ADAH …

My week long assignment in 6^th grade is finally over. It’s been a long week to say the least. One kid, who was MIA most of last week and this, showed up on Wednesday.

Just my luck, he’s part of the clown crowd of the previously identified “Beatles” (John, Paul, George and a 4^th whose name isn’t Ringo but DOES end in ‘O’) and the sassy girl.

I swear, if these six aren’t already diagnosed with one of those popular 3-4 letter acronym mental syndromes, I’d offer to make a case for this one: ADAH (Attention Deficient A$$ Holes).

It’s draining to repeat the same phrase over and over and over all day long.

“(Insert ADAH kid name here)! (Insert one of the following)!”

· “Sit Down!”

· “Stop talking!”

· “Stop Interrupting!”

· “Leave him/her alone!”

· “Why are you wandering the room?”

· “No, you can’t eat Froot Loops in class!”

· “Stop throwing that!”

· “Get off the floor!”

· “Clean up your mess!”

· “Get your book out!”

· “Start working!”

· “Get back to work!”

· “No, I don’t have an (extra pencil/ paper/ paper clip/ eraser)

For the final writing assignment, I had them write a personal letter:

---

Dear, Ms. Teacher

We are glad you’re back! Let me tell you what’s been happening the two weeks you’ve been gone…

---

Most of the letters were of the “compare and contrast” styles of the four substitute teachers they’ve had these last two weeks.

The worst of the ADAH “Beatles” kids wrote (and I’m paraphrasing with intentional misspelling here because it’s true)”

Dear, Ms. Teacher

We are glad you’re back! Let me tell you what’s been happening the two weeks you’ve been gone.

We’ve had four subseetoots and it was real noisey. The wors one was Mr. Homework. He is really mean. Please, please, please, never, never, never, never, (repeat another 10-15 nevers) have Mr. Homework subseetoot for us agan!

Sinserly, (The worst of the Beatles)

For the first time this week, kid I totally agree…

Carnival of Education update 138

Free admission to the Carnival of Education #138 is now open!

Miss Issippi…

Well, I’m back in the 6^th grade class with the backed-up plumbing problems (now fixed) from last week and I’m not sure if I’ll survive the rest of the week. It seems that they have had a diet of three other subs since I was here last.

They chewed up one sub a day since last Tuesday and couldn’t seem to get anyone to come back for a repeat performance. That should either be flattering that they want me back for four days straight or I’m missing a big clue as why no one seems to want to take more than a single day with these guys.

Maybe it’s the lack of lesson plans, an over abundance of “bad actors” in the class or they aren’t as desperate for a big check this month to put a dent in some unexpected medical expenses due to the crappy health insurance policy we switched to last year (…more about that in a future blog posting).

A fantastic teacher spent over 45mins this morning generating lesson plans for me to cover the rest of the week so I’m not left hanging. I’ve subbed for this guy before and will take his class any time he asks.

But for what ever reason I find myself here this week, I’m glad that 25% of the assignment is now over.

I got so tired of hammering on the Beatles guys (John, Paul, George and a 4^th whose name isn’t Ringo but DOES end in ‘O’) and a sassy girl with a cutesy name of a state in the U.S.of A. that I kinda lost my control of the class.

After she slammed a book down on her desk after I told her to stop knitting (yes, the yarn and needles thing) and get back to work, I kicked her out to the office for being disrespectful. I tried to notify the office but no one was answering so I went on with the lesson.

Fifteen minutes later, “Montana” returns and tells me a tale about talking with the principal, apologetic contrition, and promises to behave and being allowed to return to class. This is out of character for the principle I know who is pretty tough on class clowns, but “what the hey?” Maybe he’s got too much on his plate today to deal with “Virginia”

Since I couldn’t contact the office by phone earlier, I stopped on the way to lunch to let the office know why I booted “Carolina” earlier in the day.

The secretary looked confused and asked who I had sent. When I repeated the name, the secretary said that “Ohio” HAD come to the office in the morning and said she was here to pick up more raffle tickets for the sale and then returned to class.

Miss “California” was then called out of the lunch room to have a “real” conversation with the principal.

Now that she knows that I do talk with the office staff about what goes on in the classroom, we’ll see what stories “Miss Issippi” will come up with in the next three days.

Far Out!

You know you’re old when the slang of your youth has been elevated to a "Idioms and Clichés" worksheet.

…and not even ONE fifth grader had ever heard the term “Far Out!” before.

For the record, the kids couldn’t match ANY of the following...DOH!

(click to enlarge):

Backed Up …

I just love a lesson plan that starts off: “These kids can be quite noisy at times”.

The teacher who called me Sunday night didn’t mention that item of information when she asked me to take her 6^th grade class for Monday morning. She saved it for…Monday morning…SURPRISE!!.

Well, it’s only one day and I had a pretty complete lesson plan to work from. By the time the kids figure out that I’m all bluff, it’ll be over and I can walk away free and clean.

Of the thirty 6^th graders, she has five boys and one girl that are the driving force behind the class turmoil. If it wasn’t for the “tainted six”, this class would be a dream.

I sat hard and tight on all six…all day. We made it to the end of the day in pretty good shape and nobody ended up crying or composing a “Kill List”.

As I’m packing up to leave, the office calls down to ask if I can take the class again tomorrow. The teacher has contracted some kind of infection of the thyroid and is on her way to the hospital. She’s seriously sick so I agree knowing that I’ll have to come up with a lesson plan for tomorrow. Something I haven’t done before so therefore so it’s probably doomed from the start

With the help of two other 6^th grade teachers, we come up with a lot of work to fill the day. Only the math section is a logical extension of the previous day. The rest is mostly reading and writing stuff till the dismissal bell.

The “tainted six” are corralled by having their names on the board in a box labeled “The LIST”. I haven’t told them what the list means. The longer I delay telling them, the implied threat seems to have their attention…especially after I put check marks after each offenders name when he/she forgets I have “The LIST”.

By lunch time, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Near the end of our 40min lunch, one of the male teachers exits the teachers lounge bathroom and asks one of the female teachers to go in and flush one of the toilets in the womens room.

