...BUT, surprisingly, both national candidates agree on this one

Why aren't we hearing this in the media?

...because there is no such thing as "unbiased" media anymore.

--------------------
By Orson Scott Card a Democrat and a newspaper columnist

Found in the World Tribune via The Rhinoceros Times of Greensboro North Carolina
link-> http://www.worldtribune.com/worldtribune/.../2008/....asp

An open letter to the local daily paper — almost every local daily paper in America:

...I remember reading All the President's Men and thinking: That's journalism. You do what it takes to get the truth and you lay it before the public, because the public has a right to know.

...This housing crisis didn't come out of nowhere. It was not a vague emanation of the evil Bush administration.

...It was a direct result of the political decision, back in the late 1990s, to loosen the rules of lending so that home loans would be more accessible to poor people.

...The goal of this rule change was to help the poor — which especially would help members of minority groups.

...But how does it help these people to give them a loan that they can't repay? They get into a house, yes, but when they can't make the payments, they lose the house — along with their credit rating.

...They end up worse off than before.

...This was completely foreseeable and in fact many people did foresee it. One political party, in Congress and in the executive branch, tried repeatedly to tighten up the rules. The other party blocked every such attempt and tried to loosen them.

...I have no doubt that if these facts had pointed to the Republican Party or to John McCain as the guilty parties, you would be treating it as a vast scandal. "Housing-gate," no doubt. Or "Fannie-gate."

...Instead, it was Senator Christopher Dodd and Congressman Barney Frank, both Democrats, who denied that there were any problems, who refused Bush administration requests to set up a regulatory agency to watch over Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, and who were still pushing for these agencies to go even further in promoting sub-prime mortgage loans almost up to the minute they failed.

...These are facts. This financial crisis was completely preventable. The party that blocked any attempt to prevent it was ... the Democratic Party. The party that tried to prevent it was ... the Republican Party.

...Yet when Nancy Pelosi accused the Bush administration and Republican deregulation of causing the crisis, you in the press did not hold her to account for her lie. Instead, you criticized Republicans who took offense at this lie and refused to vote for the bailout!

--------------------

When it comes to reliable sources, let's ask for facts and form opinions with B.S. detectors set on maximum stun.

Signs…

I seem to be stuck at the same school this year. Yesterday was no exception.

I know it’s a much more interesting to read about the trials, tribulations, ordeals and hardships of substitute teaching but to be fair and balanced, I want to say that it isn’t always a disaster.

The teacher is new to the school this year and this was my first assignment for her. The room I walked into was probably the tidiest room I’ve seen in quite a while.

The teacher’s desk had the books stacked and pages marked for what I’d need. The two page lesson plan was neatly word processed without any ambiguity as to what she wanted.

Student desks had no residual leftover mess from the day before and books stacked neatly in every desk

All the signs all pointed to a “good class”.

Despite the fact that there were a few jugheads I recognized from the previous year that would never be candidates for student of the month club, the day went well. The classroom was organized on a corporate structure with jobs assigned for everyone. Everyone actually DID know what to do…and did it!

No complaints here!

Jugheads…

Yesterday’s 4th grade class was a great group of kids. For their earned free time, they played games like chess and checkers while others played the piano.

What a difference a school year makes. All three 4th grade classes last year were a pain in the ass. I know, because I subbed all of them at least once. This year the same kids, at the 5th grade level, are driving the teachers batty. Needless to say, I try to avoid 5th grade assignments at this particular school.

Every teacher (and substitute teacher) has had or will have a “bad” class if you stick with it long enough. But what about an entire grade level?

I haven’t been subbing long (this is my 5th year), yet this is the second school (different districts) where I’ve experienced the entire “difficult grade level” experience.

Interestingly enough they were 4th graders both times I experienced it but the principal at the previous school said it was that way since her particular group of kids entered Kindergarten. Attempts at breaking up the “core troublemakers” had largely failed. There were just too many of them.

Now I know that not EVERY kid in a “bad” class is a jughead, but I wonder just what the critical ratio of jugheads to “good kids” determines the overall “character” of a class?

Runaway...

Checking in at the school this morning, I was met at the door by the school principal.

Prince: You’re subbing for Ms 6th-grade Teacher this week right?
Me: Uh, yep.

Prince: Did anything unusual happen yesterday in class with “Tony?” (…not his real name)
Me: Not that I can recall. He’s been one of the better behaved kids in class.

Prince: Well, he never made it home last night. His grandma called the police and they are here on the off chance that he’ll show up at school this morning.

Me: The last time I saw him was out the door at dismissal time yesterday.
Prince: Ok, thanks.

Well, it turns out that Tony did arrive at school today to find the principal, two police detectives and his grandma waiting for him. I heard bits and pieces of the story throughout the day, from Tony, kids and other teachers who were questioned by the police and school officials.

He didn’t join the class until just before lunch and then only for about an hour before being called back to the school office for the rest of the day.

It seems that Tony, for some undisclosed reason, didn’t want to go home yesterday and instead went to several different friends’ houses before spending the night at the local park in a culvert drain…according to Tony.

His clothes looked too clean to have been sleeping on the ground all night. I suspect that he spent the night at a friends’ house and didn’t want to “narc” out his buddy. As to why he didn’t want to go home, this kid isn’t talking.

I just hope I don’t see this kid featured on some late night news show some day.

Science Camp…

It’s that time of year again when all the 5th graders at this school are set to go off to Science Camp next week. Ten kids to a cabin for a whole week of fun and hopefully some learning about the environmental science of nature.

The writing assignment for today’s class of 6th graders was to: “Write a letter to a 5th grader about your Science Camp Experience”

Seemed like a pretty straight forward assignment. No additional explanation needed right? Not so with these less than motivated 6th graders. This is the laziest bunch of kids I’ve run into in quite a while and I’ve still got two more days with this bunch.

Whine: “I don’t know any 5th graders!”
Reply: Then address it to: “Dear 5th Grader going to camp”

Whine: “I don’t remember anything about science camp!
Reply: Try and remember or ask your friends what they remember.

