Substitute Teacher - WHY?

I'm convinced that one, more or all of these people HAVE been or ARE substitute teachers.

Final Tally: 2006-2007

Days teaching at specific grade level this year:

K: 2
G1: 4
G2: 4
G3: 5
G4: 15
G5: 32
G6: 23

Total Sub Days for the just completed 2006-07 School Year: 85 days

Since I started subbing Sept/2004, I have a total of 230 days.

Japanese speed drills...

Possible gamers approach to piano instruction? I wonder if it could be adapted to classroom math speed drills...

Importance of Spiel Checkers

The importance of spiel checkers and proof reding. Injoy!...

Thank You …

I have on occasion left the windows down in the car parked in the driveway or have forgotten to close the garage door over night without things being missing the next day.

Not so this time.

To the guy (or guys) who visited my garage sometime in the wee hours of Saturday morning to “borrow” my air compressor, rolling tool box and power tools:

Thank You!

Thanks for not taking either car parked in the garage. (I suppose you might have thought about it if I had left the keys on the seat.)

Thanks for not trashing the rest of the garage just for the hell of it.

Thanks for taking care to not damage either car while rolling my tool box between the cars.

Thanks for reminding me that I need to be more vigilant about locking up at night.

If you do grow out of this phase of your life and become an upstanding citizen, maybe you’ll apply for a teaching position, a job that requires a security clearance or something else that requires a background security check.

The police think they got a few good prints from a second tool box you looked into but didn’t take so maybe someday I can “thank you” in person.

I certainly hope so…

Amazing Amateur Nature Video...

I carry some PBS Nature type videos in my substitute teacher kit for those "just in case" situations when the lesson plan comes up a little short to fill the available class time.

The ones I pick tend to be entertaining insect, plant life and bird behavior type stuff while avoiding any of the more sensational large animal on animal predation action like this one appears to be:

(Don't worry, it comes out ok...in THIS one)

Julie Amero Is Getting a "Do-Over"..

"...Julie Amero is a former Kelly Middle School substitute teacher who, as of June 6th, 2007, has been granted a new trial. After her initial trial, Amero was convicted on January 5th, 2007 in Norwich, Connecticut superior court of four counts of risk of injury to a minor, or impairing the morals of a child."

From Wikipedia, the free eneyelopedia: Julie Amero

So instead of backing down in the face of common sense and overwhelming expert evidence to the contrary, we're going to have a "Do-Over" trial.

I hope Julie counter sues for court costs and damages...

End of Year Lesson Plans …

Substitute teaching the last couple weeks involves less and less actual book work. Instead we have lots more busy worksheets, videos and extended unstructured PE…another word for recess for almost two hours.

This last week we also have:

• Square dancing (4^th graders)
• Seat moving day (5^th graders)…WHY with just two weeks left?
• Timed Sudoku for prizes (6^th graders)
• We have movies, lots and lots of movies

Least Favored School…

EG8-G6

I got a late call, half day assignment for 6^th grade this afternoon. I wasn’t too sure I wanted to take it because it was for one of my least favorite schools. I’m not sure what it is about this school but I haven’t had much luck with classroom control here. But Monday was a holiday and I hadn’t had any luck in picking up a class yesterday so I took a chance today to see if my bias was still valid.

The principal was running the class when I arrived. Twenty girls and ten boys. I was to be with them for only about two total classroom hours today.

Right from the start, one boy, S---- was in my face, bouncing off the walls, interrupting and interacting with other kids in class.

He was literally absorbing, extruding, evacuating and sucking all my attention and patience to just try and keep him from disrupting the whole class.

Early on I learned not to let students leave their seat to ask me questions. Unless they are seated and raise their hand first, I don’t acknowledge them. If they approach, I cut them off with: “Is this the proper way to ask me any questions? Back to your seat, raise hand and I’ll come to you when I can.”

It sometimes takes two or three repetitions to get everyone onboard but it’s necessary. If I don’t, I discover myself surrounded by kids firing endless questions while the rest of the class is walking around the classroom all day.

S---- literally could not perform this simple instruction.

Whenever he would shout out some inane, off topic question he was always walking half way to the front of the room. Each time I would make him walk back to his seat and only address his question when his hand was raised.

An hour later I was happy to escape to the teachers lounge while they went to lunch.

One of the other teachers asked how my day was going. I told her it might be a lot better if I could just get rid of one kid. She knew right away who I was referring to.

She clued me into this kid’s problems. He has ADHD and Asperger’s syndrome. He has a one-on-one aide to be with him in class. He has a whole slew of stuff he’s allowed to do in class that the other kids aren’t. He’s allowed to chew gum to help him concentrate and use a special mechanical pencil so he doesn’t eat the wooden ones. It seems that S---- has a long five year history with school staff and everyone except unsuspecting substitute teachers know about his condition.

When I commented that I hadn’t seen the aide in class today, she told me he’s only with the aide for two hours…in the morning.