She returns right quick. “There’s black water backing up in both toilets!”

A check in the student bathrooms confirms that the plumbing is seriously compromised campus wide.

Back in the classroom, I tell the kids: “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that all the restrooms are closed because sewage is backing up in the plumbing”

The kids ask: “So what’s the GOOD news?”

“The good news is that I won’t have honor any further requests to “go to the bathroom” for the rest of the day AND requests for “drinks of water” will be discouraged due to the bathrooms being closed”

One of the “tainted six”, one that’s had an unusually weak bladder today, later told me that the toilets were backed up with “black water” since the 10:00am recess.

Evidentially neither he nor any of the other 785 kids on campus thought that was worth mentioning to any adult on the school grounds.

Fortunately, I’m not working there tomorrow or Friday due to advance scheduling. I’m busy for the rest of the week…or at least until the plumbing gets fixed.

Kill List…

After subbing the first two full weeks of the new school year, this week came down to just this one assignment on the last day of the week. It started as just another typical 5^th grade class of thirty kids.

The teacher had left one actual spelling test and a pile of typical “time killer” worksheets to fill the academic day. The kids were restless but not really out of hand. It was a little more talkative than I care for, but the threat of “extra homework” had its usual temporary calming affect.

If it weren’t for that single incident, this day would have passed unnoticed, unremembered and forgotten as soon as I drove from the parking lot at day end.

The “incident” was a worksheet that one boy brought to me about 30mins before the dismissal bell.

On the back of the worksheet was a hand written list containing the names of three boys and three girls in the class with the title:

“KILL LIST”

I quietly called the worksheet owner (his name was on the front) over to the teacher’s desk and out of hearing range of the other kids.

I quietly asked if this worksheet was his. It was.

I asked him if he had written the list on the back. He had.

I asked him what this list was. He said it was a list of kids in class he didn’t like.

I was stunned. This boy is one of the smallest, skinniest and probably one of the smarter kids in this class…AND HE’S ONLY 10!!

I’m almost positive he didn’t actually mean anything by his use of the word “kill” but since he did use it, I can’t ignore it. With all the post-Columbine incidents involving kids and violence in schools I couldn’t take the chance even if it’s a small one.

I quietly said: “You know I have to show this to your teacher, don’t you?”

He just nodded and started tearing up. I quietly told him to return to his desk and he spent the rest of the time, head down, quietly crying until the final bell.

After everyone left, I took “the list” to the principal and told her that this is something she needs to know about. After making a copy, she thanked me for bringing it to her attention and said she’d be contacting the parents that same afternoon.

I’m at a loss for words as how stunned I feel right now. I hope the list was just as he described: “kids in class he didn’t like” and nothing more.

Where Did U.S. History Go?…

Maybe I wasn’t paying attention but, when did the “History” book become a “Social Studies” book? At least some U.S. History was listed in the lesson plan under “Social Studies” for last Fridays 5^th grade class. Not in the book, but a 1996 video titled:

Three Worlds Meet
Origins – 1620
Vol 1

The back cover synopsis:

“History comes to life in this dynamic series for grades 5-12. A comprehensive study of U.S. History from the earliest Native Americans to the Cold War years following WWII”

Had any of the kids been paying attention to the video (they weren’t), it could have been summarized as follows:

“The invading Christian conqueror, Christopher Columbus, intentionally spread small pox, other diseases, new invasive plant life, harmful animal life and slavery to the lands of the peaceful natives of the newly discovered continent…”

Not quite the same as taught in the HISTORY classes of the 1960’s. No mention of Columbus’s famous ships: the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria in this video. Not relevant I guess.

How many of you remember learning this oldie in school?

In fourteen hundred and ninety-two
Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
He took three ships with him, too,
And called aboard his faithful crew.
Mighty, strong and brave was he
As he sailed across the open sea.
Some people still thought the world was flat!
Can you even imagine that?

Class dismissed…

Carnival of Education #136...

The 136th performance of the CoE (hosted this week by History is Elementary) hit town last night with a three ring(worm) circus act to see.

And I especially like this one on:
A good substitute is worth his or her weight in plutonium

Stop Asking…

A time honored tradition since the opening day of the first one room school house has probably been the business of secretly passing notes in class. Hopefully unobserved, sometimes unsuccessfully, the message content probably hasn’t changed very much at the elementary level.

The hand-to-hand pass is easily detected unless the teachers back is turned. Even then it’s risky because you never know when he’ll turn around and catch you mid-pass.

Modern times might have changed the delivery method but even a substitute teacher can read the telltale body language of cell phone text message thumbing.

It might be that head down posture and two handed “fidgeting” below table level (at least that’s what I hope it is) that might be the giveaway. The proof is the surprised look on the kids face when the message recipient’s phone goes off in her backpack across the room.

This class seems to have perfected a version of the “dead drop” method used by the CIA and international spy rings to pass secret messages in a safe and undetectable manner.

The method perfected by these 5^th graders is to agree on a book title in the classroom library. The sender inserts the note in the book as it’s being returned during “silent reading” time and returns to her seat. The recipient then asks for permission to get a new book for reading time and retrieves the book and note.

Since this is the first time, I’ve seen this method, I guess it works pretty well and it would have gone unnoticed if it hadn’t been for the eagle-eyed classroom librarians (their job is to put the books back in the shelves) that brought the following notes to my attention:

History - 9/11

Because we have a tendency to forget...

From the "Moms Behaving Badly" File...

Mom Drives Son to Gang Fight at H.S.
"VICTORVILLE, Calif. - A mother was arrested after she allegedly drove her son to a school to fight with members of a rival gang. Sophia Elam, 41, drove her 16-year-old son and several adults to Silverado High School to fight with gang members who had been threatening her son in an ongoing dispute

...She was arrested at her county government job [emphasis added] at the same time the search warrant was served at her home in the 13600 block of Sylvan Oaks Street, officials said.