Whine: “I don’t get it!”
Reply: (…eye rolling look)

Whine: “Do we hafta?” and “Why do WE hafta do it?”
Reply: Yes and because your teacher said so!

Whine: “How many sentences does it have to be?”
Reply: If you want me to set a minimum limit then I’m going to say fifty! Do you WANT me to set a minimum limit? Na, I didn’t think so.

Whine: “How many paragraphs do we gotta do?”
(See previous reply)

Whine: “What do we write about?”
Reply: Write about what you did, what you liked, what you didn’t like, did anything unusual happen, did you go hiking, swimming, sing songs around a camp fire. Stuff like that!

Whine: “I didn’t go to camp last year. Do I still hafta write a letter?”
Reply: Yes! Either ask someone else what they remember or write about how it was to miss going to camp.

Now that I had pretty much covered all “How little can we get away with” questions, most were grudgingly complying with the exception of one wise ass boy.

WA-boy: “You said we could write about anything that happened at camp?”
Reply: Yep…

WA-boy: Well one kid in our cabin was sitting on his bed and playing with himself…
Reply: STOP!

(Everyone stopped)

WA-boy: But it’s TRUE. Just ask…
Reply: Nope, I don’t need to ask! Let’s just keep it to “camp” activities, ok?

Out Sick?

Not really. I'm playing hooky. Well, not exactly hooky.

We're currently in Long Island after a week in Boston. Fantastic trip visiting friends and relatives. It really was a hard choice. Teaching sixth grade history or experiencing history by touring Paul Revere's house, Old State House, Bunker Hill, walking the freedom trail (in two parts as we couldn't do it in one day) and sampling the "real" Boston Cream Pies.

We arrived by train in NY yesterday. We walked half of central park and Times Square before the legs gave out.

Now it's time to explore the "long island" the rest of this week and then...

...back to 6th grade Monday morning

My Dad Wants To Talk To You…

The assignment was a 5th grade class at the same “Not Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood” elementary school. I was cautioned by their teacher that her kids are really “sweet” but can be difficult in a lack of attention and laziness kind of way.

In reality, they were easy to get along with and responded when I wanted the noise levels to be toned down a bit. This was a much better experience than the 2nd graders earlier in the week. The only howls of protest came at the end of the day when I listed the homework on the whiteboard before dismissal.

-- Reading: 20 minutes

-- Math: one page with maybe 10-15 problems left (we did the first 5 in class) dealing with improper fractions.

-- Any unfinished class work.

Kids: “…But, but, but…teacher promised that we’d NEVER have more than six math problems for homework!…EVER!!”

After checking the lesson plan to make sure I hadn’t misread the homework section for math, I informed them that I had my orders. It didn’t include any restrictions or references to any promises of homework limitations.

After locking up, returning the key to the office and on my way out to the teachers lounge for one last “restroom break”, a voice called “MR. HOMEWORK!” from one huge SUV in the parking lot.

I gave the usual customary wave and smile as I continued to my urgent appointment in the men’s room.

“MR. HOMEWORK! MY DAD WANTS TO TALK TO YOU!”

My urgent restroom break just became more urgent.

Because of the nomadic nature of a substitute teacher, I rarely have any encounters with parents of the kids I see during the day. Even then, it’s mostly dealing with delivery of birthday cup cakes, “Hi, How are ya!” introductions before school or notes to be delivered to the regular teacher tomorrow. Never a “My dad wants to talk to YOU!” encounter.

The guy behind the wheel is HUGE! Sleeveless shirt, tattooed from the shoulder to the wrist on both arms, shaved bald and Fu-Manchu mustache. He didn’t look like a guy I wanted teed off at me, so I resisted the urge to run. Instead I approached the passenger side door and informed “Killer” that I wasn’t Junior’s teacher and that she’d be back tomorrow if he needed to talk to her.

Killer politely said that he, indeed, wanted to talk to me if I had 10 to 15 minutes to spare. He suggested that we could go to the classroom and have a chat if I didn’t need to leave right away.

I bought some time by agreeing to meet with him and his kid in the cafeteria after I finished some business in the teachers lounge. I didn’t elaborate about what kind of “business” that had suddenly become extremely urgent.

I spent the next several minutes trying, among other things, to figure just what Junior told his dad that would warrant the pulverizing of an underpaid substitute teacher. I came up empty so I exited the teacher’s lounge to find the duo resting in the shade of a campus tree.

Instead of the closed classroom (with potential lack of witnesses), I suggested the cafeteria where after school homework session was in full swing.

At a table near the back and away from most of the noise, I re-introduced myself to Killer with my real name instead of “Mr. Homework” and asked what the problem was.

Killer told me his son didn’t understand about some of the homework and he (Junior) wanted some clarification.

“Go ahead, Junior. Ask the man!”

Junior: Ms. Teacher PROMISED that we wouldn’t have any more than six math problems for homework.

Me: So, you’re questioning the “amount” of math homework and not how to do it? Your teacher is the one that listed on the lesson plan what the homework was. If you have a problem with the amount you need to talk with your teacher tomorrow.

KILLER: (to Junior) What? I don’t care about the amount. You told me you didn’t understand!

Junior: Well, I don’t understand it either.
Me: Ok, show me the math page.

He removes from the backpack the math page worksheet on improper fractions. The first five problems we did in class are still blank on his.

Me: Well, do you remember that we did these first five in class? I don’t see anything done here.
Junior: I don’t understand it.

Killer asks me if I could go over a couple of the ones we did in class again with Junior.

After being tagged teamed between me and his dad, Junior works his way through the first three. Killer is satisfied that he can do the rest at home.

Me: Ok, is that all?
Junior: I didn’t understand the grammar (identifying declarative .vs. imperative sentences) worksheet either.
Me: Show me!

Again, Junior removes from the backpack the grammar worksheet and again it’s completely blank.