None of this information was in the special instructions on the sub assignment line or in the lesson plan. Coming in, I’m thinking this kid just has a mongo case of WAS.

After lunch, I tried a bribe. I had a recent issue of Car and Driver magazine in my backpack and offered it to S---- to keep if he could sit quietly for just five minutes so I could go over the instructions for the science test. He indicated that he could, but within two minutes he’s literally banging his head on the table and barking like a dog. I called the office for someone to get him before he hurt himself.

He resisted leaving but finally left while loudly protesting to the office staff lady that it was everyone else in class that got him into trouble. “It wasn’t my fault!!”

Twenty minutes into the science test, the principal calls to ask for two of the boys to come to the office relating to the S---- situation. It seems that S---- is making claims that these two were responsible for getting him into trouble.

When I asked if they could come down after the test, he said “No, they need to come down now.”

No questions for me about how this kid was acting in class? This school will remain on my “least favored” list for another year.

Not Everything We Learn In School …

Claudette and I were visiting our grandkids, Paige and Nathan, this weekend. At 2 ½, our first granddaughter, Paige, is well into the cute mastery of baby speech and inventive communication that Grammie and I adore.

We hung around long enough to be invited to stay for pizza from their favorite pie house. When the pizza arrived, everyone seated and everyone served, Paige spotted the two packets of mild hot sauce that came with the pizza.

“Paigie have dippin’ sauce too?”

Momma tried explaining, without much success, that the “sauce” wasn’t the same as the stuff from the local McD’s, and it wasn’t good for little girls.

“It’s too hot and tastes icky!” Momma said while making a sour face.

But Paige was not to be dissuaded. After several pouty demands for “sauce”, Momma finally relented.

Daddy squeezed a thimble size blob of “sauce” on the plate while Paige, happily, bounced up and down in her chair.

The rest of the adults at the table, baby brother could care less, stopped eating while we watched our precious little girl pick up a bite size piece of veggie pizza and carefully dip and take the first bite.

“Ummm”… followed by a surprised look… followed by a wide eyed look… as she put the rest of pizza piece back on the plate and reached with both hands toward Momma whose hands were full with baby brother.

As momma instructed “Drink some milk, sweetie” Paige quickly obeyed.

“That works!” and before Daddy could stop her, she picked up another piece of pizza, dipped it in the sauce and popped it once more in her mouth.

“HOT again!” while she grabbed up the pink plastic milk cup again.

About to repeat the process a third time, Daddy intervened and removed her plate in exchange for a clean one without “hot sauce”.

“Wipe your face, sweetie” instructed Momma and she spotted a couple bits of cheese and avocado on Paige’s chin.

Obediently, Paige used a big napkin and dutifully wiped. She paused and then stuck out her little pink tongue began wiping it repeatedly with the napkin as the “heat” was still plainly evident.

"That's my daughter!" Daddy, who has an affinity for Hananero stuffed olives, proudly announced.

Need a Good Laugh?

They say laughter is contagious. Let’s try it times four…

Well? Is it?

NHL and Global Warming...

Interesting documentary dealing with the Global Warming Hockey Stick graph. Good news! The Stanley Cup playoffs won't be melted out!

(Go Ducks!)

Run time: 44 minutes

Julie Delayed Again...

Sentencing for Julie Amero, the former substitute teacher convicted of exposing seventh-grade students at Kelly Middle School in Norwich to pornographic images was postponed again (#4 ??) until June 6th.

I wonder if this sets some kind of record for sentencing postponements?

That school is SO screwed...

I Don't Get It...

I think I had this guy in one of the 6th grade classes I subbed this year...

I Don’t Now...

Exactly one month till summer break. STAR testing is complete the kids aren’t really into class work anymore this year.

The only activity of substance for this 6th grade class today was a history test on China. The lesson allowed 15 minutes for the students have a personal or table group review of the section and then 45 minutes to take and complete the two page test.

Unlike the multiple choice answer selections for the majority of the test, the last two questions require a written answer to the question. Something about why emperor “so-and-so” (I forgot the name) implemented a civil service test for people applying for positions in the government.

“I don’t get it!”

This is from one boy in the back, so I circle around to ask just what he “doesn’t get”.

Me: What is it that you “don’t get”?
Kid: The whole thing, pointing to the last two essay questions.

Me: Did you read about “Emperor so-and-so”?
Kid: Yea.

Me: Did you read anything about a “civil service” test?
Kid: Yea, I think so.

Me: So why did he want the people to take a civil service test?
Kid: I don’t know…

Me: Do you know what a civil service test is?
Kid: No.

Me: Then write that.
Kid: Write what?

Me: Write “I don’t know”
Kid: Ok…
(Kid writes “I don’t now”) for both the remaining two questions.

Me: (sigh) When will you?
Kid: Will what?
Me: You wrote “I don’t now”. Does that mean you will know “later”?
Kid: Ohhhh….