...As a dozen teenagers were being searched and detained by authorities at a local home Thursday afternoon, one of them pleaded, “Can’t I just call my mom?”

To which a Victorville detective replied, “No, your mom is already in jail.”
..."

Full story from: The Daily Press

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And to think, all I had to worry about this week was contagious diseases!

Never Mind...

Gilda, the substitute...




We all miss you Gilda...

Ringworm Saga Continues …

G5-Day 6

This week finds me back in the same 5th grade classroom with the “Ringworm Kid”.

The Labor Day weekend makes for a short week and the probability of no work since teachers are discouraged from calling in sick after any extended holiday weekend. I therefore took the guaranteed 4-day assignment strictly for the money.

Yesterday (Tues), I received one call from the school health aide asking about today’s bandage check (he didn’t have one) and two calls from the district health nurse asking about a note from the kid’s doctor (he didn’t have one) and the second call letting me know that if she HAD known just WHO the specific kid was (she WAS notified by the school secretary) that she would have handled the situation differently.

She didn’t elaborate what “differently” meant, but tried to convince me that the kid wasn’t likely to be contagious but I should still attempt to avoid any kind of skin contact.

I told her that I wasn’t so much worried about me but more concerned about the other kids at his table pod. He and the kid sitting next to him practically rub elbows with each other. Fortunately, it’s the OTHER arm the “ring” is on…but STILL.

So today, “Ringworm Kid” walks in and I have him show me his ring area to see if his ring is bandaged and IT WAS! The kid also told me that his mom told him to let me know that he used the medicine today.

I guess that’s SOME progress, at least. The school health aide called shortly after class started to ask about the bandage situation and was happy to hear that the parents had finally gotten the message.

That was until…His personal aide walks in and says: “I suppose you already know that I got it?”

Not quite sure what she was referring too, I dumbly ask “Got what?”

She then displayed a bandage on the side of her neck indicating a fresh ringworm infection.

She said: “The district health nurse told me that I couldn’t have got it from “Ringworm Kid” and that I must have gotten it from someone else! Can you believe it?”

I answered in the extreme negative and mentioned something about lack of common sense with the handling of the whole situation. She wholeheartedly agreed.

Shortly thereafter, the school health aide calls down to have me send “Ringworm Kid” over to personally check on the ring status.

“Ringworm Kid” returns with bandage dangling from arm. Seems this particular bandage seems to have lost its adhesive properties after the health aide finished inspection. I sent “Ringworm Kid” back for a NEW bandage.

(Is this fiasco getting too long winded and boring yet?...)

Afternoon, I get yet another call from the school health aide. She’s sending over the custodian to wipe down “Ringworm Kid’s” desk and chair. While he’s here festooned in HazMat-blue rubber gloves, the newly infected “Ringworm Kid” aide has him do the adjacent desk/chair also.

Two more days and I’m outta here no matter what!

Amazing Talent...

"What a Wonderful World" that has people with amazing, unusual talents...




..and..



..finally..

Sub Sues School District...

From the Daily Democrat Online:
http://www.dailydemocrat.com/news/ci_6770628

"...A Sacramento substitute teacher filed a federal complaint Friday against the Woodland Joint Unified School District for allegedly violating his civil rights without due process after certain schools within the district placed him on a secret "do not call" list which prevented him from obtaining employment."

"...Ross said he discovered his name had been placed on a secret do-not-call list that essentially removes a substitute teacher's name from the job selection pool. Each school maintains their own list, Ross said."

"...Ross spoke with the director of Lee Middle School's summer program at the time. The school stopped offering him work after the summer of 2006 and was told his name was on the list but was not told why or what he could do about it."

"...To this day I haven't heard from anybody. No one has told me anything except two things: I am on the list and I am not an employee and they can do whatever what they want," Ross said."

"...Mike Stevens, assistant superintendent of human resources for the Woodland Joint Unified School District, said the district does maintain a "site exclusion list" for substitute teachers and it is not as much a secret as it is confidential.

"You just don't go and blanket this stuff out," said Stevens, who added that the district maintains the list in confidence to protect the teacher's reputation [emphasis added] so they will be able to find work elsewhere."

----------------------------------------

When the a school district doesn't tell the person targeted that they are black listed, they aren't protecting anyone except themselves and I doubt that the list is all that confidential among school secretaries at different schools in the same district.

Hank Hill had it right when he says: "They won't fire you Peggy, they'll just stop calling!"

Contagious Inclusion …

G5-Day 3

The health aide was manning the front desk this morning, so I had the opportunity to find out more about my ringworm kid situation.

Me: What’s the deal with the boy with ringworm?

I was hoping that he was told not to return to school until he had it cleared up and under control. The answer I received was a bit cryptic.

HealthLady: “He’s an inclusion student”, she intoned as if that summed up the situation.

Me: I looked up “ringworm” and it said it was pretty contagious especially in close quarter classroom settings.

HealthLady: Inclusion students can’t be excluded from the classroom for any reason.

Me: But he’s contagious!

HealthLady: That doesn’t matter. He can’t be excluded.

Me: So what can I do if he shows up today?

HealthLady: Well, if he comes to school and the infected area isn’t covered, send him over and I’ll put a Band-Aid over it to cover it up.

The circular logic here is stupefying. The implied reasoning would dictate that “normal” students with contagious stuff COULD be sent home but “special” students are protected by a blanket waiver even if it means the “black plague” for the rest of us.

As my luck would have it, the kid did show for school this morning.

I asked if he had been to the doctor yesterday after school (probably a violation of his civil rights for me to even ask). He did see a doctor and was given some medicated cream to use.

I asked him if he used the cream this morning (another questionable rights violation, I’m sure) and he said the doctor put some on yesterday but he didn’t use it this morning before coming to school.

I also saw that the “ring” was still visible and uncovered on his inner bicep, so I sent him off to see the “HealthLady” for the promised miracle Band-Aid.

This can’t be right, can it?

The teacher, I'm subbing for emailed and asked if I would be interested in taking his class next week .

I think I’m pushing my luck just finishing out the week tomorrow.

