The gifts that Claudette ordered from Barnes&Noble should have been here last Tuesday but still weren’t delivered by Friday night. Online tracking showed the packaged did indeed make it to the local post office on Tuesday 12/20 but still hadn’t left the post office building as of the 23rd.
So faced with a near panicked furiously frustrated female, I volunteered to slog down to the PO at 08:00am Christmas Eve to retrieve our package in person.
PO guy:_ “Got a green non-delivery pickup tag?”
Me:_ “Nope. The problem I have is that hasn’t been delivered. It’s been stuck here four days.”
PO guy:_ “That’s odd. The computer tracking says it’s here. It should have gone out for delivery on Tues. Let me go check the bins”
After several tens of minutes pass, the PO guy returns.
PO guy:_ “It’s not here…” while shrugging.
(I kinda already knew this would be the result of the search but I figured I had to dance the dance before continuing the conversation.)
Me:_ “Ok. So you’re saying my package is lost. Can I get a receipt indicating it's lost, so I can go back to Barnes&Noble for a credit and re-order the stuff?”
PO guy:_ “Uh, well, it IS here. We just can’t find it. Let me get my supervisor to talk to you.”
Me:_ “Fine. I need to get this sorted out today.”
PO Super:_ “I understand that you want to pick up a package?”
Me:_ “Yep, but it seems to be lost somewhere in this building”
(This is where I get to basically repeat the conversation with the PO guy including my request for some “lost in the mail” form or receipt).
PO Super:_ “Well, your package is not lost, it’s just probably in transit between the main PO sorting facility and here”.
Me:_ “Ok, how long does it take to get sorted to arrive here?”
PO Super:_ “Usually only a day or two.”
Me:_ “It’s been four days. Can I go to the main sorting PO and pick it up there?
PO Super:_ “Uh, No. They’ll sort it and send it here for delivery.”
Me:_ “But the tracking status says it’s IN THIS building, right?”
PO Super:_ “Yeeeaaa, but…”
Me:_ “So, logically, it’s already BEEN sorted and sent here, right?”
PO Super:_ “Hmmmm..”
Me:_ “So it’s here and you can’t find it, right”
PO Super:_ “Well...”
Me:_ “By definition doesn’t that make it “lost”? Now, can I have a receipt or form to submit to the package sender?”
PO Super:_ “It’s not considered lost until after 30 days. This IS a busy time of the year for the PO.”
Me:_ “So, I have to come back on Jan 20th to get my receipt for the “lost” package?”
PO Super:_ “I’m sure it will be delivered before that. The tracking info says we have it. We’ll definitely get it to you.”
Me:_ “But too late for THIS Christmas, right?...”
So I left empty handed, but mentally composing the following note to our soon to be disappointed daughter-in-law and son-in-law:
The Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has intercepted a possible WMD labeled “Your Christmas Gift” from a suspected terrorist group, sometimes calling themselves “GrandPa and/or Grammie Perry”. It is being held at the TOP SECURITY LOCATION known as the USPS.
Upon final determination, which can be 5 to 30 days from today, YOU WILL BE notified as to the disposition of the so called “gift”
Attached is an artist’s sketch of the suspect item.
If you have any further questions, don’t bother…..We ARE the Post Office.
Merry Generic Holiday!