(Kid erases “now”, and prints “no”)

Tuned out, checked out, and just plain “out”…

For Math Geeks...

Took the day off, so for the other fellow math geeks out there we have...

(For those who want to sing along, here are the lyrics)

Teacher's prank goes too far...

From the Tennessean.com story:

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MURFREESBORO — Parents of students at a Scales Elementary school in Murfreesboro Tennessee are outraged that teachers and an assistant principal staged a phony gun attack on their children, telling them repeatedly it was not a drill, while the children cried and took shelter under tables.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Click the link above for the whole story but this school should be awarded an honorable mention Group Darwin Award of Education.

Stop Signal Seminar (SSS) …

Five weeks left in this school year and all the kids already seemed to have checked out.

Friday was the completion of a two day stint in the “stacked deck” 6^th grade. This teacher must have pissed someone off because 25% of this class was stacked with KWA’s ( Kids With Attitude) …and not the good kind!

A teacher at break time inquired: “how’s it goin”? I mentioned that some of them were trying real hard to see how far to push. The teacher rattled off a list of names guessing which ones were the pushers.

She got six of them right.

By 11:00am, I had enough of the “fist pounding”, “rolly-eye-gasps” and “ahh-MAN’s” I could stand from one of the ring leaders. I booted him to the principle’s office with a phone call for “disrespectful attitude in class”.

At this point I decided to give a little seminar. I explained that since not many, in particular “rolly-eyes”, seem to be able to read my mood today, I should make it very clear when you are about to cross a line.

“If I say ‘STOP’ and you continue whatever it is that you are doing, then you are out the door to follow ‘rolly-eyes’. Does everyone UNDERSTAND that?”

Lots of quiet and head nodding verified that I seemed to have communicated my message of the day.

Later at lunch, I thanked the principle for his help in handling “rolly-eyes”. He told me it wasn’t a problem and he totally understood that sometimes you have to make a sacrificial example of one kid to show you mean business.

I’m glad that this district seems to have school administrators that help rather than hinder classroom management.

Rolly-eyes rejoined us after lunch and I had to repeat my “SSS” so he couldn’t claim ignorance.

It wasn’t long after when he started to act up and I looked him dead in the eye and quietly said “Stop”.

It almost appeared that he was going to ignore me when his posse, who seemed to be faster on the uptake, intervened and said: “Dude! He said “Stop”! He’s not playin!”

There was a momentary pause but rolly-eyes backed down with a final hostile stare. We now had us an understanding for the rest of the day.

I believe that I’ll be adding my “Stop Signal Seminar” to the regular repertoire, when needed, in future assignments.

Troubles solved at the 118th Carnival of Education...

Well the wife is off on a 16 day tour to Nice/Provence/Paris tonight so my problem for the next two weeks is...

"Do I learn how to operate the washing machine or just go buy extra underwear?"

Maybe I can discover an answer to my dilemma over at the troubled NYC Educator as this week's host of the Carnival of Education issue 118.

This Week’s Fine Whines…

Do we gotta?
What are we doing now?
What are we gonna do next?
We already did that!
The teacher doesn’t do it that way!

Can I go to the bathroom?
Can I get a drink?

I don’t get it!
I STILL don’t get it!
What page are we on?

It’s almost time for recess!
Can we have extra recess time?
It’s almost time for lunch!
You know we go to lunch early, right?

Do we hafta ___?
Why do we hafta ___?

He hit me!
She won’t stop bothering me!
He said a bad word!
What homework were we s’posta do?

I don’t have anything to read!
I don’t wanna read!
It’s too hard!
This book is boring!

I don’t have a pencil!
I don’t have a piece of paper!
How many sentences does the paragraph have to be?
Can we work in groups? (Followed by…) Why not??
Is this going to count?

Did you just write my name down?

Today's Science Lesson on Spiders...

Spider-Man III sneak preview? Arachnophobia?

I Get Letters...

Had a good time in last Friday's 3rd grade class...



Third graders are still in the "we like school" mode...

Court of Common Sense…

Have you ever read the warning list of disclaimers on ladders, microwaves and anything else you’ve ever purchased? You just know that all the stupid things they warn against is the result of someone suing for doing something stupid.

For years I have felt there should be some way to reject all those groundless, baseless, obviously wrong, money and time wasting legal exercises of our sometimes peculiar legal system.

Anyone can sue for anything.

• Got fat while eating fast food? Sue!
• Got cancer after smoking for twenty years when common sense should tell you it’s not good for you? Sue!
• Got hurt on a ladder while standing in a pig pen full of slippery pig-poo? Sue!
• Tried to dry your cat in the microwave? Sue!
• Pick up an old computer in the trash and it doesn’t work right? Sue!
• I’m stupid so it's someone else’s fault?, Sue!