Ringworm Worries! …

G5-Day 2

Only a few of items of note:

It’s damn HOT! Yesterday, today and predictions for the rest of the week are the same. Temperatures are pushing the three digit levels.

Since the math lesson today is “rounding” up and down, it’s safe to say that all this week we’re always rounding up to 100F. At times today, we didn’t even have to do any rounding at all.

Ever see those fools without cars standing at the crosswalk continuously hitting the crosswalk button in the belief that the more you push it, the quicker it will go green?

Well, the A/C controls in all the classrooms in this district are much the same way. The temperature on classroom push button thermostat bottoms out at 70F. This didn’t stop me from giving it a couple of jabs each time I happened to pass by. Even with the A/C running continuously, I don’t think it ever reached its target temperature.

To make matters worse, one of the Special Ed kids in class displayed an alarmingly large sized mark the size of a silver dollar on his arm that looked like ringworm. His classroom aide trundled him off to the health office to hopefully to have him sent home, but it was not to be. The aide returned with student in tow and informed me that the health aide said it did indeed look like ringworm but not to worry saying: “It’s not contagious”.

Asked if anyone else in his family had similar marks, the kid said his brother and cousins all have them.

Almost every source of information I found on the net says something quite the opposite.

From: http://www.healthinsurancequotes.org/ringworm-the-basics/

“…Who is at risk for Ringworm?

Anyone can get Ringworm. Scalp Ringworm often strikes young children; outbreaks have been recognized in schools, day-care centers, and infant nurseries. School athletes are at risk for scalp Ringworm, Ringworm of the body, and foot Ringworm; there have been outbreaks among high school wrestling teams. Children with young pets are at increased risk for Ringworm of the body.

…”

I think I’ll have a little chat with the health aide if this kid shows up in class tomorrow.

Happy New Year! …

G5

The first day of the new school year (2007-2008) started yesterday.

It has been my experience, all three years of it, that the first week of school isn’t very busy for subs. In fact, I don’t think I every subbed during the first week since I started subbing.

This year is different.

I already have subbing assignments for the rest of the week in the same class. The 5^th grade teacher’s wife is delivering their baby boy today and paternity leave means the kids get a sub for the duration.

The kids were pretty good. No major dust ups. And I already knew more than half the class as 4^th graders.

We’ll see if I have the same opinion by Friday afternoon

P.S. I'm also celebrating the arrival of this blog’s first ever Google advertising income check for $102.70!!! What do you know? Advertising DOES pay.

Lack of Maps...

I'm guessing she wasn't in the top 10% (50%??) of her H.S. graduation class?
--or--
Probably it was the pressure of being hit with a random question on network TV.

The question:
Recent polls show that 1/5 of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this?

Any one of the following would have been a better choice:

1. I don't know.
2. That can't be true.
   
3. It must be due to lack of education in the subject of geography.

Miss Teen USA on the subject of maps:

How to Torpedo a Sub...

How to torpedo the substitute on the first day...

Babies Make Me Laugh...

How To Lure Substitute Teachers...

From USA Today: Schools Lure Substitute Teachers

Excerpts:
...Richmond Heights School District near St. Louis, where subs get a free movie pass after 15 days of work, a $20 book store gift certificate after 20 days and a $100 bonus after 50 days. That's on top of a daily rate of $80 to $147, depending on experience.

...So, what do most substitutes want? Respect from teachers and principals and the sense they're appreciated, Smith said.

...Marcus Wolfe, 34, of Gurnee, Ill., has been a substitute teacher in six northern Illinois districts and worked about 165 of the school year's 180 days last year. He said the best incentive is a sub-friendly environment, including substitute handbooks, an expectation that teachers will provide lesson plans for subs and frequent interaction with administration and other faculty.

...Subs go through orientation, with lectures on successful classroom management, lesson plans and discipline, a "substitute appreciation week" and a competition for "guest teacher of the year."

..."I had one lady write to me she's been substituting for 15 years, and she said, 'This is the first time any official has thanked me for doing it,"' said program specialist Michael Ballard.

...Still, most principals don't have the resources to do too much hand-holding with subs, Erbach said. "It's unfortunate that we aren't able to do it on a more frequent basis. Day-to-day operations often supersede everything else," Erbach said.
----------------------------------------------

Interesting principal comment: Saying "Thank You" is considered "hand-holding"

Teacher Bribes...

Should teachers be bribed to show up for work?

There is a Texas school district that is contemplating bribes to have teachers not use their sick days when they aren't sick.

School superintendent of a Texas school district, Dr. Larry Lewis, notes that highly qualified teachers have a high absentee rate on Monday and Fridays. He wants to reduce the teacher absentee rate and save the district money buy not paying for substitutes to cover those absent teachers.

Dr. Lewis is calling this program the equivalent of an "incentive or merit pay" system to motivate teachers to not to slack off during the school year.

Dr. Lewis notes that teachers receive 10 sick days per year and cost the district $65-$80/day to replace them with highly qualified substitutes.

His bribe plan:

• "Teachers who miss less than two days can win a $30,000 Cadillac CTS"
• "Other employees can win a 7-day cruise for two"
• "School with the fewest staff days off, wins $50 Wal-Mart gift cards"

Now, I always thought that "incentive or merit pay" was for something above and beyond the usual requirements of the job. Showing up for work when you aren't sick would seem to be "expected" wouldn't it?

If the goal here is to save the money being shelled out to substitutes (10 days/teacher/year), how about a cost savings incentive plan?

Let the teachers "roll over" unused days into the next year? Better yet, allow the teachers to "cash out" unused sick days at 1/2 substitute pay rate.

The district saves 1/2 the money it would have shelled out for "guest teachers" and every healthy teacher gets a yearly bonus.

But at the indicated (high end) substitute rate of $80/day, that would only mean a measly, maximum bonus of $400/year. Clearly too small to be much of an incentive.

Problem solved: Increase the daily sub rate to $100-150/day!
(I bet that Texas substitutes haven't had a rate increase in the last five years).

(...Thanks to Darren of Right on the Left Coast for the find!)