Me: We went over this in class. We even did the first five as examples. All you had to do was write a “D” next to the “declarative” sentences, an “I” next to the “imperative” sentences and identify the subject of the sentences. Remember?

Junior: (no response).
Me: Let’s go over the first few again.

After the first three examples, Junior concedes that he can finish the rest of the worksheet. Killer, looking on, agrees. Killer thanks me for my time with his kid and had Junior shake my hand as I head to my car alive and un-bruised.

I’m not sure if I violated some school district rule about outside contact with parents and students but I did let the teacher know that it did happen just to cover the bases.

Not Mister Rogers' Neighborhood…

In four years of subbing, I’ve subbed at this school on only three previous occasions. It’s one of the farthest schools in the district from my house. It’s considered one of the more, let’s just say, “troubled” areas of town.

Mister Rogers' neighborhood it’s not. This impression was reinforced in yesterday’s 2nd grade class. The assignment was a Social Studies lesson on the differences between a neighborhood, community and a town.

Suggestion Example: A “neighborhood” is made of families who live next door (neighbors), in the same apartment building, on the same street, or send their kids to the same school. People in the “neighborhood” might get to know each other by having 4th of July BBQ’s, neighborhood cleanup days, football parties or back to school night at the local school.

Prompt: “Ask the kids about activities that happen in their neighborhood”

Here’s the short list, before I cut them off, of some neighborhood “activities” that they experience in their neighborhood: car accidents, robbery, fire in the back yard (arson), stolen car (multiple), car break-ins, car vandalism, car fire (intentional) and two murders.

I tried to steer them back to examples of “positive” activities, but no one came up with anything other than one birthday party “bounce house” that some uninvited neighborhood kids asked to play in.

(This was also one of the toughest assignments, behavior wise, I’ve had in a long time.)

Drought Then Flood...

My 5th season substitute teaching started mid-August. My average subbing assignment schedule usually runs two or three days a week during the school year. I’m happy with that frequency as it gives me some down time if I happen to get clotheslined with one or two of those unexpected difficult assignments in a single week.

So it was with some apprehension when the first three weeks went by with absolutely no calls. I was starting to wonder if I was even on the subbing list.

I don’t have to wonder anymore. The subbing drought ended with the first call late last week that resulted in a flood of five consecutive assignments starting Sept/12.

The first random call was for a school I rarely get assignments. Three days for 2nd graders. At lunch in the teachers lounge the first day, a 5th grade teacher asked if I was available for her class on Wed this week. Today, also in the teachers lounge, another 2nd grade teacher who knew I was subbing next door asked if I was available for Friday, also this week.

There are two schools of thought about substitutes in the teacher’s lounge. Some subs feel the atmosphere is basically hostile to subs and will eat in the classroom or the car to avoid uncomfortable situations. I have the opposite view. It’s a great place to meet and greet teachers for potential future assignments.

But enough is enough for this week. I want Thursday off so I might be eating my lunch in the car tomorrow.

Substitute Teacher Report...

...and I have nothing to report.

We are starting the 3rd week of school already and it's all quiet on the subbing front. By this time last year I was almost too busy.

Anyway, the blog has been getting several hits with query's for "substitute teacher report" so I thought I'd oblige by posting a copy of the report I use for elementary school classes.

Anyone is free to steal, copy, edit, adapt, adjust, duplicate, replicate or photocopy mine for their own use.

Click image for larger view:

The New Profanity...

The second week of school hasn’t offered any substitute assignments so we went to the mid-day, discount ($6/ea) movies yesterday. It’s almost like having your own private theater room. There were only 10 people attending. Very nice. The only downside is that I can’t pause the movie for a potty break.

It’s not unusual to find graffiti in public restrooms offering various “services”, “art” and “news” written with sharpie pens or carved onto restroom walls.

I’m not sure when it started but restroom profanity seems to be posted by the less gifted.

“Four letter words” are now being shortened to three, mostly by eliminating the letter “C”. I suspect that the letter “K” also might be on the way out to reduce the time required to get your message across.

It’s probably an easy supposition that this development can be traced directly to cell phone text messaging and internet chat room acronyms. But I think that the trend in not highlighting spelling errors in favor of phonetic spelling in school as part of the creative writing process might be partially to blame.

Well, time 2 zip an get bak b4 I mis 2 mch of da moo-v “De Drk Nite”.

NY Kinders Taking 90min Tests...

From: http://wcbstv.com/cbs2crew/Testing.Youngest.Pupils.2.804505.html

"...The city is asking public school principals to consider giving math tests to kindergartners, a proposal that comes amid debate over the growing use of standardized tests nationwide.

The experiment could involve tests as long as 90 minutes and change reading assessments for kindergartners through second-graders in the nation's biggest school system, where Mayor Michael Bloomberg's administration has enthusiastically embraced testing. The approach dismays some parents and educators who see it as mechanizing education.

The Department of Education unveiled the $400,000 program in an e-mail Monday inviting elementary school principals to participate. About 65 principals have expressed interest, and as many as 12,000 pupils may ultimately be involved, said James Liebman, the department's accountability chief.
..."

I find it interesting that they aren't inviting Kindergarten teachers to comment. The Kinders I come in contact with rarely have an attention span of more than about 15mins...MAX.

(Click the link above to read the whole story)

Naming Cars...

School has been in session for a week now and the teachers are, evidentially, healthy as Olympic athletes. No calls for a substitute yet.

The old school car, “Sally”, has found a new home. Needless to say, “Craig’s List” is my new best friend. As soon as my asking price for the old Saturn SL2 hit rock bottom, the phone was ringing off the hook…the day after I sold the car.

I know a lot of people who name their cars. I have a friend who calls her Honda Odyssey van “Homer” and her husband named his Mini Cooper “Marge”. He also has an old GTO named “green machine” or just “the goat” since EVERY GTO is known as “a goat”.

We kinda tried to name our cars at one time. But we hardly ever use the chosen names and usually fall back to make or style descriptions as a reference.