Winning or defending against a suit is a time consuming and expensive process. Most of the time it seems that whoever hired the better liar lawyer, is the one who comes out on top. Other times, jury selection seems less like a “jury of your peers” and more like a “jury of the most gullible and/or uninformed”.

I have long felt that there should be some process to weed out the obvious.

Maybe a “Court of Common Sense” whose job it is to pre-examine the facts and accusations of selected lawsuits to decide if it passes the smell test of “common sense” before allowing it to proceed farther up the legal food chain.

Possibility a panel of individuals, generally considered to be “rational and relatively intelligent”, would by majority vote decide if a legal filing is reasonable enough proceed or be rejected on the grounds as “just plain stupid”. I’ll forego any ideas, for the moment, of how the selection of “rational and relatively intelligent people” should be accomplished, but I’m not ready to give up on the idea.

In the case of Julie Amero and the recently announced third sentencing delay, it appears that there are so many things wrong with the original indictment that the D.A. and the court seem to be looking for ways to just make it all go away while saving as much face as possible.

I’m sure if my “Court of Common Sense” currently existed; the case would have been dispatched long before it ever reached the level a trial let alone the conviction and possible 40yr. jail sentence.

My “Court of Common Sense” would have surely concluded, before indictment, that computer porn pop-ups are a fact of life these days and Julie was just the innocent, victim bystander of the day.

My “Court of Common Sense” would have had the school “Say sorry” to Julie and maybe send her home with some instruction on what to do with the computer next time if it ever happened again.

My “Court of Common Sense” might also suggest the school remove the computer from the classroom until they get someone competent enough to maintain the computer with up-to-date software.

Case dismissed…

Nothing Much Happenin'...

Evidently I'm on "vacation".
No calls this week.
So let's see what's on the ole' YouTube...


"What am I going to do??? I could always design software!..."
--Paddlin' Peggy

Holy S---!

Literally!!
--------------------
MUMBAI (Reuters) - Indian teachers sprinkled cow urine on low-caste students to purify them and drive away evil, reports said on Saturday, in a country where millions of people remain oppressed at the bottom of the ancient Hindu caste system.

Upper-caste headteacher Sharad Kaithade ordered the ritual after taking over from a lower-caste predecessor at a school in a remote village in the western state of Maharashtra earlier this month, the Times of India reported.

He told an upper-caste colleague to spray cow urine in a cleansing ceremony as the students were taking an examination, wetting their faces and their answer sheets, the newspaper said.

"She said you'll study well after getting purified," student Rajat Washnik was quoted as saying by the CNN-IBN news channel.

Students said they felt humiliated.
--------------------

Substitute lesson plan for the day:
1) Take roll and lunch count
2) Pass out the test papers
3) Sprinkle a little cow urine...

What’s Yer Job?…

Spring break has ended and the sub-season has reopened. No call on Monday and I missed the first call on Tuesday. I didn’t mind missing the Tuesday call. I was feeling down about sending checks for taxes owed to Uncle Sam and Gov. Terminator.

I did sub one 6^th grade and two 5^th grades on Wed, Thur and Friday. The lesson plans for all three assignments were all pretty much “time killers” and not much in the way of any actual educational substance. As a result, my personal pain threshold to in class noise is considerably higher than it was two weeks ago. Maybe it’s just my personal apathy this time of the year.

The only note worthy comment came from one boy in Thursday’s 5^th grade class. Evidentially, they’ve only had “girl” subs before me.

Kid: What’s yer job?
Me: What do you mean? I’m the substitute teacher.

Kid: No, I mean your REAL job?
Me: You don’t think “substitute teacher” is a REAL job?

Kid: What I mean is…the other substitutes are “Moms”. So I just thought you took the day off from work to come in to be the substitute.

It’s a simplistic yet somehow insightful view of my job from a 5^th grader and not too far off the mark. A “Dad” with a “real job” COULD, if he was crazy enough, take the day off work and do my job. It’s not quite how I started doing this but it’s not impossible.

Substitute teaching doesn’t require any “substitute teacher” training, apprenticeship or instruction manual. It’s all OJT (On the Job Training) from day one.

It DOES help, though, to BE a Dad (or a Mom) when it comes to handling kids. But that is a different OJT job in itself.

115th Carnival of Education...

Take a coaster ride with Dy/Dan as this week's host of the Carnival of Education episode 115.

Springfield Substitutes...

114th Carnival of Education...

The midway to the 114th Carnival of Education is open for business. "Hop" on over (Easter vacation, get it?) and see what hidden Easter eggs of information you can find.

Four R’s…

G6

I was in the local Costco yesterday with discount coupon book in hand looking for the $2.00 off two-pack of Reynolds Wrap Quality Aluminum Foil when I heard someone call out “Hi, Mr. Homework!!” It’s still Spring Break so I wasn’t expecting to interact with any school kids until next week.