Don't Pee in the Pool!

This is just insane!

The Devil Didn't Make Him Do It...

It was Asperger's!

For the whole story, click-> From the Fox Dallas-Fort Worth News:

"...a former substitute teacher for the Plano School District was on trial Wednesday accused of sexual performance of a child and sexual assault of a child.

His lawyer, John Hardin, said Pearce admitted to taking sexually explicit photos of the 15-year-old girl while working as a substitute teacher at Willams High School.

"Clearly the pictures were taken, but the act of sexual contact we adamantly deny ," Hardin said.

Hardin said Pearce took the pictures because he has Asperger's Syndrome, which affects his social behavior.

---------------------------

I don't really care what this guy's real problem is, he doesn't belong around kids. Starting with this case, I predict a slew of "Asperger defense" strategies in future court cases.


DallasNews UPDATE!!
...A Collin County jury late Tuesday sentenced a former substitute teacher in Plano and Richardson schools to 15 years in prison for taking nude photographs of a 15-year-old student.

...Mr. Pearce – grandson of the late Richardson ISD Superintendent J.J. Pearce, after whom a high school is named – showed no reaction as the sentence was read.

...Mr. Pearce's mother, Linda Pearce, cried throughout her testimony on her son's behalf Tuesday.

"He needs help, and I should have given it to him," she said.

Mr. Pearce's defense attorney argued during the trial that his client had Asperger's syndrome, an autism disorder that affected his ability to read social cues. But Mr. Allen said that Mr. Pearce was an irresponsible teacher who endangered his students.

---------------------------

Evidentially, the jury didn't buy this guys lame defense.

Memorable Escapes...

Another blog (The Man Fan Club) that I read occasionally posed a question:
Why does it always seem like we remember the bad things that happen to us?

His close call with a city civil servant on patrol can be read here: Thankful Moments

I have to admit that he might have a point. Most of the recollections I have encountering officers of the law on the road haven't been the happy kind, but there WAS that one memorable escape...

It was many years ago on a Sunday morning when the national speed limit was still 55mph to "save gas". I was cruising in the center lane on the 101 toward San Francisco without paying attention to the speed.

It was an unusually rare moment in that I was the only car on a nearly empty freeway. Because it was sunny, no traffic in front or on either side, I hadn't been checking the rear view in a while.

When I finally did, I was startled to find a guy tailgating me. Not just some guy but one of those city civil servants on patrol.

Instantly, I check my speed (10mph over. S--T!) and felt my mood instantly sink.

Just as the cop hit the red & blues to pull me over, a nut job in a bright yellow convertible PASSES us both doing 70+ in the left hand lane.

How do you ignore a cop with lights flashing IN FRONT of you?

While I deserved the ticket, He/She deserved one more and there was only one cop on the scene to hand them out.

Dear Slightly Less Valued Substitute…

The substitute teacher information packet arrived Friday afternoon from one of the school districts I used to work for.

“Dear Valued Substitute…

Welcome to the 2007-2008 school year. Substitutes provide a valuable service to the district; one which is essential to the successful operation of our educational programs.

We could not continue our excellent instructional programs without your willingness to substitute in the absence of our regular employees.

We are still actively recruiting substitutes for our district. If you know of someone who is interested… blah, blah, blah….

Once again, welcome to the district for the 2007-2008 school year. We look forward to your participation…”

The only essential piece of information packet info I’m interested in this school year is: daily pay rate that is buried under “general information” toward the end of the “Substitute Teacher Handbook”

Because this district’s previous daily rate was slightly less than a neighboring district, I didn’t work for them very much last year. Instead, I opted to work in the neighboring district for obvious reasons.

It seems that other substitutes were doing the same, because half way through last year this district sent out a notice that they were increasing the daily rate to exactly match their neighbor district.

I guess it didn’t work because the information packet for this coming school year rescinded that increase back to the original rate.

“Dear Slightly Less Valued Substitute…

Welcome to the 2007-2008 school year. Substitutes provide an approximate 4% less valued service to our district; one which is, evidentially, less essential to the successful operation of our educational programs this year.

We found that we COULD continue our excellent instructional programs with your willingness to take a 4% cut in pay to substitute in the absence of our regular, more valuable, employees.

Because we cut your daily pay rate back by 4%, we are saving money but are still actively recruiting clueless substitutes for our district. If you know of someone who doesn’t mind working cheap… blah, blah, blah….

Once again, welcome to the district for the 2007-2008 school year. We look forward to your continued participation…”

I guarantee there will be at least ONE substitute less this year.

Gearing Up For School...

The new school year starts 8/27 and it’s time to gear up to be ready for it.

By “gear up”, I mean that in the literal sense. I was hoping to make it through at least one more year with “school car”, but in the last month or so I seem to have lost 40% of the gears on my manual stick Saturn and it also, desperately, needs new tires.

Try accelerating from the stop light when it goes green while the guy behind you starts honking because you stalled it trying to start in 3^rd gear.

I finally took it in to the local mechanic this week to see just how much damage to the bank account it was going to take to restore 1^st and 2^nd gears.

My dilemma comes down to deciding if I should dump the required cash for repairs to keep it going for another year or attempt to replace it with someone else’s decent ride that might be in better condition for about the same money? If I have transmission problems I know that’s BIG bucks. (…and not FUJI bucks, either)

Luckily, the problem turned out to be a broken shifter. The transmission and clutch are still just fine. It looks like the $250 to get it back functioning is still worth keeping it.

Now I’m crossing my fingers and hoping that “school car” doesn’t get a flat before the first new school year subbing check shows up at the end of September.

If I can hold out for a while maybe I can get me a NEW cheap Tata Motors putt putt.

Carnival of Education -- Issue 129

The 129th issue of Carnival of Education is on the bookshelves right next to that new gardening book that seems very popular these days.

Something about a guy named Harry and his job as a potter.

Math Methods Lead to Madness…

I’m not a lone critic of the push to have elementary schools adopt constructivist math instruction like TERC (pronounced "turk") Investigations or Everyday Mathematics as a replacement for traditional multiplication and division instruction.