It’s usually:
“I’ll take the Saturn to school. We need a Costco run, so let’s take the van for the big stuff. The weather’s great, let’s take the sports car and put the top down.”

Hardly ever:
“I’ll take Sally to school. We need a Costco run so let’s take the van (we never really named the Caravan) since we need big stuff. The weather’s great, let’s take Silky and put the top down”

The new car may have to be the exception. It begs to have a name other than -- YARIS.

“The Toyota” has too many syllables for such a tiny car and “YARIS” sounds like some kind of demented pirate with a speech impediment.

“Avast, me hardies! Captain “YARRRRRR-HISSS” is on deck!”

So far, every woman has used the phrase “It’s SO cute”. So…we’ve started calling it “Cee-Cee”. Claudette says it stands for “chick car” or “cute car”.

Claudette has forbidden me to use the phrase “Clown Car”, but it really DOES remind me of one of those tiny cars in the circus that disgorges streams of endless clowns!

So it’s official. Our new “Toyota Yaris” will be hence known as “Cee-Cee”!

(…the “clown car”)

Another Choice...

This dark horse candidate could use the money if he got the job...

TB or Not TB, Is That the Question?...

“Your personnel records indicate that you will be prevented from taking any assignments on or after Sept/4.”

That’s message I get when I try the school district SubFinder system. To fix it, I simply pay a fee to renew my substitute teaching permit, submit a copy to the district and everything is right with the world until next summer.

School is back in session starting Monday. Several weeks ago, I renewed my “Emergency 30-Day Substitute Teaching Permit” and submitted a copy to the school district office as required.

I called the SubFinder system this week only to still hear:
“Your personnel records indicate that you will be prevented from taking any assignments on or after Sept/4.”

Ok, so the office hasn’t noted my renewal yet but school DOES resume on Monday. I don’t want to be “prevented from taking any assignments”. It’s surely a simple clerical error to be corrected as soon as I point out the problem.

A second visit to the office verified that they do have a copy of my renewed permit but it seems that I need to have an updated TB test to bring my personnel records up to date.

It WOULD have been helpful had the automated system tell me what PART of my “personnel records” was preventing me from class assignments. It WOULD have been helpful if the district office, while noting my renewed permit, could have mentioned the expired TB test.

Ok, so now I’ve paid for and passed my TB test and am now in “good standing” with the district. But what would have happened had the test and the subsequent x-ray came back “positive”?

I understand the initial requirement for a TB test starting the job. They don’t want contagious people exposed to kids but I didn’t know that I needed to be tested for TB every four years to continue.

I know of no other industry, except health care for obvious reasons, that requires periodic TB testing. The only reason to periodically test employees is there must be a risk of contracting TB from the classroom clientele.

I’m starting to wonder if this job really worth the risk of contracting TB for such minimal compensation and no employer provided insurance.

Olympics Performers...

Should there be awards for Olympic "performers"?
I vote yes!

Hurry Up Already!

We're having a late summer this year. In the 90's so we had the grandkids over for a swim.

Younger cousin thought the lesson was taking too long.

Before It’s Too Late!....

We have to act fast!

Professors at MIT are working to end one of the longest running and most successful reclamation and recycling projects the world has ever seen.

The earth is polluted with this stuff. It’s buried under vast land masses of almost every nation on earth. It’s lurking off shore under the surface of the oceans threatening marine life and some of the most popular beaches on earth.

Before the global reclamation-recycling project came to be, there were reports of farmlands so polluted with the stuff that farmers had to turn to subsistence trapping and hunting just to survive.

In just one such incident, a farmer named Jed was shootin’ at some food one day, and up from the ground came this bubblin’ toxic crude.

Jed was frustrated until the multi-national global reclamation-recycling project (OilCo for short) came and offered to get rid of the toxic pollutant on his land. They told him it wouldn’t cost him anything.

In fact, they would PAY Jed to allow them to help reclaim his farm. They would even relocate him and the whole family to a pollution free (and thinking free) area until they finished reclaiming his farmland.

What a deal!

Since the early 1900’s, OilCo has been hard at work, locating other pockets of this hazardous waste and ridding the planet of the danger to life and the environment.

They recycle it into useful products that can be sold on the open market. The sale of this recycled product more than pays for the good work OilCo needs to locate and clean newly discovered toxic sites.

Now, along comes this professor from MIT who threatens to end the good work OilCo has been doing for more than 100 years.

If we don’t act fast, this new technology will make the market for the recycled products OilCo sells obsolete and place the burden of costs for continued restoration of toxic sites to individual governments (ie: taxpayers)

But we still have time. The new MIT technology is years from practical implementation and in that time we should urge the efforts of OilCo to continue at maximum possible speed.




Drill it now! Drill it fast! Drill everywhere we can find it!

Before it’s too late…

I'm a good guy -- really!!

I haven't been able to post for a while and I don't actually know when THIS post will appear if ever because...

Message from blogger.com tonight (July 31)

"...This blog has been locked due to possible Blogger Terms of Service violations. You may not publish new posts until your blog is reviewed and unlocked.
This blog will be deleted within 20 days unless you request a review.
..."

I'm not alone. There seem to be several hundred (thousands?) of blogs that were tagged recently.

It seems that in their zeal to clamp down on the violators of their Terms of Service their automated anti-bad guy filter software doesn't seem to be perfected quite yet.

Now an actual human must sort through the anti-bad guy suspect list to restore me to "good guy" status.

I guess if YOU are reading this, then I that means Blogger HAS determined I'm not such a bad guy after all.

(Let's see how long this takes...)

The New School Car...

Incoming new replacement...




...for the, hopefully, outgoing "Old" School Car.

It’s a Biggie…

It might be completely dead this time. Don’t know for sure yet.

School resumes a month from today and it’s been almost exactly one year since I hoped to get one more year out of the “school car”. The car spends most of its time parked on the side of the driveway during the summer.