Momentarily stunned, I turned and looked at a happy cheerful smile of the typical “generic” 6^th grader. Now I sub in two different school districts, seven grade levels, an average of three classrooms at each grade level and an average of thirty kids per class so of course I didn’t recognize her and had to subject myself to confessing as much.

She told me the school (nope, not yet). The class (getting warmer…). Her teacher's name Mr. Fuji --- (BINGO!).

Me: “Now I remember your class. It’s the class with all the jobs, right?”
Her: “…and the bet” she added helpfully.

I DID remember this class and their teacher Mr. Fuji . I wrote some notes about that class that I had meant to use in a post about this amazing teacher and his classroom concept but hadn’t yet gotten around to doing it.

I first met Mr. Fuji in the teachers lounge at lunch a week before the assignment. He mentioned that he needed a sub and wanted to know if I was available. Before accepting, I jokingly asked if he had a “good class”. Mr. Fuji bet me that they would be on their best behavior or he would give me $100 if they got anything less than a good report from me. Evidentially, he had warned his class about the $100 bet and he didn’t want to pay up.

Now that’s a confident teacher.

On morning of the assignment, it only took me a few minutes to go over the lesson plan and materials. Mr. Fuji is super organized and detailed.

Fifteen minutes before class there was a knock and and a head peeking around the door.
“Can I come in to do desk checking? It’s my job!”

Now, I have been in lots of classes at all levels where the kids have “jobs”. Line leader, paper passer, homework checker, phone secretary are the familiar kid type jobs that I recognize. “Desk Checker” (DC) was a new one for me and prompted the following dialog:

Me: Just what does a desk checker do?
DC: I check each desk to make sure the books are neat, no junk on the floor and no garbage on the top.

Me: …and if you find something wrong?
DC: They get a fine of $10FB (Fuji Bucks) which I split with Mr. Fuji

After a few more minutes of Q/A with Mr. DC, I discovered that Mr. Fuji rents the school desks to the students for $20FB/mo.

Evidentially, in addition to the standard Three R’s of education, Mr. Fuji adds a dose of a fourth ‘R’ as in “Real Life”.

Throughout the rest of the day, I was able to delve deeper into how intricately this classroom society operates.

There are two class accountants that maintain student checking accounts for each kid on the teacher’s computer. The kids all have homemade wallets where they carry their spare $FB spending money and ALL the kids have one or more jobs to pay their desk rent.

Mr. Fuji requires the kids submit written job applications to the class CEO to apply for any one or more of 41 designated classroom jobs.

Job pay scales differ according to difficulty, responsibility and time. Some jobs, like “desk checker” are on a commission basis. Commissioned income is split 50/50 with Mr. Fuji .

There are no tenured jobs (sorry teachers) and the CEO can hire/fire the employees for bad job performance or misuse of job authority. This keeps the “Desk Checker” from padding his take with excessive fines.

Mr. Fuji can hire/fire the CEO if abuse of power or favoritism becomes a problem.

In addition to “desk rent”, FBucks are used bathroom breaks, water breaks, new pencils and other small classroom supplies.

FBucks can also be used for daily rent one of four cushy, swivel chairs at $5FB/day, buy an empty spare desk for $200FB as an alternate personal desk or rent it out to other kids at $20FB/mo.

A couple of times during the year, Mr. Fuji will hold a swap meet where the kids can buy, sell or trade their personal stuff from home with their parent’s permission and an end of year party where remaining $FB can be used for food and drink.

(Mr. Fuji told me that he started requiring “parent notes” for all items after an incident where one kid brought his Dad’s CD collection to a swap meet without asking…)

Class Job List and weekly pay rate (C is commission)

Zoo Keeper	15	Waste Management	5
Zoo Keeper Asst.	5	Games	5
Newspaper Editor	100	Recycling	5
Gardener	15	Attendance	5
AR Chart Monitor	15	Tutors	C
Filer	15	Paper Distributors	10
Bench Monitor	25	Maid/Butler	15
Librarian	10	Ball Monitor	5
Door Monitor	5	Tardy Monitor	C
Grade Book	75	Substitute	10
Homework Checker	35	Floor Checker	C
Accountant	75	Addenda Checker	10
Accountant Asst	35	Student of the Week	15
Phone	35	Personal Reminder	15
Dictionary Monitor	10	DOL Monitor	20
A/C Monitor	5	CEO	50
Computer Monitor	20	Art Bin Monitor	C
Secretary	C	HW Board	15
Desk Checker	C	Handouts	5
Personal Asst	50	Kinder Bus Monitor	5
Classroom Nurse	5

My final query of the day asked the ultimate “What if?” question.

Me: What if someone doesn’t have enough to pay their desk rent?
Class: They can borrow from a friend or the bank.

Me: What if someone doesn’t want to do a job and refuses to pay rent?
Class: Then they are on “welfare” and we all have to chip in and pay the rent for them.