Take a look at a few demonstration samples of what I’m talking about:

• (Circle Parts Method) http://youtube.com/watch?v=0GlIx5pztpM
• (Stick Method) http://youtube.com/watch?v=-Jn18MBeibA
• (Lattice Method) http://youtube.com/watch?v=R6uiz8YdA7w

Can you readily explain how and/or why these methods work at a level I can use for 4^rd graders?

Frankly, learning a method without understanding the “how” or more importantly, the “why” is just as cryptic as the one “Ma&Pa Kettle” demonstrates for us:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=5wkK0yHx5Go

Although, I did find this one has potential if it can be demonstrated as reliable and repeatable:

(Calculator method) http://youtube.com/watch?v=owMjAbkU1eE

Hummm…

http://youtube.com/watch?v=w-M8qUbqJjc

128th Carnival of Education

BTW, the map to the 128th Carnival of Education starts here:
http://educationwonk.blogspot.com/2007/07/carnival-of-education-week-128.html

Talented Tot...

America may have some talented people, but Britain has Connie...

glumbert.com - Connie's Got Talent

Being Paranoid?

It's probably just a coincidence that my “Emergency 30-Day Substitute Teacher Permit” arrived in the mail on the same day as someone from the Santa Clara County Office of Education visited the blog.

But then again...

Pray For One Hour?

Lesson plan entry for substitute teacher:
01:00pm - Pray for one hour

She thought is was a typo that might have been:
01:00pm - "Play for one hour"

Nope...

Substitute Teacher Credential Rip-off…

One of the irksome facets of substitute teaching in California, is that I have to renew my “Emergency 30-Day Substitute Teacher Permit” each year to be eligible to work. The renewal fee is about ½ a day’s pay.

I have to pay THEM for the privilege of working and it’s not even deductible.

Murphy Bed Sofa Combo...

We just returned from our timeshare week at the Kaua'i Marriott Beach Club and could bore everyone with the day by day minutia of each fantastic adventure but I shall resist. The pictures in the last post speak for themselves.

The only unique feature worthy of interest (at least to me) is a new take on the "old sofa bed for the guests" feature. We shared our accommodations with my cousin and her husband. They report that the "Murphy bed sofa combo" is a HIT!

See the conversion in action:

On Hiatus Until Further Notice...

There will be few if any postings for a week or so while we go here for a little R&R ->



Brownie points to all (except Gary) who know where this is...

(Click images for fun/sun sized view)

The Real H-1B Visa System...

From BusinessWeek: Outsourcing: How to Skirt the Law
June 22, 2007, 12:01AM EST

------------------------------------------------------------------------
...Want to hire cheaper foreign workers instead of Americans? A lawyer tells you how to game the immigration system—and it's all on YouTube"

"...It's a group of lawyers openly discussing strategies for helping their clients pretend that they're trying to recruit American workers—as required by law—while they, in fact, hire cheaper foreign workers...

"[O]ur goal is clearly not to find a qualified and interested U.S. worker," ... The trick, according to Cohen & Grigsby attorneys, is to only go through the motions of hiring Americans without ever intending to.
..."

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Click the link at the top of this entry to read the entire article.


The practice described in this "training video" isn't top secret. Any engineer in the industry knows how this is done. It's obvious, blatant and common practice.

To hear anyone on the inside actually talk about it in public and allow it to be taped IS amazing.

The only thing driving this flawed H-1B system is money. So how should this flagrant abuse be fixed?

Since the single motive here is money, specifically the disparity in the amount of money required to employ and keep a U.S. hire .vs. an H-1B, the solution is simple.

Eliminate the cost disparity.

Either US workers will have to be willing to work the job at the same wage as H-1B's and also work for reduced company paid benefit packages to equalize the cost of using an H-1B hire.

--or--

The government increases the cost of using an H-1B hire to nullify the cost differential.

Let's have the government eliminate the yearly call for increasing the H-1B quota, charge $1m for each H-1B visa granted and charge a yearly fee of $100k to keep it.

I predict that companies would suddenly find lots and lots of "qualified" U.S. engineers.

This would be a win/win/win solution. More U.S. workers have jobs, the companies that still need imported workers could hire as many H-1B's as they could afford and the government gets a new income source to help offset the budget deficit.

Anyone else have a better idea? Use the comments section and if I see a better solution, I'll append it here.

(I wonder if "Carbon Life Form Offset Credits" would work in this situation? Quick, get Al on the phone!...)

Substitute Teacher - WHY?

I'm convinced that one, more or all of these people HAVE been or ARE substitute teachers.

Final Tally: 2006-2007

Days teaching at specific grade level this year:

K: 2
G1: 4
G2: 4
G3: 5
G4: 15
G5: 32
G6: 23

Total Sub Days for the just completed 2006-07 School Year: 85 days

Since I started subbing Sept/2004, I have a total of 230 days.

Japanese speed drills...

Possible gamers approach to piano instruction? I wonder if it could be adapted to classroom math speed drills...

Importance of Spiel Checkers

The importance of spiel checkers and proof reding. Injoy!...

Thank You …

I have on occasion left the windows down in the car parked in the driveway or have forgotten to close the garage door over night without things being missing the next day.

Not so this time.

To the guy (or guys) who visited my garage sometime in the wee hours of Saturday morning to “borrow” my air compressor, rolling tool box and power tools:

Thank You!

Thanks for not taking either car parked in the garage. (I suppose you might have thought about it if I had left the keys on the seat.)

Thanks for not trashing the rest of the garage just for the hell of it.

Thanks for taking care to not damage either car while rolling my tool box between the cars.

Thanks for reminding me that I need to be more vigilant about locking up at night.

If you do grow out of this phase of your life and become an upstanding citizen, maybe you’ll apply for a teaching position, a job that requires a security clearance or something else that requires a background security check.

The police think they got a few good prints from a second tool box you looked into but didn’t take so maybe someday I can “thank you” in person.

I certainly hope so…

Amazing Amateur Nature Video...