Then it began last week. I noticed that the battery indicator light was on when took it out to get gas at the local Costco. It’s been sitting idle for most of the summer so maybe the battery is just weak from non use. I’ll start driving it on short trips to at least keep the battery charged. Not a biggie.

A few short out and back trips didn’t persuade “school car” to extinguish the battery indicator. Well the battery IS five years old, so maybe it’s time for a new one. Note to self: pick up new battery on next trip to Costco. No biggie.

Uh, oh! Now I have “battery” AND “anti-lock brake” indicators showing. Coincidence? Can I make it until the weekend? It still runs and the brakes still work so hopefully not too much a biggie…right?

Yesterday, I agreed to baby-sit for my grandson and there is a Costco nearby. The plan is to take “school car” and pick up a new battery on the way back. Half way to my daughter’s house I notice that I have “battery”, “anti-lock brake” and now “air bag” indicators on…

I’m thinking it’s starting to look like a biggie…

With the grandson down for a nap and the baby monitor moved to the garage, I used son-in-law’s tools to dismantle the “way too complicated” battery cover and mounting bracket to get at the battery and terminals. Topped off the water levels, tightened all the connectors and re-started the car. No change.

Leaving my daughters place, I still have all three indicators on but now the car is idling at twice the normal rate. Half way to the Costco, the turn signals stop working.

It’s a biggie!

Plans to stop at Costco are now abandoned. Now I’m hoping to just make it to the Saturn dealer a few miles further down the road before the wheels fall off.

Two miles from the dealership, the engine is racing and ALL the engine indicators are on, no turn or emergence flasher signals work and I can’t roll down the power windows to attempt hand signals to make turns.

I’m almost hit twice for changing lanes without signaling. I’m glad I can’t read lips, but I know the intent of silent shouts I see in the review mirror.

Miraculously, I make it to the dealership, coast to a stop in the service driveway and shut the engine off. Everything electrical in the car is dead. Even the dome light doesn’t come on when I open the driver’s door.

They were pushing the car into the service garage when I left. I’m tempted to just hand them the keys and walk away.

-- Sunday July 27 update --

Heard back from the Saturn dealer yesterday. The conversation was something like a bizarre automotive version of "There was an old woman who swallowed a fly"

Dealer Guy: Well, we located the problem with your car.
Me: ok...

DG: The battery is completely dead. (...my original thought exactly)
Me: And?

DG: and...the cause was traced to the alternator. It's completely failed. (...good call Law and Order Teacher-- see the comments section)
Me: Anything else?

DG: Well, it appears that the power steering pump was leaking fluid onto the alternator that caused it to fail.
Me: Ouch! ...how much is this going to cost me?

DG: Uhh...(long pause)...we have to special order the power steering pump, alternator for your model year and a new battery it's going to run...(sounds of keyboard typing in the background)...Uhh, looks like $2150. We'll need your authorization before we proceed.
Me: Uhhh...Mmmm...$2150?...Uhhh...That's more than the car is worth!...Uhhh....ok?

So now the car is running again. My wallet is much lighter. Now I have to wonder if this is the end of major repairs for a while or just the start of a never ending litany of unknown problems to come.

(BTW: We looked at a Toyota Yaris while we were in the neighborhood)

Promises...

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

Substitute Teacher Powers...

California BBQ...

In case you haven't heard, the whole state of California is just one big BBQ with only a guess when the last wildfire will be out.

On the good news front, one of these will be flying out of the NASA Ames Research Center at Moffett Field to help out

Achievement…

What can the average person expect to achieve in his or her lifetime?

While some will, I’m pretty sure most of us won’t snag a Nobel, Emmy, Golden Globe or even first prize at the county fair.

What most of us can expect to achieve is a high school diploma, a college diploma, maybe even a PhD if the money and brains hold out.

Most of us can expect to achieve finding that special someone to share a life.

Most of us can expect to achieve parenthood if so inclined.

Most of us will experience a few years in one or more careers before settling into the retired life.

I just had one of those “decade birthdays”.

I won’t say when it was or what number it was, but there were fireworks involved and let’s just say that “The Sixty’s Generation” has a whole ‘nother meaning for me now.

While any achievement in my previous career may now be obsolete (such is the pace of cutting edge software design), I now realize that true achievement isn’t all about attaining recognition, wealth or status. It’s really much more basic.

For my surprise birthday party, Claudette and daughter Jene’ compiled a “memory book”.

Now that my real memory is beginning to encounter a few “bad sector” faults, they felt that a hard copy backup was necessary. As I started to peruse my birthday book, I came across pictures and comments from lots-a-people I hadn’t expected and others I hadn’t seen for a while.

I must admit that this was an emotional moment as I realize that the following is MY true life achievement:

It’s the best I could ever have hoped for...

Pull My Finger...

Claudette and I were watching one of those odd science shows on the BBC-A the other night that proposed that higher exposure to testosterone levels in the womb is a predictive indicator of sex, human behavior and performance levels in adult life.

They claim that differential ring and index finger measurements in adults is an indicator of womb exposure to testosterone. As such, finger length can be used to predict both physical and mental performance in both men and women.

Men usually have a longer ring finger than the index finger. The bigger the difference the more testosterone exposure. Women tend to have just the opposite. Index fingers longer than ring fingers.

After Claudette and I stopped measuring our ring and index fingers, we exchange bemused looks as we verified the researcher's findings.

In one test, a researcher visited a college track & field team of six male runners. He measured finger differentials of each and then predicted the finish order in a race based strictly on the measurements. He got 1st, 2nd and 3rd place correct. Reversed 4th and 5th place finishers and got the 6th correct.

A little Googling on the net, I turned up the following:
From LiveScience.com
"...Exposure to testosterone in the womb is said to promote development of areas of the brain often associated with spatial and mathematical skills, he said. That hormone makes the ring finger longer. Estrogen exposure does the same for areas of the brain associated with verbal ability and tends to lengthen the index finger relative to the ring finger.