(This question evidentially hit a sore point with the system as following comments got louder)

Class: It’s not fair! My dad doesn’t have to pay for someone else’s welfare from his job.
Me: Oh, no? What do you think some of the State and Federal income taxes do?

Class dismissed!...
P.S. Mr. Fuji got to keep his $100

Nobody Will Forget This Lesson...

I was sure the following was just another urban legend until I checked it out on Snopes.com

-----

In September of 2005, a social studies schoolteacher from Arkansas did something not to be forgotten. On the first day of school, with permission of the school superintendent, the principal, and the building supervisor, she took all of the desks out of the classroom. The kids came into first period, they walked in; there were no desks. They obviously looked around and said, "Where's our desks?"

The teacher said, "You can't have a desk until you tell me how you earn them."

They thought, "Well, maybe it's our grades."

"No," she said.

"Maybe it's our behavior."

And she told them, "No, it's not even your behavior."

And so they came and went in the first period, still no desks in the classroom. Second period, same thing. Third period. By early afternoon television news crews had gathered in the class to find out about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of the classroom. The last period of the day, the instructor gathered her class.

They were at this time sitting on the floor around the sides of the room. She said, "Throughout the day no one has really understood how you earn the desks that sit in this classroom ordinarily. Now I'm going to tell you."

She went over to the door of her classroom and opened it, and as she did 27 U.S. veterans, wearing their uniforms, walked into that classroom, each one carrying a school desk. And they placed those school desks in rows, and then they stood along the wall. By the time they had finished placing the desks, those kids for the first time I think perhaps in their lives understood how they earned those desks.

Their teacher said, "You don't have to earn those desks. These guys did it for you. They put them out there for you, but it's up to you to sit here responsibly, to learn, to be good students and good citizens, because they paid a price for you to have that desk, and don't ever forget it."

-----

Pre-Teen Tattle Tales…

G6

If there’s anything worse than Kindergarten tattlers, it’s got to be tattling 6^th graders. The group I had today was infested with them.

All day I heard:

“Can you tell him/her to stop bugging me?…”
“She said…”
"He said…”
“She did…”
“He did…”

Now I expect it from Kindergarten and 1^st graders, but it’s especially irksome the older they get. The kicker was during the last half hour “free time” before the dismissal bell, when one boy runs up to me with urgent, important information:

Stud: Can you go tell Monica to stop telling rumors that I “like” her?
Me: Why?

Stud: Because it’s not true!
Me: …and this is causing problems how?

Stud: Because my girl friend believes it and is mad at me now!
Me: How old are you?

Stud: “Twelve”, he replies with a smirkin’ grin.
(…insert my long, astonished look here…)

Me: Oh, just go away…

Boy, am I glad it’s a minimum day and the start of Spring break week...

More Bad Kid Names...

From the AP: Couple Fights to Name Baby "Metallica"

"... STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Metallica may be a cool name for a heavy metal band, but a Swedish couple is struggling to convince officials it is also suitable for a baby girl."

School pressure is hard enough without some parents thinking it's cute to saddle their kid with a really stupid unusual name.

Spring Get Away Friday …

Easter break for the two school districts here starts this Friday.

I know, I know, it’s all been re-PCified to call it “Spring break”, “Spring Bunny”, and “just Friday before Spring break” But, that’s neither here nor there.

One of the unintended perks of substitute teaching is the extended break surrounding the official breaks during the year.

Understandably, the days before and after the actual break are usually pretty bleak for subbing assignments.

There’s probably something in the union contract about requiring a Dr’s note if a teacher calls in sick the day before or after a scheduled school break. I don’t really know but the slowdown of calls around the break week is noticeable.

This means that I have only one day of work this week lined up for tomorrow. I don’t expect to have an assignment on the Thursday before “Good Friday”.

…or as it’s now known, “Spring Get Away Friday”.

Late afternoon update: “…I don’t expect to have an assignment on Thursday…”
Two teachers called me this afternoon to sub for them on Thursday so I guess that blows THAT theory.

So, How Was Your Day?…

G6

For todays “How it went” report on subbing in this 6^th grade class, I’ll turn it over to one female student who wrote following:

(Unedited for grammar and spelling)

The Class

Through my eyes and ears this is how the class act today.

In morning everyone was calm like waves of the ocean.

As time went in the afternoon, the class were waves clashing against each other. Some were howling like wolves. Some were like birds say who got in trouble, calling each other cheaters.

Each time we have a subsitute, I wish that the class would change. Maybe my wish won’t come true after all.

That pretty much says it all…

Substitute Teacher Julie Amero update...

"...As state officials face pressure to intervene, the sentencing of Norwich substitute teacher Julie Amero has been postponed until April 26."

http://www.courant.com/news/local/hc-ctamero0328.artmar28,0,4402526.story


Why the delay in sentencing? I think the state it trying to get Julie Amero to plea bargain to a reduced sentence to save face.