I carry some PBS Nature type videos in my substitute teacher kit for those "just in case" situations when the lesson plan comes up a little short to fill the available class time.

The ones I pick tend to be entertaining insect, plant life and bird behavior type stuff while avoiding any of the more sensational large animal on animal predation action like this one appears to be:

(Don't worry, it comes out ok...in THIS one)

Julie Amero Is Getting a "Do-Over"..

"...Julie Amero is a former Kelly Middle School substitute teacher who, as of June 6th, 2007, has been granted a new trial. After her initial trial, Amero was convicted on January 5th, 2007 in Norwich, Connecticut superior court of four counts of risk of injury to a minor, or impairing the morals of a child."

From Wikipedia, the free eneyelopedia: Julie Amero

So instead of backing down in the face of common sense and overwhelming expert evidence to the contrary, we're going to have a "Do-Over" trial.

I hope Julie counter sues for court costs and damages...

End of Year Lesson Plans …

Substitute teaching the last couple weeks involves less and less actual book work. Instead we have lots more busy worksheets, videos and extended unstructured PE…another word for recess for almost two hours.

This last week we also have:

• Square dancing (4^th graders)
• Seat moving day (5^th graders)…WHY with just two weeks left?
• Timed Sudoku for prizes (6^th graders)
• We have movies, lots and lots of movies

Least Favored School…

EG8-G6

I got a late call, half day assignment for 6^th grade this afternoon. I wasn’t too sure I wanted to take it because it was for one of my least favorite schools. I’m not sure what it is about this school but I haven’t had much luck with classroom control here. But Monday was a holiday and I hadn’t had any luck in picking up a class yesterday so I took a chance today to see if my bias was still valid.

The principal was running the class when I arrived. Twenty girls and ten boys. I was to be with them for only about two total classroom hours today.

Right from the start, one boy, S---- was in my face, bouncing off the walls, interrupting and interacting with other kids in class.

He was literally absorbing, extruding, evacuating and sucking all my attention and patience to just try and keep him from disrupting the whole class.

Early on I learned not to let students leave their seat to ask me questions. Unless they are seated and raise their hand first, I don’t acknowledge them. If they approach, I cut them off with: “Is this the proper way to ask me any questions? Back to your seat, raise hand and I’ll come to you when I can.”

It sometimes takes two or three repetitions to get everyone onboard but it’s necessary. If I don’t, I discover myself surrounded by kids firing endless questions while the rest of the class is walking around the classroom all day.

S---- literally could not perform this simple instruction.

Whenever he would shout out some inane, off topic question he was always walking half way to the front of the room. Each time I would make him walk back to his seat and only address his question when his hand was raised.

An hour later I was happy to escape to the teachers lounge while they went to lunch.

One of the other teachers asked how my day was going. I told her it might be a lot better if I could just get rid of one kid. She knew right away who I was referring to.

She clued me into this kid’s problems. He has ADHD and Asperger’s syndrome. He has a one-on-one aide to be with him in class. He has a whole slew of stuff he’s allowed to do in class that the other kids aren’t. He’s allowed to chew gum to help him concentrate and use a special mechanical pencil so he doesn’t eat the wooden ones. It seems that S---- has a long five year history with school staff and everyone except unsuspecting substitute teachers know about his condition.

When I commented that I hadn’t seen the aide in class today, she told me he’s only with the aide for two hours…in the morning.

None of this information was in the special instructions on the sub assignment line or in the lesson plan. Coming in, I’m thinking this kid just has a mongo case of WAS.

After lunch, I tried a bribe. I had a recent issue of Car and Driver magazine in my backpack and offered it to S---- to keep if he could sit quietly for just five minutes so I could go over the instructions for the science test. He indicated that he could, but within two minutes he’s literally banging his head on the table and barking like a dog. I called the office for someone to get him before he hurt himself.

He resisted leaving but finally left while loudly protesting to the office staff lady that it was everyone else in class that got him into trouble. “It wasn’t my fault!!”

Twenty minutes into the science test, the principal calls to ask for two of the boys to come to the office relating to the S---- situation. It seems that S---- is making claims that these two were responsible for getting him into trouble.

When I asked if they could come down after the test, he said “No, they need to come down now.”

No questions for me about how this kid was acting in class? This school will remain on my “least favored” list for another year.

Not Everything We Learn In School …

Claudette and I were visiting our grandkids, Paige and Nathan, this weekend. At 2 ½, our first granddaughter, Paige, is well into the cute mastery of baby speech and inventive communication that Grammie and I adore.

We hung around long enough to be invited to stay for pizza from their favorite pie house. When the pizza arrived, everyone seated and everyone served, Paige spotted the two packets of mild hot sauce that came with the pizza.

“Paigie have dippin’ sauce too?”

Momma tried explaining, without much success, that the “sauce” wasn’t the same as the stuff from the local McD’s, and it wasn’t good for little girls.

“It’s too hot and tastes icky!” Momma said while making a sour face.

But Paige was not to be dissuaded. After several pouty demands for “sauce”, Momma finally relented.

Daddy squeezed a thimble size blob of “sauce” on the plate while Paige, happily, bounced up and down in her chair.

The rest of the adults at the table, baby brother could care less, stopped eating while we watched our precious little girl pick up a bite size piece of veggie pizza and carefully dip and take the first bite.

“Ummm”… followed by a surprised look… followed by a wide eyed look… as she put the rest of pizza piece back on the plate and reached with both hands toward Momma whose hands were full with baby brother.

As momma instructed “Drink some milk, sweetie” Paige quickly obeyed.

“That works!” and before Daddy could stop her, she picked up another piece of pizza, dipped it in the sauce and popped it once more in her mouth.

“HOT again!” while she grabbed up the pink plastic milk cup again.

About to repeat the process a third time, Daddy intervened and removed her plate in exchange for a clean one without “hot sauce”.

“Wipe your face, sweetie” instructed Momma and she spotted a couple bits of cheese and avocado on Paige’s chin.