To test the link to children's scores on the College Board's Scholastic Assessment Test (for which the name has changed a number of times in the past 100 years), Brosnan and his colleagues made photocopies of children's palms and measured the length of their index and ring fingers using calipers accurate to 0.01 millimeters. They used the finger-length ratios as a proxy for the levels of testosterone and estrogen exposure.

The researchers then looked at boys' and girls' test performances separately and compared them to finger-length ratio measurements. They found a clear link between high prenatal testosterone exposure, indicated by the longer ring finger compared to the index finger, and higher scores on the math SAT.

Similarly, they found higher literacy SAT scores for the girls among those who had lower prenatal testosterone exposure, as indicated by a shorter ring finger compared with the index finger."

Not sure if all this is on the up and up, but it's going to be hard not to stare at the hands of the little monsters in class starting September.

Algebra Required in 8th Grade...

If the national studies are true, then California has no chance to make this work.

From the SFGate:

"...All California eighth-graders in public school will have to take Algebra 1 beginning in 2011 under a policy approved Wednesday by the state Board of Education in an 8-1 vote.

The board decided to make algebra testing mandatory in the eighth grade over the strong objections of Jack O'Connell, the state's elected schools chief."

---and--

From: Carpe Diem and USA Today

"...Summertime means school for an increasing number of high school students who have struggled in their math courses....In March, the National Mathematics Advisory Panel reported that U.S. students lack a deep understanding of basic skills, including a grasp of whole numbers and fractions.

One reason for teacher frustration is that the state's math gurus have de-emphasized memorization in favor of "conceptual thinking." The same philosophy has crept into English classes, where "creativity" has been elevated over knowledge of grammar, and into history classes, where knowing historical trends — "the big picture" — has replaced knowing dates of important events."

Final Check…

Hooray, hooray today is payday! School has been out for almost three weeks now and today’s the day.

The “real” teachers got their final check two weeks after last day of school. We have to wait three weeks for them to cut our checks.

They COULD have verified and run the payroll for everyone at the same time, but they make us wait until the end of June for our final check so they can earn a few more days of interest on “our money”.

I’ve previously described the how this creative accounting method works to the benefit of the district at the expense of the district substitutes so there’s no point in rehashing it.

I arrived at what I thought was the very civilized time of 10:00am to pick up my check at the district office (they won’t expend a postage stamp to send it in the mail), and I expected the usual courteous greeting with my check.

It was not to be.

“Substitutes are not supposed to be here before 10:30 to pick up checks” was the greeting I got. Sure enough there was an orange flyer posted right there on the window and it does say:

“Checks can be picked up on June 30, 2008 after 10:30am”

The box of checks is clearly in view on her desk and she didn’t appear to be working on anything else except surfing the internet. Before I could reply with a smarmy comment of my own about how long she’s had to go since her last paycheck, she added:

“But since you’re here, I guess I'll get it for you” with the unspoken tone of “but don’t let it happen again!”

Well, golly gee, gosh darn, thank you for stepping out on a limb, going to the max and thinking outside the “union” time card box to look up my name in the alphabetized shoe box of checks.

I can’t remember, but I think I forgot to say “Thanks” when I left.

Final Tally: 2007-08...

I worked a grand total of 79 classroom subbing days for the just ended 2007-08 school year.

This was working for a single district with 15 elementary schools. Surprisingly, 51 of those subbing days (65 %!!) were for a single school in the district. Two schools monopolized 69/79 (87%) of my jobs.

Not sure if it’s good or bad to be seen so infrequently at the other 13 schools.

Something to think about this next year.

Popcorn Reader...

I came across the term “popcorn reading” on a lesson plan not long after I started subbing four years ago. I didn’t know what: “Have the kids popcorn read the next chapter” actually meant. When asked, the kids explained it was just taking turns reading a paragraph from the text book or the current class novel.

Sometimes it’s drawing random names on popsicle sticks, or having the kid that finishes reading pick the next reader who hasn’t already read. With twenty to thirty kids in class, it never seems that anyone has to read more than once during the lesson.

This fact is not lost on some kids. Those are the kids that want their turn early so they can screw around for the rest of the time.

They decide to “do other stuff” while the rest of the class is reading the text. They know that they don’t have to read along because they already had “their turn”.

I’m there only for the day, so I usually don’t make a big deal when this happens unless the “other stuff” is distracting to others in the vicinity.

In one of the last 5th grade classes I had this year, a kid I’ll call “Josh”, was taking it to the extreme by crackling his water bottle, drum beating the desk or rummaging around in his desk for who knows what to the amusement his table group friends.

On this particular day, I couldn't seem to be able to overlook Josh’s antics. After the first couple of popsicle kids had read, I called on Josh to read next.

Josh not only didn’t know what page or paragraph we were on, he apparently didn’t know what book we were reading from.

After a long delay and a consult with the girl next to him, he got the book, page and paragraph identified and dutifully read the next paragraph.

I doubt that he understood what he was reading because it was out of context to the previous paragraphs he wasn’t reading, but he did “read the words”.

While the next popsicle kid was reading, I glanced over at Josh who was back to “doing his stuff”. When it was time to select the next reader, I abandoned the next random selection process.

Me: Josh! You’re up.
Josh: But…I already read!
Me: I know. You’re up again. Do you know where we are?
Josh: Uh…no.
Me: That’s why you’re up again. Find out and begin!

This required another hasty consult with the others around him before he could comply.

It took a third reading session before Josh finally got the idea that I might be out to get him. After each time a popsicle kid finished, I would ask without looking up: “Josh! What page and paragraph are we on?” If he got it right, I’d move on to the next popsicle kid. If he got it wrong, it was his turn to read again.

It finally got to the point that all I had to do was look over in his direction with a questioning look, and Josh would lift up his book slightly acknowledging that he knew I was watching and he knew what page and paragraph we were on.

More importantly, he was so paranoid about keeping track of where the reading point was that he didn’t have time for that “other stuff” he’d would rather have preferred to do during class.