IMHO: I think the state has a very weak case if it goes to appeal and Julie won't be spending any time in jail.

God's Love for Teachers Only...

I came across a blog post that indicated that I might be able to get a free DVD copy of Al Gore's movie for "teachers only".

The word "teacher" is currently in my job title, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I certainly wouldn't PAY to watch a politicians movie on anything about science, but I'd give it a "look see" for free.

So I did a Google search for:
Free DVD for Gore's movie

Google's response:
"Did you mean: Free DVD for God's love"

The Global Warming issue IS pretty much a universal religion now, so maybe Google DOES have a point?

How do I know…

G5

Last week and most of this next has me scheduled almost every day. Same school, three different teachers, all 5^th grades.

How do I know when I’ve spent too much time at the same grade level at the same school?

It might be when I start getting personalized notes from parents:

On the second day of my four day assignment, I called for everyone to turn in their homework from last night. The left behinder kid from last month came up, and without saying a word, handed me a note from his mom.

Dear Mr. (my real name!)

This letter is to inform you that J-- is on modified homework. What he is turning in is what he did within the agreed time frame that I have with Mr. (real teacher). So, do not bench him as his work is not incomplete (sic). If you have any questions please call me at (home number) or (cell number)

Thank you, (J--’s Mom)

Now I’m not sure what “modified homework” is but if it’s anything like the “modified classwork” that J— turned in the rest of the week, it’s not much.

The irritating part of this preemptive communiqué is that I hadn’t even threatened to bench anyone over incomplete homework. My job is just collect what the kids turn in and possibly leave a note indicating who didn’t do any.

It might be when it’s proven that I’m not smarter than a 5^th grader:

Last Monday’s class of really bright kids breezed through all the classwork with about half an hour to kill before the dismissal bell. The kids were really great for me, so I gave them the rest of the time to break out the games and puzzles for some free time. If they had given me a hard time that day, it would have been “SILENT READING” until the final bell.

Anyway, one of the boys approached and asked if he could challenge me to a chess game. This class had been so perfect today that I felt safe allowing my vigilance over the class to relax enough to accept the challenge.

Mistake! I hadn’t played chess in…oh…about 10 years? Still, I should be able to hold my own against a 10yr old!

After the first dozen moves, I lost my queen. It was all downhill after that.

I tried to concede at least twice, but the kid wanted to play it out. Evade and delay became my game strategy. I only had to last until the final bell. I could then concede but not actually “lose”. Yea, yea, I know. A minuscule, face saving distinction indeed.

Well the final bell came and went and the kid would not let me quit! I’m down about half the pieces I started with and this kid would show no mercy.

I was finally “saved” by kid’s mom who pried him out of the classroom a full fifteen minutes after the final bell threatening that they would be late for his music and martial arts lesson.

“Good game, kid! Maybe we’ll play again sometime!”

My excuse for poor play? I lost the game on purpose! I just wanted to build his self confidence. Self confidence! Yea, that’s the ticket!

(I am NOT smarter than SOME 5^th graders…)

The Great Global Warming Debate?...

I've been waiting for this documentary to show up on the TIVO so imagine my suprise that it's already on the web. The "Glogal Warming" political scare is the same as "Y2K" political scare without a deadline.

Run time 1:13:32

DA Clock Watchers …

Subbing assignments so far this month have been pretty sparse. Counting yesterdays 6^th grade class, I can count them all on two fingers. Yesterday’s class was excellent. No problem kids, all hard workers and I had a lot of fun with them.

The only incident of note, and not with just this particular class, is that telling time is still a baffling concept to some of the DA (Digital Age) generation.

I can’t count how many times I’ve had the following exchange:

Kid: It’s almost (lunch/recess/library/computer lab...) time!

Me: No it’s not.

Kid: Yes it is!

Me: What time does your cell phone say?

Kid: Ohhh…

Every classroom I visit has the traditional analog clock with big, little and sweep hands to let me know how I’m tracking on the lesson plan. Now, while it’s true that sometimes the clock isn’t set to the correct time or flat out isn’t working at all, I’ve yet to see a precision digital timepiece replacement in the classroom.

This inability to tell time isn’t relegated to any particular age group. I’ve had similar dialog with every grade from Kinder to 6^th and in every instance I was right. Well, almost every time.

Now, where did I leave my buggy whip?…

Update On Computer Security...

How a substitute teacher might attempt to avoid a 40yr prison term




For the record, I'm not a fan of Apple Computers, but their commercials are GREAT!.

Mom Drives Kid to the Fight...

...and cheers him on!

--------
FOLSOM, Calif. - The mother of a 13-year-old boy was arrested for allegedly driving her son to a fight with another boy, then cheering him on as he struck his smaller opponent. Police say the mother shouted down another woman who tried to break up the fight across from Sutter Middle School on Monday. A student caught the scene on video.