Obediently, Paige used a big napkin and dutifully wiped. She paused and then stuck out her little pink tongue began wiping it repeatedly with the napkin as the “heat” was still plainly evident.

"That's my daughter!" Daddy, who has an affinity for Hananero stuffed olives, proudly announced.

Need a Good Laugh?

They say laughter is contagious. Let’s try it times four…

Well? Is it?

NHL and Global Warming...

Interesting documentary dealing with the Global Warming Hockey Stick graph. Good news! The Stanley Cup playoffs won't be melted out!

(Go Ducks!)

Run time: 44 minutes

Julie Delayed Again...

Sentencing for Julie Amero, the former substitute teacher convicted of exposing seventh-grade students at Kelly Middle School in Norwich to pornographic images was postponed again (#4 ??) until June 6th.

I wonder if this sets some kind of record for sentencing postponements?

That school is SO screwed...

I Don't Get It...

I think I had this guy in one of the 6th grade classes I subbed this year...

I Don’t Now...

Exactly one month till summer break. STAR testing is complete the kids aren’t really into class work anymore this year.

The only activity of substance for this 6th grade class today was a history test on China. The lesson allowed 15 minutes for the students have a personal or table group review of the section and then 45 minutes to take and complete the two page test.

Unlike the multiple choice answer selections for the majority of the test, the last two questions require a written answer to the question. Something about why emperor “so-and-so” (I forgot the name) implemented a civil service test for people applying for positions in the government.

“I don’t get it!”

This is from one boy in the back, so I circle around to ask just what he “doesn’t get”.

Me: What is it that you “don’t get”?
Kid: The whole thing, pointing to the last two essay questions.

Me: Did you read about “Emperor so-and-so”?
Kid: Yea.

Me: Did you read anything about a “civil service” test?
Kid: Yea, I think so.

Me: So why did he want the people to take a civil service test?
Kid: I don’t know…

Me: Do you know what a civil service test is?
Kid: No.

Me: Then write that.
Kid: Write what?

Me: Write “I don’t know”
Kid: Ok…
(Kid writes “I don’t now”) for both the remaining two questions.

Me: (sigh) When will you?
Kid: Will what?
Me: You wrote “I don’t now”. Does that mean you will know “later”?
Kid: Ohhhh….

(Kid erases “now”, and prints “no”)

Tuned out, checked out, and just plain “out”…

For Math Geeks...

Took the day off, so for the other fellow math geeks out there we have...

(For those who want to sing along, here are the lyrics)

Teacher's prank goes too far...

From the Tennessean.com story:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MURFREESBORO — Parents of students at a Scales Elementary school in Murfreesboro Tennessee are outraged that teachers and an assistant principal staged a phony gun attack on their children, telling them repeatedly it was not a drill, while the children cried and took shelter under tables.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Click the link above for the whole story but this school should be awarded an honorable mention Group Darwin Award of Education.

Stop Signal Seminar (SSS) …

Five weeks left in this school year and all the kids already seemed to have checked out.

Friday was the completion of a two day stint in the “stacked deck” 6^th grade. This teacher must have pissed someone off because 25% of this class was stacked with KWA’s ( Kids With Attitude) …and not the good kind!

A teacher at break time inquired: “how’s it goin”? I mentioned that some of them were trying real hard to see how far to push. The teacher rattled off a list of names guessing which ones were the pushers.

She got six of them right.

By 11:00am, I had enough of the “fist pounding”, “rolly-eye-gasps” and “ahh-MAN’s” I could stand from one of the ring leaders. I booted him to the principle’s office with a phone call for “disrespectful attitude in class”.

At this point I decided to give a little seminar. I explained that since not many, in particular “rolly-eyes”, seem to be able to read my mood today, I should make it very clear when you are about to cross a line.

“If I say ‘STOP’ and you continue whatever it is that you are doing, then you are out the door to follow ‘rolly-eyes’. Does everyone UNDERSTAND that?”

Lots of quiet and head nodding verified that I seemed to have communicated my message of the day.

Later at lunch, I thanked the principle for his help in handling “rolly-eyes”. He told me it wasn’t a problem and he totally understood that sometimes you have to make a sacrificial example of one kid to show you mean business.

I’m glad that this district seems to have school administrators that help rather than hinder classroom management.

Rolly-eyes rejoined us after lunch and I had to repeat my “SSS” so he couldn’t claim ignorance.

It wasn’t long after when he started to act up and I looked him dead in the eye and quietly said “Stop”.

It almost appeared that he was going to ignore me when his posse, who seemed to be faster on the uptake, intervened and said: “Dude! He said “Stop”! He’s not playin!”

There was a momentary pause but rolly-eyes backed down with a final hostile stare. We now had us an understanding for the rest of the day.

I believe that I’ll be adding my “Stop Signal Seminar” to the regular repertoire, when needed, in future assignments.

Troubles solved at the 118th Carnival of Education...

Well the wife is off on a 16 day tour to Nice/Provence/Paris tonight so my problem for the next two weeks is...

"Do I learn how to operate the washing machine or just go buy extra underwear?"

Maybe I can discover an answer to my dilemma over at the troubled NYC Educator as this week's host of the Carnival of Education issue 118.

This Week’s Fine Whines…

Do we gotta?
What are we doing now?
What are we gonna do next?
We already did that!
The teacher doesn’t do it that way!

Can I go to the bathroom?
Can I get a drink?

I don’t get it!
I STILL don’t get it!
What page are we on?

It’s almost time for recess!
Can we have extra recess time?
It’s almost time for lunch!
You know we go to lunch early, right?

Do we hafta ___?
Why do we hafta ___?

He hit me!
She won’t stop bothering me!
He said a bad word!
What homework were we s’posta do?

I don’t have anything to read!
I don’t wanna read!
It’s too hard!
This book is boring!

I don’t have a pencil!
I don’t have a piece of paper!
How many sentences does the paragraph have to be?
Can we work in groups? (Followed by…) Why not??
Is this going to count?

Did you just write my name down?

Today's Science Lesson on Spiders...

Spider-Man III sneak preview? Arachnophobia?