RIP - George Carlin

You can't take your "stuff" with you, George...



...and, in an interesting segue, here's a guy getting rid of all his "stuff"

Question Authority...Ya Know?

This guy explains why everything sounds like a question?

What's My Line...

Went out to the movies tonight to celebrate our 38th wedding anniversary.

Dialog from the movie:

Q: You're a teacher??
A: Only part time...

That's MY line!

Guess the movie this dialog was from and you get 1 "AttaBoy" point!!

Answer the question!

...if there is one

Longest question ever for McCain

Who's the Substitute?

Pro-Choice in Education..

But not the way you're thinking. It seems that "choice" is only good when it doesn't threaten the public unions. Click the link to the full Wall Street Journal story.

From the WSJ: Putting the Children Last
June 11,2008

"...Democrats in Congress have finally found a federal program they want to eliminate. And wouldn't you know, it's one that actually works and helps thousands of poor children.

...We're speaking of the four-year-old Washington, D.C. Opportunity Scholarship Program that provides vouchers to about 2,000 low-income children so they can attend religious or other private schools. The budget for the experimental program is $18 million, or about what the U.S. Department of Education spends every hour and a half.

...These are families in heavily Democratic neighborhoods. More than 80% of the recipients are black and most of the rest Hispanic. Their average income is about $23,000 a year. But the teachers unions have put out the word to Congress that they want all vouchers for private schools that compete with their monopoly system shut down...

...The reason unions want to shut the program down immediately isn't because they're afraid it will fail. They're afraid it will succeed, and show that there is a genuine alternative to the national scandal that are most inner-city public schools. That's why former D.C. Mayor Anthony Williams and current Mayor Adrian Fenty, both Democrats, support the program.

...Hopefully," says Mr. Chavis, "Congress will focus on the kids, not the politics here." Barack Obama might call that the audacity of hope, if he finally showed the nerve to break with the unions on at least one issue and support these poor D.C. students.

..."

Also check out Mark at Carpe Diem for comments about which "choices" Congress does and doesn't like.

I Thought I Was Done...

The last week of school is pretty much a “do nothing” week.

Field trips to the water park, Great America theme park and year end parties dominate the educational scene. There usually haven’t been many calls to substitute the last week in previous years. So I was surprised Monday afternoon by a call to sub for a 3^rd grade class on Tuesday.

The teacher’s additional note announced: “Tuesday is field day”.

Of course I took it. It’s one last “pay day” before the financial summer drought.

Dressed appropriately in jeans and running shoes, I ran soccer relay races for half a day in the warm (ie: low 90F’s) California sun followed by an afternoon in the air conditioned classroom watching: “Garfield the Movie”.

Now, I'm done...

Obama Won't Win...

---

...if it's up to the Clinton's

With school out and time on my hands, I thought I'd float my own conspiracy theory to see if it has potential.

Clinton wants to be president. She's not gonna get it this time. That's a fact.

The next best shot for Clinton is 2012, but not if Obama is an incumbent running for 2nd term.

I predict that Hillary&Bill will be working behind a facade of cooperation and support for Obama's to hopefully engineer his defeat without exposing their back door support for a McCain win in 2008.

Daily Double...

It’s Tuesday and the last day of this four day assignment in 5^th grade. It’s probably the last day of any subbing assignment for me this school year. The last day of school before summer is next Friday. No more pay checks until school starts again in September.

Not a whole lot for the kids to do today. It’s mostly busy work and they know it. Yet, it’s my job to hand it out and attempt to get them to do it. My real job today is attempting to minimize the noise levels and chaos that naturally erupts from boredom.

The only bright spot today was when I got a call from the office asking that someone send the backpacks for Mr. Attitude and Gang-ster to the office as they wouldn’t be returning to the classroom today. It seems that they were throwing gum at a yard duty person at lunch recess. At least that’s the explanation I got.

There’s probably more to the story but I felt like I had won the daily double at the track. My afternoon just got considerably more pleasant without these two.

Anti-Social Studies...

This is the third day (Monday) of my four day subbing assignment in this 5^th grade classroom.

The school district has a no tolerance policy about gang related dress, references, art or threats of any kind. Of course, the classroom wannabe gang-ster was violating just about everything in a one page notebook production instead of doing the social studies assignment this afternoon.

Note the irony here? Anti-social studies? Get it? Nah, he didn’t either.
I let the principal try and explain it to him that last hour of class.

Benched...

They say the most common fear for people is: “fear of public speaking”. Fear of the “unknown” is probably up near the top of many lists also.

As a substitute teacher without any experience or information as to what to expect, walking into a classroom facing 20-30 new faces can generate a bit of anxiety. When I decided to try substitute teaching after the layoff, I knew that I’d have to face both of these personal demons myself.

Curiously, my fear of public speaking is limited to the adult population while talking to kids comes easy. …One down, one to go.

In my previous professional career, I discovered a technique that worked to help overcome the “fear of the unknown”.

I’d gather as much information about what I was supposed to do, ask friends what they might know about the situation I was considering and then finally ask myself the following question: “What’s the worst thing that could possibly happen?”

If the answer didn’t involve death or major injury, financial bankruptcy, or losing the respect of family and friends, I felt good to go.

And so each time I accept an assignment in a new school or a class I haven’t had before, my answer to that question is: “I experience five classroom hours of total tortured chaos and then I go home.”

That I can live with!

Last Thursday was the start of a four day, 5^th grade assignment where the teacher’s lesson plan gave me the following information:

On the whiteboard was a list of names that made up 1/3 of the entire class and was marked “Benched!!” For what reasons, I didn’t know why the benchees were to have no recess that day but my anxiety level was spiking just imagining what I was in for with these kids.

When they arrived that morning, I dispensed with my usual easy going classroom attitude and went for the “no nonsense” approach to gain the upper hand. I let them know what their teacher said and that I’d follow through on all threats she had listed for them. At recess time, I read the bench list and told them they’d better behave.