Renee Ann Honnold, 37, of Folsom, was arrested Thursday on suspicion of two felonies, endangering the life or health of a child and criminal conspiracy, as well as contributing to the delinquency of a minor, a misdemeanor. Her son was cited for suspicion of misdemeanor battery..."

The whole AP News story here:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070309/ap_on_fe_st/mother_arrested_1
-----

Wanna bet this kid is a "problem child" in school?

Constructivist Math…

No calls to sub this week so I have time to see what else is going on out there in the blog-o-sphere.

Elementary grade school math instruction has been pretty basic since the invention of the one room school house and the schoolmarm.

Teaching addition, subtraction, multiplication and long division has been the same for at least the last couple hundred years (…that I know of)

I have, on occasion, questioned the value of teaching estimates in 2^nd grade math and when I asked other teachers the “Why” question, the response is: “It’s in the state mandated curriculum. We don’t have a choice”. Meaning that teachers have no leeway in what and how certain subjects are taught.

While cruising the posts of blogger NYC Educator, I came across something even more alarming than teaching estimates.

Take a look at what some doofus-butt “brilliant” educators are pushing to replace the “old way” of teaching math for the 4^th and 5^th grade levels in favor of constructivist-based math programs such as TERC (pronounced "turk") Investigations or Everyday Mathematics.

Watch the video here:

(Warning! It’s 15+mins in length. Dial-up readers may want to wait till you have access to a faster connection)

Math Education: An Inconvenient Truth

Some points I came away with:

• When problems get cumbersome, just reach for the calculator.
• Adults unfamiliar with the methods can’t help with homework. (…and neither can substitute teachers)
• Much more likely to make mistakes and get wrong answers.

Now what would happen if some school district or the state of California mandated a switch to this “improved method” of teaching math? What will the teacher have to say when asked why my granddaughter can’t divide 24 by 6 without a calculator?

I’ve already heard the answer: “It’s in the state mandated curriculum. We don’t have a choice”

While I think there IS value in the TERC and other constructivist methods as an additional way to give H.S. or college students a different way to look at problem solving, I see no value in using it as a replacement for the tried and true basic math algorithm skills learned at the elementary school level.

It’s sad to say but parents would be well advised to skim the text books, at least at the elementary school level, your kids will be using each year to monitor how proficient or deficient your kid might be at the end of the schooling program.

What a great weekend...

Finally a break from the cold rain here in N. California.

We went for a long walk in the hills behind where we live and it's looking a lot like spring!

Synonyms for NO…

EG13-G6

My approach to each new day in class is, all kids are angels unless proven otherwise.

So today, as I opened the door to Mr. Outlaw’s 6^th grade class, I was sure we wouldn’t have a repeat performance of last month’s encounter.

In case you missed it, I booted this kid to the principal’s office for being a constant pain in the ass disruption in class.

Unfortunately, it seems that Mr. Outlaw has a short memory AND gained a couple of posse members since the last time I was here.

I held it together for most of the day, but finally caved and booted Mr. Outlaw and one of his sidekicks next door to another 6^th grade class for some "sitting on the hands" time.

This school has great teachers that encourage exporting sucky students into neighboring classes to save the substitute teacher’s sanity contemplate the errors of their ways.

That left the weak member of the posse to cruise by every 10 minutes to ask if they could come back to class.

Just how many synonyms for the word “NO” are there?

Potty Training …

I’ve seen a lot of “special condition notations” on lesson plans dealing with kid's individual problems:

• No running at P.E. for Darrin - Asthma.
• Please let Anna leave to use the restroom without asking – Weak bladder condition.
• Special handling techniques and who to call when the kid with ADD, ADHD, WAS or some other XYZ acronymial condition requiring special services or handlers are needed.

But Monday’s 5^th grade lesson plan special notation for student “R” was a first:

“ R. – If he smells like he had an accident, send him to the office to call for clean clothes.”

Now my job includes potty training for an 11yr old?!!

At the first hint of classroom flatulence, cheese cutting, fart, gas passing, tooting, pooting, air biscuits or other gas polluting the ozone odor am I supposed to assume it’s R? Then do I then have to ask him if he was the guilty party and needs to leave the room?

Even if the kid does have some control problems, shouldn’t HE know when he poops his pants and decide on his own to go get cleaned up?

If this has been an ongoing (no pun intended) problem, wouldn’t you expect his parents to invest in something like the NASA urine and fecal containment system, good for 15 hours or 900 miles whichever comes first?

I already did the potty training bit for my own kids and still do, on occasion, sniff butt to change my 2yr old granddaughters.

Enough’s, enough already!

Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader...

I got a peek at this latest question game show clone.

It's much funnier than "Who Wants to Be A Millionaire" except that it should be re-titled: "Am I dumber than a post and willing to admit it on national television"

The adult "drop out", who claims to be a computer consultant, walked away with a $175K after hearing and passing on the question: "How many decades in two millennium".

(...For the record, the kids on the show got all the answers right.)