English As She Is Spoke…

No calls for today after the long three day Labor Day weekend.

Surfing the net did uncover this hilarious gem of literature. “English As She Is Spoke” or EASIS for short is without question the worst phrasebook ever written. Click the link and read it aloud for the full effect.

Excerpt from: Anecdotes

A man one's was presented at a magistrate which had a considerable library. "What you make?" beg him the magistrate. "I do some books," he was answered. "But any of your books I did not seen its.--I believe it so, was answered the author; I mak nothign for Paris. From a of my works is imprinted, I send the edition for America; I don't compose what to colonies."

Excerpt from: Familiar Phrases

These apricots and these peaches make me and to come water in the mouth.

Excerpt from: Idiotisms and Proverbs

Take out the live coals with the hand of the cat.
A horse baared don't look him the tooth.
Take the occasion for the hairs.
To do a wink to some body.
So many go the jar to spring, than at last rest there.

Excerpt from: Familiar Dialogue With a Bookseller

What is there in new's litterature?
Little or almost nothing, it not appears any thing of note.
And yet one imprint many deal.
But why, you and another book seller, you does not to imprint some good wooks?
There is a reason for that, it is that you cannot to sell its. The actual-liking of the public is depraved they does not read who for to amuse one's self ant but to instruct one's.
But the letter's men who cultivate the arts and the sciences they can't to pass without the books.
A little learneds are happies enough for to may to satisfy their fancies on the literature.
I have only been able to procure the octo-decimo edition, which is embellished with plates beautifully coloured.