The usual offense that earns sitting on the bench during recess is missing homework or a missed deadline for class work. The idea is to have the kids complete the work on the bench while the other kids are at play.

After a short break in the teachers lounge, I went to find my “benched kids” only to discover four of them missing. I asked the others where they were and they told me they were out playing football.

I collected names of all who were there and considered what punishment to mete out.

Back in the classroom, I waited until all the kids were seated and then calmly walked over to the names listed on the whiteboard and put check marks next to the four names that skipped out on me.

The classroom was dead silent when I turned around and asked each checked kid why they didn’t report as required. One claimed he did but the others ratted him out by saying that I had collected names of everyone on the bench. A second kid with attitude claimed that his name shouldn’t have been on the list in the first place and so it didn’t apply to him. The other two just said that they didn’t think I’d check.

In addition to the usual homework, I assigned the bench skippers to write a letter of explanation (200 words minimum) for their teacher as to why they skipped their benching. I told them that an action like this was not helping to get back “FIELD DAY” for the rest of the class. I also told them that they still owed me a bench day on Friday.

Friday morning I received the following letters of explanation from three of them. The fourth kid is going to spend Monday on the bench again.

Guess which one is from Mr. Attitude

What's that?

The phone is ringing at Oh-Five-Dark-Thirty Tuesday morning. I know it’s a subbing job. I’m not totally coherent that early in the morning. Add to that the sometimes bad audio quality of the SubFinder system audio and it could come across something like this:

Lyrics from: 'o fortuna' by carmina burana.

Back from the Beach...

Back from twelve days in Kaua'i, Hawaii...



...and not quite ready for that next four day tour in 5th grade starting Thursday.

On Vacation...

One of the best "perks?" of substitute teaching is the vacation time.

It's my time. I can take time off any time I feel the need. No permission needed, no arrangements needed for a someone to take my place. Just do it.

And so, until further notice...Aloha!!

Best Commencement Advice...EVER

Los Angeles Times Opinion - May 4, 2008
"Commencement advice you're unlikely to hear elsewhere"
By: P.J. O'Rourke
Excerpts...

Well, here you are at your college graduation. And I know what you're thinking: "Gimme the sheepskin and get me outta here!" But not so fast. First you have to listen to a commencement speech.

Don't moan. I'm not going to "pass the wisdom of one generation down to the next." I'm a member of the 1960s generation. We didn't have any wisdom.

1. "Wealth"
Go out and make a bunch of money!

There's nothing the matter with honest moneymaking. Wealth is not a pizza, where if I have too many slices you have to eat the Domino's box. In a free society, with the rule of law and property rights, no one loses when someone else gets rich.

2. "Idealism"
Don't be an idealist!

Don't chain yourself to a redwood tree. Instead, be a corporate lawyer and make $500,000 a year. No matter how much you cheat the IRS, you'll still end up paying $100,000 in property, sales and excise taxes. That's $100,000 to schools, sewers, roads, firefighters and police. You'll be doing good for society. Does chaining yourself to a redwood tree do society $100,000 worth of good?

Idealists are also bullies. The idealist says, "I care more about the redwood trees than you do. I care so much I can't eat. I can't sleep. It broke up my marriage. And because I care more than you do, I'm a better person. And because I'm the better person, I have the right to boss you around."

3. "Politics"
Get politically uninvolved!

All politics stink. Even democracy stinks. Imagine if our clothes were selected by the majority of shoppers, which would be teenage girls. I'd be standing here with my bellybutton exposed. Imagine deciding the dinner menu by family secret ballot. I've got three kids and three dogs in my family. We'd be eating Froot Loops and rotten meat.

But the problem isn't politicians -- it's politics. Politics won't allow for the truth. And we can't blame the politicians for that. Imagine what even a little truth would sound like on today's campaign trail:

"No, I can't fix public education. The problem isn't the teachers unions or a lack of funding for salaries, vouchers or more computer equipment The problem is your kids!"

4. "Fairness"
Forget about fairness!

We all get confused about the contradictory messages that life and politics send. Some are rich while others are poor. We'd better close that 'income disparity gap.' It's not fair!"

Well, I am here to advocate for unfairness. I've got a 10-year-old at home. She's always saying, "That's not fair." When she says this, I say, "Honey, you're cute. That's not fair. Your family is pretty well off. That's not fair. You were born in America. That's not fair. Darling, you had better pray to God that things don't start getting fair for you."

5. "Religion"
Be a religious extremist!

So, avoid politics if you can. But if you absolutely cannot resist, read the Bible for political advice -- even if you're a Buddhist, atheist or whatever. Don't get me wrong, I am not one of those people who believes that God is involved in politics. On the contrary. Observe politics in this country. Observe politics around the world. Observe politics through history. Does it look like God's involved?

The Bible is very clear about one thing: Using politics to create fairness is a sin. Observe the Tenth Commandment. The first nine commandments concern theological principles and social law: Thou shalt not make graven images, steal, kill, et cetera. Fair enough. But then there's the tenth: "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's."

Here are God's basic rules about how we should live, a brief list of sacred obligations and solemn moral precepts. And, right at the end of it we read, "Don't envy your buddy because he has an ox or a donkey." Why did that make the top 10? Why would God, with just 10 things to tell Moses, include jealousy about livestock?

Well, think about how important this commandment is to a community, to a nation, to a democracy. If you want a mule, if you want a pot roast, if you want a cleaning lady, don't whine about what the people across the street have. Get rich and get your own.


(...and thanks to Carpe Diem for the find)

Real STAR Students!...

Last Friday I was at the same school, same grade level, but in a different 6th class…and a world of difference. These guys did their work, didn’t act up and made for an easy day.

Just for fun. See how long it takes you to complete the following worksheet:
(Click to enlarge)



All done? Did you double check your work? I hope so because there is one final question. Don't cheat and click until your work is done.

(Click the comments for it...)